Well, here are all my crazy post I've made in the past week. I would like to know which is your personal favorite and left the option to vote. *These are creative stories, so please if it isn't your type of comedy then slowly read the following statement "go fuck myself!" The first two are more of a survival guides for a stoner! Story 1: Premise: My grandmother is aware of me smoking and I want to try to make her more open to the thought of me getting stoned: Walk into your grandmother apartment, and be like Listen her BITCH I Crave cock! I love it I! I'm a cock addict. You got to sell this shit! And make sure your sober! Rips your pants off and start to feroisly masterbate in front of your grand ma now as you do so scream I love you johnny! then bust all over your pants Tell your grand mom "Sorry grandma I've got to cut my evening short I have a 9:30 gangbang to attend." Go to your apartment/room smoke a bong hit walk back in confront your grandma that your not gay anymore, because smokeing pot made you crave poon and your sorry. Story 2: Premise: Getting pulled over WhenEver I get pulled over I always whip my dick out and nonchantley follow the officer's order's. I comply until he ask's me why is my dick out? My response is simple, I'm on my way to have a sex change operation and I'm letting my dick see the outside world before the doctor turn it inside out into a shape of a vagina! He will be shocked, disgusted, and if you play your cards right he would let you off with a warning or his number either way mcdonald breakfast is fucking amazing! Story 3: I saw a kangroo he looked at me then told me to stop stareing at me before he put's a aussie beat down on me! I stared, he glared apprached me and procedded to beat my ass aussie style after my beat down he stared at me and said don't fuck with kolas! I learn my lesson never to fuck with kolas. Story 4: I went to a Chinese buffet there I sat down devour half my body weight in noodles and deep fried rat disguised as chicken nuggets, cheeky bastards I know, As I sit there I saw a Japanese dude wrap a headband(Japanese flag) around his forehead. Screamed some crazy shit unbuckled his pants ran ass naked towards the buffet turned around and spread his ass cheeks and rubbed his anus on one of the server. I was like WTF! Crazy shit right, but there more the fucking door busted open with Japanese dude ass naked with their cheeks spread chasing these girls around with their anus! I was fucking disgusted! I even wittiness one of the Japanese dude corner a girl and started to threaten her with his asshole, she started to cry and shit, and he made her kiss it! I was like WTF! Dude then the Japanese dude came over to the hostess with their ass cocked surrounding her and they rubbed her down with their ass holes, I mean these dudes are grown ass man chasing Chinese teens around with their A holes! After the a-hole raid! Everything went back to normal, besides the faint smell of shit in the air, I ask the girl "are you ok??!?" She said" yes" After my meal, I went up-to the host and ask her†what happen" she said in broken English "oh that's the Japanese sushi restaurant across the street they always come in here and chase us Chinese around with asshole†I was shocked I told her to hang in there, before I left I went across the street to see what's up at the sushi place the dude were all chilling in an alleyway smoking some herb, I asked them what's up they offer me a hit, I obliged and part take, he told me they don't work for this place. They just smoke weed in this alley every Friday and run in there and chase those hoe's around with their ass holes, they've been doing it every Friday's for four month's straight! I was fucking astonished that they haven't been arrested and ask them, if they were ever arrested, they said, Na I don't think they know how to use the phones' I said Oh! He told me he hasn't washed his ass in two weeks, I was like WTF! Turns out they weren't even Japanese they were Koreans! The story is nice, but what really bothered me was why he didn't wash his ass in two weeks? Story 5: (my personal favorite) Well one time I Was at a KFC/taco bell chilling right, High as a mofo can be. So I went to the bathroom to take a piss. After a one on one battle on trying to unzip my pants I just gave up took my pants off and my shirt (IDK Y) and started to pee. So I went to the sink ass naked and was washing my face when I notice in the mirror a red afro shaking. I looked up and saw Ronald McDonald, Colonel Sander's, Hamburgerlar, Jack (jack in the box) and Jared (subway) all taking turns snorting coke out of the Wendy bitch Snatch's. I was shocked. Then one of the stall door's busted open and the Mutherfucking King (BK) appeared he was tripping balls dude. He bitch slapped Colonel, I means it's the fucking Colonel and then the King dropped his trousers pulled out his “scepter†and plowed the shit out of the Wendy bitch's snatched, but the bitch started to moan and shit then Ronald and Jared joined in and then it became an good old fashion gang bang. The king pulled out busted in her mouth squeezed all his royal juices in her mouth and then begin the anal sessions. Jared then walked up to me and said: Jared: “Hey……You want to do a line and tap some ass.†Me: “na I'm good I just smoked some dank ass buds†Jared :“oh…….. that's pretty chill, Um you sure, I mean that snatch is tight and your already naked†Me:†Na I'm good†Jared: “alright bro hey, do you want some coupons off of Arby's†Me: Wtf Jared: Yea just take em Me: Kool……thx Weird right, I still don't know why he gave me coupons…… to Arby's \t\t Story 6: Crazy huh? Well I've got a crazy story for you I was in my friends room watching TV and smoking some crack laced crack weed as my friend was about to spark up the door bust open an six to seven armed DEA agents came and shot my friend's mofo TV, Now we were madd, but we were also in a compromised position, right! So the agent's glared at my friend, then me. I was scared, for I had my weed out in plain sight. Amazingly they didn't bother me they just proceeded to leave as they were leaving I mumble "fucking search warrant would help" Next thing you know my friend is getting sodimized by a police baton and tea bagged by a DEA agent named mike right, the weird part about the scenario was Special Agent mike had a lower back tattoo "glory hole" with a squiggly line drawn to his a-hole right, next thing you know there's a fucking orgy between all the DEA officer's on my friends bed. My friend is in the corner crying with the remaining 3 inch police baton sticking out of his ass hole! I felt bad, So I took my weed and left, I kind of felt responsible, in the end that's why shrooms should be legal! Story 7: I went to the store and witness a robbery in progressed the dude that was robbing the bitch was a friend he looked at me and smiled and winked then I blinked, I laughed He laughed then shot the clerk five fucking times, He looked at me And smiled I giggled we high fived then he proceeded to rob every fucking customer's by gun point behind the register, When the cop's finally arrived and arrested him he did not say one word. Now in court I was a witness the juror's delivered a guilty, the judge thanked them for their time and asked my friend "do you have anything to say to the family of your victim?" My friend "shit.....three free meals a day, free cable TV, free gym membership for life, an underground social life, and all I got to do is take a dick in the ass, fuck I should of been a killed that ***** earlier." He turned around and there I was like a true friend and we high fived to seal the deal, of Not giving a Fuck True stoner's! Story 8: ( the most creative yet) I went to Ihop last week; there I was me and the stack of pancakes and syrup. I was enchanted and yet slight aroused, so I looked to the right then slowly to the left I then unzip my pants and then proceeded to dip my balls in the syrup cup. I sit there stifling my laughter imaging a lonely pube drifting freely down a river of syrup all over some Quedo's pancakes! muhhuhuhua, but little did I know an old bitch saw me and reported me. Boy was I fucked! The waitress came up to me her name tag read "heather" I said hey "heather" as I point nonchalantly to her name tag, she said" I've received a series of complaint about you putting some type of body part into one of our syrup jar" I had three option lied, tell the truth and or bust out. So I lied I told her no, I even offer her to look at my balls, so she called my bluff, I was fucked for I did have syrup on my balls! So as I pulled my pants down, mind you in a crowded Ihop She squatted down to take a closer inspection I pissed in her face and broke out of that bitch! Now I'm wanted at IHOP! I know it's a lot, but I would appreciate your favorite so I see what kind of comedy really applies to people? No flaming if you did not enjoy then fuck off!
I would have chosen the "none of the above" option or the "I think you have a bizarre fascination with penises" option
I like these three stories the best lmfao^, but I don't like story 7 i thought that was fucked up considering the fact that someone I knew had died in a robbery, but all and all those three had me fucking rolling!