This is long sorry. Summary below. She is an asshole and she is making my life a living hell. I am going to give them a set of times that they can come over. If it were like just my son and his kids I would be fine with them being here all day everyday. But with her I have to have all my armor on cause she's spewing out garbage all the time - and MEAN, but she just thinks she's honest, a realist, she says if what she says hurts someones feelings it isn't her fault, they were the ones to have their feelings get hurt. She doesn't realize she treats me like dirt. She usually does it without thinking. No I do not like her. But I will put up with her because my son chose her for his wife. But I've decided she cannot be in my space in the mornings when I am getting my wake and bake or after 11pm when I blaze, and I get half my weekends without them or Imma start acting really fucking crazy. I'm losing it. But if I give them this "schedule" of my alone time I can get the fuck out of this current depression and get on with my life and start to function normally (well normal for me). She says I can't drink in front of her, yet she's here the whole fucking time in MY house. Her mom (who she lives with)has Alzheimers and is argumentative with her so she comes here during the weekdays to get away from Mom. She is in college and instead of studying etc at the library she comes over to my place. Also they spend most of the weekends here doing laundry and just hanging out They have no power, water etc at their house. They live out in the boonies, but just an hour from us. They are working on it and we have given them money towards it. They used to live with us but decided to move in with her parents. They need to bring the kids to our house when they are sick so they can use the laundry and the bathtub. So, I've sunk into a bad depression where I sleep 16 hours a day and hang out in my room until they leave or I get hungry. I'm bipolar and my shrink won't up my anti-depressant until I tell the kids I want them over less. I feel guilty. I don't wanna do it. But it is really effecting me badly not having alone time or some weekends just hubby and me. Sorry this was so disjointed. I am very emotional over this situation. Am I right in needing my time too? She won't let me drink or smoke in front of the kids and they are over almost every day. They meet here almost every day after school and work and decide if they are staying out or not. Summary She's an asshole She's over all the time and I get no alone time for me or hubby. I am seriously taking hits to my health because of this. I am giving the family a schedule of when they can come over I feel guilty How does you're family get along?
Man it's your house, tell her to hire a sitter or something and stay home once in a while. It may seem kind of harsh to tell your son and his family to get out/come less often, but he's on his own and life is rough and not everything is going to go great for him. A girl needs her space, now go take your life back!
Your house, your rules. Quit being a doormat and stand up to her. The reason you're depressed is because you're allowing her to control your life in your own home. Take back control of your life and lay down the law with her. If you want a drink or a smoke, then have one. She can go somewhere else or keep her mouth shut if she doesn't like it. If your son raises a stink about it, then he's an ungrateful prick, just like his wife and the same goes for him. I love my kids dearly but I'll be damned if they'll ever walk into my home and start calling the shots. You're the boss so start acting like it. Good luck.
don't let them demand what you can and cannot do in your house. if you need time and space for yourself then they need to understand that!~ and setting up a new schedule shouldn't be a major deal!~ its your home your call. do what you gotta do <3 g-luck :]
I'm sorry to hear how things are between you and your daughter-in-law, and that you have no time to yourself. It's draining, both physically and mentally, and an extremely difficult situation to be in. You have every right to have time to yourself, and time alone with your husband. You also have a right to do your thing, in your own home. It is your house. As a parent, I can understand feeling guilty about doing what you need to do, BUT you need time away from them, especially your daughter-in-law; time to re-center so that you CAN tolerate her when she is around on other occasions. Spending so much time with your daughter-in-law IS affecting your health, you have to put your foot down for the sake of your health. I'd have a little chat with the daughter-in-law and put her in her place. Don't let her treat you like garbage, that's horrible Stand up for yourself girl, don't take any crap! Be strong! Let us know how it goes. *sending lots of positive vibes your way*
Its YOUR house. tell her if she doesn't like what you do, then don't come over, but don't let her run YOUR household.
I would've told her to get the fuck out the moment she said "You can't drink in front of me." Who is SHE to tell YOU what to do in YOUR house? I'm sorry but that really pisses me off. That's so disrespectful. If you don't want to confront her directly talk to your son.
"Accidently" link one of them, or even both of them to this thread. or even better.. Call her out and tell her shes being a bitch and making you depressed. Your house is your castle dude. Ignorant how she said that you can't drink infront of her in your house! Don't feel bad for her, she's being a bitch and deserves to be called up on it, especially if it's in your home and it's effecting your life. Actually quite selfish of her. If someone lets me in to their home to stay (even if its just my friends mums house etc) I respect the owner, it is their home and they pay for it all, thanks to them for letting me in their home.. not "you cant drink infront of me in your house". Thats fucking ignorant. Your house, Your rules. She dont like that she can get the hell out of your house.
Wow, you guys are are very positive towards me and my plight, I was expecting half of you to be like my grandma. I told her I was having problems and she said of course your children expect to be welcome in your home, your their parents. Your home = their safety net. And thanks to those who did take the time to reply and some +rep to you. Now how to undo what I have let happen around me.
You have to put your foot down as soon as possible, because the longer the nonsesne goes on, the more she will deel entitled . You have to let her know that, you are doing her a favor, she doesn't have to come over. She can drop off the kids and leave if she has a problem with your rules. Ensure that she understands that it is your house and your rules, she has no rights in your house. If she has a problem with it you can make her pay a bill or buy groceries, or stay at her place. Don't let someone take the throne in your castle, you are the queen and she is but a guest, of your son.
It would be fine to have the schedule, I agree..you have to do it for yourself. It is YOUR house. I hate how tremendously rough this situation has to be for you because it is your son and grandchildren and you love them and wouldn't mind but it's this bitchy daughter in law... The schedule will ease the tension for now but maybe since it's long term (assuming your son has no plans of divorcing the winch ) you might want to talk to her and just level with her. Be like, "Look" etcetc...Address somethings you feel calmly and firmly and maybe she would be respectful? It would be terrible to have to harbor these negative feelings for the rest of the time you're stuck with her. Anyway good luck to you and your family!
like what everyone else is saying...its YOUR fucking house, u do what u want...like u cant drink in her prescense? how old are you? tell her its ur rules and u can do what u want, and if she doesnt like it...then show her where the door is honestly it kinda pisses me off that u would even let it get to this point, like how can u just be alright with this bitch whoo isnt even blood related to you come in and try to run shit and let ur son know how u feel about her, that could possibly help a lot and how many grandchildren have seen their grandma or grandfather drinking? like everyy kid ever, maybe she should keep her kids locked in a room to protect them for everything in this whole entire world...and they arent gonna know its weed, they are fucking kids, just tell em its a cigarette and its for adults...and boom problem solved...honestly its ur house...do what u want when u want....maybe u shud listen to ur doctor and tell ur son u dont want them around as much, then u can get more medecine which might make u happier
It may be hard at first, but your gonna need to administer some "tough love" then when you have your house back you can
Heres what you do if you dont like initiating confrontation. Just start drinking and smokin in front of them. They will either stop coming over or say something to you. What can they really do though? Its your house, you set the rules.
Well, we raised my son with a strict religious upbringing (we mostly aren't that way now). It wasn't strict enough for him and he married a mormon girl and became mormon himself. She went a little haywire as a teen with drinking and is scared she can't control herself around alcohol. I dunno what's up with can't drink in front of the grandkids, just more mormon stuff, yeah. I think they moved in with her parents because we were laying down the law before we moved into a new house without them. Then they started calling the shots. (It kinda felt like if you wanna see the grandkids ... although they never said that) Also, her sister had moved to Canada with her husband. That left my DIL to care for her parents and they can't be left alone. So, we never saw them, which meant we never saw the grandkids and they didn't know us that much. My DIL had a miscarriage and her sister came back to be with her and got sucked back into being the mom & dad's caregiver with her husband in Canada still (We are in Hawaii). The parents health went down drastically but that wasn't a factor in the kids moving in with them. Her parents were fine when they moved out of our house 2 years ago. Also we didn't drink when they lived with us - we couldn't afford to. We inherited money, paid off our debts, now we can drink. So that's new for the kids. My son was used to us getting a couple of bottles of wine every paycheck previously before he went to college. We did drink a little. Now we are drinking Fri-Sun 5 pm, on. and once in a while on other days but we can't afford to drink a lot.
It's hard to stand up to family like that because it could ruin bonds with her son instead of just her daughter-in-law. Similar events have happend to myself and it eventually turned out ok, just keep your head up and stand your ground. "Can't drink in front of me".. pfffft.