My Dad

So this is gonna be a long read. I'll try and make it as easy on the eyes as possible.

So my whole life my dad has never been there, always moving and traveling because of his job (F-16 Fighter Pilot). I've lived with my mom my whole life, She's always taken care for me. So i guess you could say I'm a momma's boy.

They got a divorce when i was 11. It was good though because my dads side of the family treated my mom like shit, and so did my dad.

My dad has always been a manipulator and always told me how i was never good enough, always comparing me to my older sister and his friends kids. I tried hard, always trying to do my best. Sports, School, anything he wanted me to do i tried. I was most of the time one of the best, and excelled farther than others, but it never seemed to be good enough i guess. He always wanted me to work harder, and always treated me like shit, talking down to me and such.

Football he was my coach, so that was hard. Up until high school, i did good in school, all A's and B's. But once i got to high school i kinda slacked and didn't care anymore (Nothing to bad though, just went from a 3.8 student to a 3.0), I just enjoyed myself and did things that i liked to do. I played video games a lot and that became a big part of my life. I sluffed school to get a away.

So around three thanksgivings ago (year 2006, i was 16 at the time) he got really drunk at our thanksgiving family dinner and told me how much of a disgrace i was to him and the whole family for not going to school and being a 4.0 student like my sister. Just kept rambling on in front of our whole family. He said sorry the next day and i kept on living my life.

Things kept going the same, only time he ever asked to see me when he needed help doing yard work. He always would bitch about having to pay child support and shit like that. We always had a rough relationship. Everytime i asked to see him, he said he couldn't and was going out partying with his girlfriend. So the next thanksgiving he did the same thing as before. but he got his mom and dad involved into it too and they were all bitching to me and asking my why i couldn't be more like my sister. I ended up leaving cause i didnt want to have to deal with that shit anymore. (God i wish i would of smoked weed all these years.)

Same stuff goes by while im in high school. Dad keeps bitching, i keep doing what he asks to satisfy his yard work needs. Then graduation comes around. I graduate with a 3.2 GPA and a 28 on the ACT. And things still weren't good enough for my dad. Always kept bitching telling me how i should do better. I know he just wants me to succeed but there are other ways to go about that i think anyways

So last summer after graduating we were having a family reunion and my dad wants me to go. He's calling me telling me i need to go and i told him i can't cause i have to goto work. and he just keeps bitching telling me he's going to look bad if i don't go. and i said i don't care i can't get work off. So while im getting ready, he comes over to my moms house ( his x wife who him and her do not have a good relationship at all) he somehow got the garage comm and comes in our house. Stars walking around looking for me, screaming my name and shit. So im scared as fuck, don't know what the fuck he is going to do, i know he is drunk, i don't know if he wants to kill me or what. so i hid in my closet and just waited, well i guess he walked upstairs and went through my room and shit and started walking around up stairs. All the while my mom is in her room taking a shower. he founds out she is there and he bolts out of there so fast. So i get out of the closet and go tell my mom what happened. so she call the cops and press's chargers for breaking an entering and stuff like that. So he can't set foot on her property again for over a year.

So i talk to my dad about a month later after that happened, and he stars saying shit to me that i caused all of that and it was my fault that he got in trouble. I'm just like whatever your a fucking stupid and an alcoholic. he gets pissed and we dont talk for another few months.

So around last christmas we start talking again and try to rebuild our relationship. I try to be as nice as possible and just try and forget like anything has happened. so i go over to see him on christmas morning and see him. I get there and we have fun and stuff and just enjoy each others company, he gives me a few presents, nothing really big, just a knife and some candy. So he sits me down and starts having a talk with me and tells me how i won't have any health insurance starting the new year. So im just like wtf, why and he says that its ending or something. So i just left and went home and call the insurance company the next day to find out that it isn't ending, he is getting rid of it and is taking me off his insurance. So now im just like WHAT THE FUCK. What did i do wrong, why do i deserve this. The funny thing is, is i get my Cell phone through him, and health insurance, those are the only two things he pays for, and since we havent been talking he decided to take away one of those. Health insurance. HA i guess its not that big of a deal to him i guess.

So i had to get health insurance through my step dad. Tight, shows who really cares. Went on a 6 month waiting periond. Just got health insurance this month. I was going to get jaw surgery in January but that had to wait til i got insurance back. Now i am trying get jaw surgery and my dad is just being a little bitch. Saying how i dont need it and he knows whats best for me. Don't think he will even help my mom pay for it, or put me back on his health insurance so its double insured so it costs literally nothing for both of them. Also, im trying to goto college this fall but i found out since my dad makes so much money, i can't get any student loans, and he said he won't help/pay for my schooling.

So Basically i just wanted to get that off my chest and ask anybody for some advice for schooling or how to deal with my dad. Should i even try to rebuild a relationship with him?
I'm kinda just done, its hard to try and talk to somebody who acts like nothing has happened in the past years. The most i've ever done is ignored his phone calls. its just hard to talk to some people who treat you like shit. I didnt start smoking weed til last year in november by the way.

thanks for reading

 

Thanks for the reply's and yeah im just gonna apply to everywhere i can. We'll see what happens in the coming years.

Thanks GC