Most ridiculous excuse for red-eyes/cottonmouth/weed smell?

Allergies, asthma, cold. I don't really have to lie about it anymore though, it's just whatever, he's high lol.

 

Allergies and a new herbal lotion you purchased at beauty counter.

 

I just tell them im blowed, works every time.

 

soap in the eyes.

 

Me:
Mom: Why are your eyes red?
Me: I was crying.
Mom: Oh really is that why your eyes are glazed?
Me:My allergies were bothering me.
Mom: I thought you said you were crying.
Me: I was crying because my allergies were bothering me.
Mom: Are you high?!?
Me: .. Are YOU high?
Mom:




Oh and another response I liked was "Yeah I'm high. On life."

 

Smoking a cigar

 

I wear contacts and am allergic to cats so I was always set back in the day when it came to eyes. Friend's house blazing? "They had a cat." Went for a walk and smoked by myself? "My contacts are bothering me, I'm about to take them out."

I remember some kid on here killed me one time. He was freaking out about how high he was and that his mom was coming home. He said his eyes were all droopy and he seemed super tired. He was asking how to get rid of red eyes fast and shit but then he goes, "don't worry about how tired I seem. I'll tell my mom it's the tryptophan in the turkey I ate (tryptophan makes you tired it will work)" Parentheses and all that haha. His spelling and grammar was terrible too, which made it read a lot funnier.

 

I was working out and sweat got into my eyes.

This explains why you're smelly, sweaty and have red eyes.

 

sometimes i tell my mom that its cus i drank some beer, cus for some reason thats better than weed.

 

Uncle: Why are your eyes red? Are you high?
Me: Why are your eyes red?
Uncle: Are you high?
Me: *Random starts laughing then stops but can't cause I'm really am" Nope. Dammit the laughter blew it.

 

I'm half satan

 

''..Are you high?'' ''It's 10:30.'' ''W-what?''

 

i rubbed apples on them.

 

Well you see, when you smoke marijuana it tends to ..

 

one time me and my 3 friends went to ihop... one of them ran into this chick he knew

she was like, "hey _______ why are your eyes so red?"

and his response, I swear it took him like 5 minutes to say was, "nah man.... I'm just reeeeeaal tired right now"

shit still cracks me up

 

Usually don't have to worry about it but I usually mumbl something like " I'm tired" if I have to

 

Freshman year
Teacher: Who in here wears contacts?
Me: I do
Teacher: Oh that explains why your eyes are red, i thought you might have had pink eye.
Me: Yeah lol thats why.