MJ for BPD/Depression/Anxiety - May be Long

Okay, so this may get a little long or be hard to follow because I'm a little spacey right now, but I'll try.

Basically, I have diagnosed BPD, depression (MDD and PDD), and anxiety (social as well as GAD). My life before consistent marijuana use was an absolute mess. I was in and out (mostly in) of psychiatric hospitals, getting stitches all the time for self-harm, constantly just a really huge mess. I've dropped out of two different colleges three times since October 2013. It was just a really bad situation.

In September/October of 2015 I picked up smoking more regularly. I had been smoking weed here and there since high school, but nothing serious. Since starting, it's pretty much changed my life. I know I'm not unique in that sense, but it's really helped the constant self-loathing I was experiencing with the BPD, it helps elevate my mood, and I'm much more socially able to be around people or deal with stressful situations than I used to be. I haven't self-injured in months, and I'm officially 60 days without the benzos I had been physically addicted to (not much help on the mental end of things) since my first hospitalization. I even registered for a few college classes again, and begin next week. Life's pretty good.

However, I noticed that the switch from illegal use to trying to follow my state's medical policies and doing things "right" is kind of throwing me for a loop. I believe I was smoking Blue Dream (my old dealer admits that she doesn't know for sure what it is, but a few of my heavy-use friends have pretty much verified it for BD) with other strains (mostly GSC) thrown in here and there. I used this for months, pretty much, and was totally doing fine.

Then I started researching what I can, and finally went to an actual dispensary. After talking with a bunch of people about my symptoms (primarily the self-hate and constant fear) and everyone told me sativas were the way to go. So when I went to the dispensary, they totally agreed and I bought some hybrid edibles and an eighth of sativa (Amnesia Haze) to start me out. I really don't like the way edibles hit me (too slow to start up, and then I feel like a total clown), so I'm not even going to talk about those. They're not really anything I'm interested in keeping up with. The flowers, on the other hand, are a different story:

They're horrible. I have noticed that I've had to smoke way more of this weed than I ever had to of anything off the street. I know that could be because my tolerance has increased, or that the chemical percentages in the batch I'm smoking just aren't strong enough, but it still doesn't seem to make sense. In the days leading up to buying from the dispensary, I made the last bowl of my BD last 2.5 days, and got noticeably buzzed from one or two hits. I definitely cut it close, but it wasn't a stressed out or miserable experience. I've always been a light smoker-- Until now, I guess. The AH barely seems to hit me, I smoke an entire bowl and barely feel anything. It'll eventually come to me and I'll feel sort of bubbly and light for about half an hour. Then the mental stuff seems to subside and I'm still giggly, but I start over thinking (esp. in social situations). The minute I'm not distracted by friends, or a movie, or whatever, my mood plummets right into the core of the earth. I'm a poet and visual artis, and if I want to sit down and write a poem or paint it's just not going to happen; my mood is so low when I get thinking about life that I go right back into all of the "I hate myself, I should just die," etc. that I completely thought I had left behind months ago. I end up going to bed at like 8:30 or 9 at night just to prevent myself from acting on the same urges that used to eat me alive.

I smoked the last of my AH last night, and have no urge to go out and get more. I think I'd almost rather be sober or go back to paying street prices than deal with the effects I was having with it. So basically I'm not trying to complain. I know that different strains hit people differently, but am I missing something here? I'm really feeling like I should switch dispensaries (there's no physical shops near me, so this would require using a delivery service) and try to get back to hybrids. Or, with my reaction to a legitimate sativa, should I look more at heavy indicas?

I am going to be a college student again, and I don't want to crumble under the stress and anxiety like I used to. I also don't want to be totally couch-locked and skipping classes and coursework all the time. Basically I'm just looking for opinions on hybrid vs. indica use. Specific strain suggestions for what I'm looking for would be super nice too. I'm still such a novice and have very little clue what I'm doing. Whatever people have to say will be appreciated.

Thanks, all!