How is everyone doing tonight? The following is my story of weed and how it has affected me both physically and psychologically. I need advice, help, so please, anyone who has time please read. My story is actually very interesting. Here I am, New Years Eve 2004, the next day will be 2005. I am an athletic, healthy 18 year old teen on break from a successful 1st semester. I decide to smoke my first weed. It was a blunt, and a fairly good one to say the least. I got WRECKED, completely shattered...Almost scary I told people to take me to the hospital, but once I calmed down I was a-okay. Ate an entire box of cookies, all those great things of getting high for the first time. My daily weed smoking habits didn't exactly take hold until last summer. Since around then I've been about a blunt worth of weed a day. Bought, sold, got tolked up, however it took I found a way. Here is a little bit about me to start off. I'm 5'7, weigh around 150. Played basketball in high school. Although I'm not bad looking or anything I have horrible confidence at times, I have low self-esteem, anxieties, social anxieties that have never truly been diagnosed but I go on to live my normal life. I do suffer from depression too, but never usually tell anyone, and at times it boils up and I have a breakdown, but I NEVER give up. I seem to be the type of person that thinks about everything in depth. IF I'm going to take a drug I'm going to research it before using it to know what to expect and not to get sick. During my first year of using marijuana I loved it a lot. The joy of rolling a blunt/joint, hitting a bowl of bong is just awesome. I rarely got any bad effects from weed, but maybe a little trouble breathing at times. This all changed, when one night I took an eigth of shrooms. I had a horrible trip. I got weird sensations that my mind did not like. I had trouble breathing, and got anxiety attack while on it. I lost my ego during the trip and thought I had ODd and was in hell or a hospital. My thoughts were not clear, but it seemed to do something that I did not expect, and it is something I have trouble explaining. It seemed to open my mind open to new thoughts. Scary thoughts. Depressing thoughts. To this day I seem to suffer from post psychotic episodes or "Flashbacks". I tried tripping a few other times to see if it was a coincidence, but no it wasn't. I never had a good trip that I really enjoyed. Even with the right setting. Back to marijuana... After my month of tripping I made a commitment to never try a hallucinigenic again, and I won't. Now, it seems as if I may have developed a psychotic disorder. If I smoke a lot of weed I get some flashbacks. Trouble breathing, severe paranoia, even some visuals. My buddy makes fun of me, but I can't help it. Lately I've developed a sleeping problem out of the blue. (Note: I haven't touched psychedelics since Oct/Nov). It seems upon going to sleep or waking up I have a mini panic attack and I even stop breathing. I wake up gasping for air/life. Sometimes 3-4 times before I actually fall asleep. This came out of the blue one night, and it hasn't left. The incidents happen like this; I'll be in a dreasm state, just empty minded it seems. I know that I'm half asleep, can't move, can't open my eyes, and CANT BREATH. It can last 5-10 seconds sometimes, or at least I think. I'll desperately jump out of my coma state, and it is a very depressing time. I researched this and it could be Sleep Apnea, although I am not 100% sure. My thoughts still don't end. Whenever I'm high I get very scary thoughts. Nothing threatening, but very depressing thoughts. I even can get very tripped out at times. I'll start constantly rubbing my head and seem to get anxiety attacks with regular ease. Remember I onlky thin kthey are anxiety attacks. I've never bveen diagnosed with anything. Last night, I hit a dead end. My and my buddy decided to put an eigth in a batch of brownies. We made them perfectly and we split half the batch. After about a half hour it hit me, and it was great for about 20 minutes. I felt AWESOME, constant laughing, and just a full out body high, but then something happened. I don't know what sparked it, but it came. I suddenly had trouble breathing normal. Started to get itchy. (almost like being on a painkiller), weird body sensations, it felt like I was tripping. I had trouble breathing and stayed awake until 4 am. I had eaten these around 8 oclock! It seemed as if I was still high too. How was that possible. I am getting very scared that I am developing almost psychosis from my drug use. I also feel that I get some kind of schizophrenic reactions to weed. I tried Vicodin for the first time last weekend, and I LOVED it. No bad feelings or thoughts, just relaxation. I am not the same person I used to be. It has only been a year, but it feels like I've changed significantly physically and psychologically. I need help, but I don't know where to start. I'm sorry if my typing/grammar has been horrible I'm a bit exhausted attm, and rushing.
I think trying other drugs is the last thing you should do, if I were in that position I would deffinantly think about quitting. Maybe not forever, but at least until you get your stuff together.
Sounds to me like you should talk to a doctor about it. A psychologist would be helpful. Personally, it sounds like your mind is creating these problems because you're worrying too much about how your drug use is affecting you. Like you said, you're the type of person that thinks about everything in depth. I think that you're thinking about your drug use TOO much, and that you're making some of these problems for yourself. Really, though, talk to a doctor and/or a shrink to make sure it's not something else.