Infinite lines lead me into the night- Through endless fields devoid of light It's as if the solitude and monotony conspire To cause my mind, my eyes, my soul to tire My thoughts run blank My heartbeat slows Paralyzed; sedated; comatose The dull haze of lights continually fade Despite attempted escape emptiness pervades My mind gives up My soul follows suit Quiet desperation slowly sets in As my entire existence drifts towards breathless oblivion A little background: I absolutely hate driving for extended periods of time, so this was inspired by a long drive back home. My basic idea was to portray the agony (a little exaggerated, I know) but give it some underlying meaning. So this is what I've come up with metaphorically: falling asleep at the wheel and being trapped in misery.
This is very good man, very good. I would look into adding multi's (I'm just learning about this, haha, and alot have said I have improved my writing ten-fold) but this is very mind blowing and just simply awesome. Great job man
multi syllable rhyme.. "Keep ya distance me and vinne we the sickest, make ya sleep with fishes like tsunamis from the east pacific/ keep a spliff lit, guzzlin the belvedere, chase it with a twelve of beer, heaven fell hell is here. "