Discussion in 'Philosophy' started by mulli_melli, Jun 15, 2002.

  1. Can you be with someone that you love but you know your NOT 'in love' with them? My heart aches sometimes, just to feel that deep magical connection. I feel like something is missing but their is nothing wrong with my life. Everything just keeps sailing along. What's wrong with me? Am I selfish? Do I expect to much?

    Anyone in a relationship? How do you feel? Do you have your off days? Do you think I'm having one?'s all to hard.
  2. [​IMG]we all think the grass is greener sometimes,but if he,s a good guy that does the right thing,ya just having a bad day[​IMG].lf ya really not happy or there are reasons it could be different. heres some smilies ta make ya feel better.[​IMG][​IMG]and ya never told us how the outdoor turned out?????[​IMG]
  3. Sounds like my relationship. I know alllll about that ache to have the magical connection....I have been in a relationship for over 4 years with someone that I am not "in Love" with, but I care about him and he is overall a good person. My heart aches every day because I am lonely in this relationship. I thought I had that magical connection once, but it turned out my spouse also thought smacking me around was part of the deal.

    Maybe you are having an off day? Or maybe you just recognize that there could be more?! I keep telling myself to just be happy with what I have...but some days are harder than others.

    Critter's smilies are the shit, aren't they!? :p Guaranteed to make us smile....
  4. Grass is always greener on the other side. After you cut it, it's all brown underneath! I have painted my ground green. It really screws up people!
  5. love? lust? its all just there to aid procreation when u look at it really.

    (sorry, just been reading over the evolution thread, my minds kinda buzzin on that right now)
  6. Been doing alot of thinking lately, taking a really good look at things. Feeling much better. I guess you can't have everything, no such thing as the PERFECT relationship! Thanks for your input everyone.

    BIG hugs stonygurl, know all about that lonley's not much fun. Things could always be worse, eh! Critters smiles are the shit. Made me smile :) Thankyou.

    YES our outdoor plants rocked. We were so happy with them. We lended up with 5 BIG crowns and heaps of decent smoke. No seeds!! Pretty happy about that. Picked it when the hairs were bout 60% red maybe more. We have photo's but we haven't developed them, in fact I don't even know where that film is! Oh well, it's all gone now....
  7. It could be love, but probably lust. I have been with my man for nearly four years, but my friends brother has really got under my skin.We have nothing in common, but every time i see him i feel like my hearts being ripped out. What does a girl do?He dosnt even smoke!!!!! But hes sexy as hell!!!! Help u lot!!!! zoe.
  8. Sometimes a person feels so alone, like nobody else feels this way.:0 But I am so damned lonely in my relationship that theres days I'd like to kill him. :mad:

    It's been 5 long years. how do I get out? do I want to get out? :confused: It used to be "could i survive without him?" but now it's more "can he survive without me?"

    so yea, you can love someone without being in love. But sometimes we make mistakes and leave the one we're in love with somewhere else.:(

    Love hurts!!! Is it this hard for guys too?
  9. isis_420 I wonder that too, is it hard for guys too? Women have a tendence to mull over emotions and pick them apart piece by piece (and trust me I know, I am one LOL) while guys, eh, it feels good, so it must be OK, right? ;) j/k talk about a generalization. But speak up boys I wanna hear if you think this way too!

    I've been in this pit before too, and well, realistically I think that magical connection is something lucky people get. For some(few?) it lasts the entire life of that relationship, for others it sparks in the beginning & fades with time, for others the magical connection is not always *there* but pops its head in once in awhile to remind you its still there. I'm lucky to where I'm option#3 and that connection rears its head often enough to keep me more or less giddy with love (go ahead kick me).

    But I've had my days ~ I think we all do. IS THIS ALL WORTH IT?!?!?! aughh! I think it's human nature to analyze our "status" in life, and to look deep into ourselves & make sure we're happy in all aspects of our life. Hell what's so wrong with that, we DO ONLY HAVE ONE LIFE as the person we are in this lifetime, right? So it's only fair that we monitor ourselves closely to make sure we're not f'ing up and wasting time with the wrong "soulmate."

    But keep with it, and wait it out. It could be a bad day, week, month, who knows. I can't tell you to stay or go, but can only tell you this!! is a common thing (at least I think), and make sure you think it out before you make your decision either way, and stick with it.
    best of wishes to all the lonely ganjagirls out there~ stony and mulli at least we have the city to entertain our empty moments with??
  10. love is like this picture i made. i try to explain in words but it just doesn't work.

    just at the moment i thought i had my dream girl (the one i knew she was my dream girl for 4 years) she makes of with my best friend and i realise that she only went out with me to get to him... then later in life when we are in college together, i bottle out just after telling her that i love her (mainly because i was kinda worried about her boyfriend who happend to be 13 years older than me)................... oh why. lost love is the worst kind... especially when you know it was never returned and never will be.

    Attached Files:

  11. glad to hear that men agonize over love as well, but Digit very truly sorry to hear about what happened to you.
    there are other fish in the sea, and this girl wasn't meant for you, if she would treat ANYONE like that let alone yourself!

    it just goes to show that men aren't the only evil creatures in the game of love, women can be just as sneaky and downright evil-hearted as well...
  12. in my (somewhat limited) experience of the 'Love' game it isn't either sex that is to blame for being or doing 'evil'. its a mixture of people who are simply "assholes" (for want of a better term) and people who aren't assholes but just end up doing assholey things due to the blinding nature of love.

    in conclusion.

    it's human nature.

    about that girl...

    f*cked up thing is... i still totally love that person no matter what (distance is having no effect, never did, not even when she went away to tenereef for a couple o years). I'm over what happened (and lost a friend because of it- but that doesnt bother me because it helped shape the person i became) but i'll never be over that girl. and it's stifled my ability to move on, but i just can't get her outta my head... maybe if i met someone who was even better...

    anyway... my advice to mulli-melli... don't stress about it. just sit back and enjoy your time with this person because you never know what tomoro might hold.
    and also the english language isn't teh best for talking about love... we only have one word for it... in other languages there are like 7 differant types of love.

    and as for me? hah! I can survive single forever. might be a bit depressed every now and again, suffer a little bit of tenis elbow, never be able to reproduce... but i'll survive.
  13. I've left's really, really sad. I love him BUT I can't be with him. I thought he was the one. I thought he'd rid of a bad personality trait.....but I was wrong. I don't know what the future is going to bring me and my's scarey to be alone but it's scarey to be with a unstable person.

    DAMN HIM! Why, why, why?????? Everything was starting to flow, the business, us, everything was cool....and he threw it all away by being a fuckhead.

    I'm holding onto a small straw of hope that we can be together again, but I'm bracing myself for a life without him.
  14. I know that the pain you feel is unreal right now but if you had doubts that he was "the one" then he more than likely isn't the one.

    Look to your future as an amazing opportunity to be able to really live life to the fullest. If you've always wanted to go down a different path because you had a little faith that maybe that's for you, then do it.

    I can only imagine what it's like to raise a child alone but I have had friends throughout my life who are single parents. Most left their spouse because they turned out to be someone else in the long run,not who they fell in love with. I have this one friend who left her man, decided that the trauma of it wasn't going to get the best of her, and now she and her son live this amazingly happy life. She is doing the things that make her happy...painting, writing and making really cool jewelry. Her son is an open-minded good kid with goals that you wouldn't believe and great respect for his mother for taking the initiative to want happiness for the both of them. You can see it his eyes. He loves his dad, but he isn't and never was blind to his faults.

    "The one" is out there and someday you will be drawn to each other. You'll get that magical connection. It may be sooner or later but all that really matters right now is you and your son. I see that you know that. You will be ok. Time does wonders and if you plant positive seeds and use your inner strength to pull you out of the pain you're in, you will be just fine.

    Good luck!!!!!
  15. "...and when you see that horizon
    believe in what lays beyond
    and when you feel nothin' but confusion
    the wind against you can be used to fly on
    you gotta fly fly on
    you can plan and plan or you can just do
    you gotta dig in deep and find your groove
    sing to your rhythm mama sing to your pain
    let nobody take your voice away..."

    These are a portion of the lyrics of Eagles by Terri Hendrix and when I heard it a little while ago, I thought I would come back and share. Seemed appropriate.
  16. i believe in love... you know, the true love 'there's somebody for everybody out there' kind... I know it can happen... My parents have never divorced and plenty of other couples in my family and my friend's families have had good marraiges, but I also think you can easily love somebody and not have them love you back, or just love someone as a friend also
  17. i don't think love is about depending on each other as much as it is about being friends, close friends. hell when you meet someone you usually think about spending the next 20 -30 years with them and for me to spend that amount of time with one person i would have to be very, very excellent buds with that person. i rate this is important cause when you are good buds and get pissed off with each other it is not taken that personally and the friendship does not end. but usually when you are in a relationship every thing is personal and then silly emotions get in the way of love and being together.
    i'm single at the moment and have been for 3 years ( by preferance) so maybe i've got the wrong idea or maybe i've become cold but untill i find that friend i can't be bothered even though i still believe in love.

    "to cheat oneself out of love
    is the most terrible deception;
    it is an eternal loss for which
    there is no reparation, either
    in time or eternity.
    -soren kierkegaard-

    "using another as a means of satisfaction
    and security is not love.
    love is never security;
    love is a state in which there is no
    desire to be secure;
    it is a state of vunerability.......
    -j krishnamurti-
  18. STONEDOG, you are so right about the friend thing. If you aren't best friends with your partner, then the relationship is missing out on something very cool. Take my word for it.
  19. You should always go with the brain on this. Your heart can be fooled by feelings where as your brain should be intelegent enough to see through bullshit.

    Love shouldn't always come from the heart. Love should come from some one who you can relate to in all aspects of a relationship. Never stay with some one thats not exactly how you want them to be and you think or (know) that you can change them.

    I married a sweet girl and she wasn't just exactly what i wanted in a girl. I thought after time she would see things my way. WRONG it was the very little things that caused us to get divorced.

    Find a person who you can relate to.

    My personal opinion on love is------There are very few couples that actually match. Take more time and look further down the road for that special some one. Do settle for SECOND best. You'll be happy for it.

    Love to all of ya,

  20. I am having a big internal debate about that right now, actually. I'm reading The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand who promotes selfishness and ego, which to me seems ludicrous. She has her points, but I think they are cast in the wrong light. Anyway, it does seem to me that love can very easily be self centered and egotistical. That is the problem, how can one be sure a relationship is two-way, and how can you be sure that your love isn't a delusion and is only there because you want it to be there, not because the person you think you love is actually someone you connect with deeply. I've found I can love almost anyone if I get to know them well enough, sort of like a wacky friend who you are close to simply because you grew up together, but I can't actually love someone in the deepest sense simply from knowing them well. There has to be an understanding of each other, almost as if your two souls are in harmony because of such a deep understanding. I'm not just talking philosophies and beliefs either, anyone can believe something that has no accordance with their soul. It is more than that, it is what drives the person. When two people are driven to be together and help each other progress in life to what they both see as "the way," then they love each other.

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