Losing your first love

Discussion in 'Sex, Love & Relationships' started by HookedonPhonics, May 13, 2010.

  1. Basically, to cut a long story short, i would like some advice on how i'm feeling - and how to get over and move on - about my ex girlfriend.

    I've been going out with a girl for 2 years now, and it's been amazing (or so it seems in hindsight now) and everything seemed to be going strong until about 3 weeks ago. We had plans to go travelling around Asia during this summer, and basically took a year out before university for the sole purpose of going. I've been working straight for 8 months trying to save up enough money to go and had finally saved up enough to be go and then my girlfriend drops the bombshell on me - she didn't want to go anymore.

    There were a lot of complications surrounding the trip - one being that Thailand is having problems at the moment and that was where she really wanted to go. Also i think the pressure of being away from home and trying to explore Asia over 7 countries in 10 weeks just became too much for her. We had also been having a lot of arguments leading up to it and she said she didn't want to go away together with the possible conclusion of one of us having to come home early and the trip being a waste of money. Anyway, in the end she told me all this, we talked for ages and ended up breaking up in tears.

    The next day we had crisis talks and got back together briefly before splitting again without really giving the relationship any chance to progress or try and fix it - this could of been because at this point we were still going to go travelling. Now we are both staying home for the summer together and have been texting - i was hoping that maybe this would lead to more - but she has made it pretty clear she wants it to be over and she wants to get over me in time to go to uni....which we are going to the same one together.

    So at the moment, we work at the same supermarket, we have the same group of friends (which has obviously split in half) and we will end up going to the same uni in a couple of months time. She wants us to move on and i'm finding this very hard to get my head round losing someone so special to me, especially as it all seems so sudden. I can't escape her either, there are just constant reminders of her everywhere and this increases the difficulty. What i find the hardest at the moment is how at first we were both really obviously upset and down, but now she seems to be fine about the whole thing while i feel really depressed by it. She has told me she didn't think the relationship was right for a while and that's one of the worst things for anyone to hear, especially when you were so close to the person.

    Also, today i've discovered she's being texting someone (a good mate) at work chatting and getting advice etc who i've always had a suspicion she liked - he assures me that he is just keeping her company and giving her advice (and i trust him because he has a girl on the go at the moment and have seen how close they're getting, but at the end of the day he is known as a playa and while he might not like her i think she likes him). So basically i still want to be with her, she seems to of moved on almost instantly and i'm left feeling like shit. I know there are more fish in the sea, that i will meet loads of people at uni and that your first love is always the hardest to get over, but i just never imagined it would be this sucky.

    What do you guys think i should do? how do i get over her? start dating again? chill and toke with pals until i go uni? and how do i escape her and keep her out of my mind until then?

    Thanks for all advice! please don't just post the obvious or anything negative and non-constructive. I know this is a weed forum, but you guys are obviously the best people to ask because being high expands your horizons and hoping to get the most down to earth and honest advice :smoke:
    Also, this thread could probably be used for others if they want.
  2. Distance your self from her as much as possible, do not talk to her at work, if she txts do not reply, she will either miss you and come back or you both will move on and find other peeps to make yall happy. Win win!
  3. but i still want to be friends, i don't know why but i don't want her completely out of her life and don't want to be a total dick to her in the process because we didn't break up on total bad terms - in fact it was mutual as i thought it was what i wanted - turned out i don't think it is now.

    I don't know whether i just want her now she's gone, or i want what i can't have etc. Not liking the thought of her getting with anyone, and maybe i'm just being selfish. But it feels fucked up.
  4. I fucking hate love...
  5. Yeah - another hard thing i am trying to cope with right now is:

    1) Why does it really hurt and it's really hard for me, yet seems so easy for her?
    2) Why does it feel like i knew this girl for 2 years and knew her better than anyone in my life, and yet in 2 weeks it seems like she's a completely different person to me?

    What a fucked up emotion and a fucked up mind humans are blessed with :eek:
  6. Girls like that can be very hard to get over, and your situation is made even harder by the fact that you are constantly around her. At work, with your friends, etc. It's easy to see how you are constantly reminded of her, which can be very hard. I think you already answered your question, you are going to Uni soon and there will be many many many new people and girls to get to know. It can sometimes takes months to fully get over a girl in my experience.

    I would suggest being civil and nice to her when you see her, but other then that only text her when she texts you first. Try not to let it affect your relationship with your other friends. All good things have to come to an end at some point, as shitty as it is.

    Also realize that she may just be hiding the fact that she is upset about breaking up, but just because she may be upset about it does not mean she wants to get back together with you.

    Good luck and stay strong, I've been there and I know it really blows to feel like that.

  7. trust me man, im going through the exact same thing as you...actually while reading this my jaw dropped because of the similarity's of our perdicaments

    I'm actually in college now and met this girl here. but we fell apart and now im stuck with trying to move on. I haven't decided yet whether or not im going to try and be her friend again but right now it doesn't seem like its going that way...

    the only advice i can give you is to go outside and ask the first hot girl you see to suck your dick. Remember there is a 50% chance that she'll say yes!!!!!

    but in reality i know it sucks, and i know it hurts man. Everyone has to go through it though and its just something that you gotta learn from. The best advice we can give you would be to distance yourself from her like it was said above. The actual plan of action you should take is entirelly up to you though. You must be the one to make that decision
  8. Okay, you will not ever get over her if you keep contacting her. Distance yourself, occupy yourself with hobbies and friends (possibly different ones). First loves are hard to get over....and you may never forget her but time heals all. When my ex left me out of nowhere I felt like my world had collapsed and I had no idea what to do with myself. I barely slept, my body literally ached, I had the runs, was puking and would wake up crying and fell asleep crying for the first few days. I never thought losing the guy I had planned my future with would fuck me over. Unfortuntaely OP, people change. Yes, you were with her for 2 years and probably knew a lot about her. But my ex also completely changed a week prior to dumping me. It felt as if he wasn't even the same person I fell in love with anymore, and he wasn't.

    People change everyday, you know. I assure you things will get better. It will be hard because she has been a big part of your life but it isn't the end of the world. Time heals wounds though it may seem like you're absolutely helpess at the moment. Everyone goes through this shit, it is a part of life. What did I get from this horrific experience? I came out a stronger, better woman from it. Turns out the piece of shit had already been talking to some other broad....a 21 year old recently divorced chick with a kid (talk about downgrade). I was going to leave my life behind to go be with him...go to school, live together until we had finished college and began working. We talked about marriage, kids, (oh yeah and he's the one that brought up all this shit), what kind of house we wanted, where we wanted, etc. I thought I was set for life pretty much. All crashed down and I had to start from scratch but fuck it, I did it. You can too.

    It will take time to get over her...but there is no rush. Occupying your mind with other shit helps a lot! I'm not telling you to go and find somene first, they'll just end up being a rebound and that'll just cause unnecessary pain to others. Everything will be fine, remember that. Good luck with everything.

  9. Oh lawd not the runs...
  10. Hey man I know how you feel. Almost same story in a way. Was with the girl of my dreams for 2 years. Everything was going perfect till i got sent away to a mental hospital for 3 months. 2 months in there she calls me and says she wants a break. next day i call her and a guy answers the phone saying shes with him now. 4 days later she calls me telling me a story of how she was homeless with him for four days. Tells me that they werent going out and nothing happened. she says she wants to extend the break till i got out. i get out. i know her myspace pasword so got on there and checked it. saw about 106 msgs between them talking about how much they love eachother. she says shes sorry and says she will decide on sunda who she wants to be with. that was last sundsy. she chose him. have quite literally gone insane. tried to kill myself a few times. best ive managed is a cracked skull and bloody nose. but Anyway im doing my best to move on. gonna go on a camping trip with a few hot girls with lots of that lovey mary jane and mushrooms. should be very intresting.:wave:
  11. Ahh, love...to be in it and then lose it...my heart goes out to you cause I can empathize with your situation because I've been there.

    Honestly, as they say, you never really get over the person, but you do however move past it. For me, we broke up on bad terms and honestly, she just did me dirty and it broke my heart, not cause we broke up but because of the way we broke up.

    For weeks I mopped, pretended for that she would call me wanting to get back together and living in the fantasy.

    That part above I ask you to not do. It only makes it harder. At some point, you have to detach yourself from her. I know that while you two where together she became your world and all of that and I know it's hard to do things outside of her because you guys shared friends and such.

    I never shared those things with my girlfriend but I had my best friend which made it easy. I then started to think about all the bad times we had, things that would make me never want to be with her again and after that, I had a fire party. I took a drum (one of those kinds they ship oil in or homless ppl use for fire) and everything she gave me I burned along with a couple of my friends and my sib. We drank beer and I poured my heart out to them. It was getting it out of my system that helped me get past it. I think you need to take some time, find your moment of clarity and try to do something, anything that doesn't remind you of her.

    For me,

    it was being able to be myself again. Tons of Jimmy Eat world and songs that touched on break ups.

    My first love was a controlling, manipulative bitch who often made me feel like I wasn't shit. The moment you can honestly say to yourself "Fuck her" and mean it is the moment your free.
  12. Been in this situation bro, and I have come to find out the QUICKEST and most EASIEST solution to eliminate your depression is to find someone else.

    Not till than will your constant reminders of her be a blur because your mind will be clouding those previous memories with the new feelings and emotions for the new girl.
    Sorry for your lost bro, it really fucking hurts I know.
  13. My first love was hit by a drunk driver and killed instantly.
    Since I'm moving soon I took flowers to their grave today. I kind of envy you having a break up.
    Sorry, I'm gloomy....
  14. wow this is strangely familiar......i feel exactly the same way...

    it sucks sooo bad but i guess i just have to get over it and tough it out
  15. [ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Tk_4IrrJ8s]YouTube - Trey Songz - Love Lost[/ame]
  16. The back of your hand is a powerful tool ;)
  17. I remember my first love. We ended on a bad note with angry letters and words sent between us. Within a week of breaking up she was with another guy. I don't hold it against her anymore or hold any bad feelings though, since I had been thinking about breaking up for a while at the time.

    Anyway, time was the best solution for me. It helped that I had moved so I didn't have many reminders of her, but it was also hard since, sorta like you, all her friends sided with her at the time. So I was pretty much abandoned minus my sister.

    Just smoke some weed and see this as an opportunity to increase your fuck number and do whatever you want now.
  18. [ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Co0tTeuUVhU]YouTube - Kanye West - Heartless[/ame]
  19. I've learned from experience that trying to be friends with your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend immediately after you break up does not work. I was in an on/off relationship for 5.5 years with my exboyfriend. At one point we broke up and didn't talk for 4 months, during which time I occupied myself by going out with friends and living it up. Then he contacted me, and we hung out and I think we both just had time alone enough to move on. We're still friends now and it's all good.

    I think you should try and get her out of your life as much as you can for now. Doesn't mean you have to be a dick to her. Just let her understand that you still like her, but it'll just be too hard for you to see her all the time especially if she's with other guys.

    And above all, even if you may feel like shit on the inside or when you're alone. Do not let her see you like that, because as long as she knows you miss her and feel like shit, she's not gonna feel like she's missing out on anything.
    I know it hurts (i've been hurt MANY times by my ex) but you just gotta remember to look at the grand scheme of things and think that you're still young and have many many years to enjoy life and meet other people.
  20. Don't try to get back together. It will never be the same, and you will miss out on so many potential life experiences in college. Stop dwelling on the trip you were looking forward to having and focus on the exciting change of pace you are about to experience when you start college. Seriously, college is the best thing that will ever happen to you. Let go of the old and embrace the new.

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