In kinda new to the board, don't really post alot, mostly lurk. Alot of cool people here. Anyway, I was just wondering if anyone else here was also very sheltered as a kid and is going or has gone through the same I am. I Im a male, 18, going to be 19 this September. I was raised by a really religious mother who pretty much coddled me from the gate up until I was about 13 or so. I was always by her side even though I was always a very energetic kid who always wanted to be outside (was stuck in my apt in NYC most of the time). My dad's always been around, but for some reason she has always held me away from him (even though he's a decent man who raised my older brother quite well). I always tried to fight with him, and most males of the opposite sex and thinking back its almost as if I had a natural disgust for the same sex. Realizing it now, ive always played the role of younger brother with my best male friends who were always the same age as me. Ive never felt equal to any of my friends. I am just now starting to have dreams where I am sleeping with other women (other than my girlfriend). Ive always heard I was wise beyond my years and very mature for my age and intelligent. But I feel as if I am so far behind males my age and have the emotional intelligence of a 12 year old. I know I should'nt, but I feel ashamed of myself almost for feeling this way. I dont really know what to make of it. Everytime I smoke, it reveals more and more of myself to me, although it doesnt seem to end or help reassure me that this is normal. It's to the point where mentally and physically its messing w me. Any thoughts, theories, ideas etc are greatly appreciated.
Bleezie said it better than I could - wish I could give you more. I had a friend who felt the same way as you, and we tried to help him. Sadly the story doesn't have a happy ending, he ended up becoming quite a recluse. Really, all you can do is try and be happy with who you are. 'emotional intelligence'(i'm unsure what this is) couldn't be more of a burden! Equality amongst friends should be a given. If they try and put you down all too often, You may be hanging out with the wrong crowd.