Long Distance,

Discussion in 'Sex, Love & Relationships' started by Alexman, Mar 21, 2009.

  1. Sssso i've been seeing this girl for a while, and we developed feelings for each other but she didnt want a relationship. Now this was ages ago so i left it and continued seeing her and shit.
    Anyway a few weeks ago she wanted to make us have a proper relationship.
    Aaaand i'm talking to her now and she just wants to have an open relationship.
    Like, i've known her for over 15 months, and about 7 or 8 of them have been spent romnticlly involved.
    But like, i just want to make her happy.
    So i'm attched to her she knows it and im pretty sure the same with me.
    But this open relationship bullshit is just not something i've ever seen as something good.
    It's like why even bother, especially now that we're actually together.

    She's bothering me now because she broght it up and i said i had a small issue with it when she asked but if thats what she wants then she should be able to have that, i honestly believe that. But if she wants to see other guys, ooooobviously i m not mking her happy enough.
    Can you only reply if you're gonna take me seriously.
    She lives 4 hours away i normally see her a few times a month.

    Am i just setting myself up for something that wont work?
  2. Long distance is stressful. Make sure she's worth it.

    I would straight out ask her if she wants an open relationship just so she can be involved with other guys too, because if that's what's really going on, you're just going to end up being jealous and angry all the time because it sounds like you sincerely like her.

    If she says that's not it, find out what the reason is. It could be anything... maybe she thinks she's doing you a favor since it's long distance, maybe she's scared of commitment (and, in turn, giving your relationship an actual title), etc.
  3. honestly man, it sounds like it your settin up for disappointment. I did this exact same thing awhile ago, I was real close to this girl (we were great friends for prolly 4 months or so then started gettin real romantic) but then she moved a few hrs away. Inside i was like "fuck this sux, i really loved bein with her" but i could see that school was more important to each of us than the relationship was. we tried doin it, Talked on the fone alot, but it just wasnt a satisfying relationship, we both needed that physical contact (not just sexually) and we werent gettin it.

    So we ended up havin to part ways.

    A big difference between a girlfriend and a friend is that physical bond, when you have a relatively young relationship and break that physicality its hard to keep the relationship goin. I think thats why it seems she kinda went back n forth, im sure she feels romatically for you but also craves that attn, so when you can see each other its like perfect... but then you go home and its like fuck this sux again.
  4. Lets have a sit down with Uncle D here.

    From the very first section you should have seen red flags. I understand that you have strong feelings for this girl but she didnt want a realationship for 7 to 8 months of you being "romanticaly involved". Not a huge bad sign but def something you should of thought of. The next thing is the distance. You two obviously have strong feelings if you keep this thing (whatever you wanna call it) going for 7 to 8 months so it seems like the distance is more of an issue with her than anything. She seems to be into you. If you were closer to her and saw her everyday you probley would be exclusive right now. The distance thing is gonna be a prob and her asking for an open realationship shows that she is not 100 % sure she can be trusted only seing you a couple times a month. Dont blame her at all on this one, hell i can barely stay with a girl thats the next block over. You got to think of it this way, that door swings both ways. Have as much fun as possiable and enjoy the time you have with her when you have it, but if you dont want this to end in heartbreak for you then you have to keep your options open. During the time she is away dont feel bad to go out with another girl or anything, this is what she wanted and is probley doing herself.

    Best of luck to you bro and i hope the situation works itself out for ya.
  5. one of my friends has had a girlfriend in montreal canada for almost 3 years now, about a 5+ hour drive away and somehow he's been able to pull it off. its gotta go both ways man, you both gotta feel real strongly for eachother and there has to be a stronger sense of trust.

    Personally, I cant even make a relationship in my own home town work..
    how the hell would I do long distance hahahaha.

  6. I <3 weed smoke, thanks heaps man, I haven't replied sooner cause I just haven't known what I was going to do.
    I trust her, but if anyone has been as close to me as she is I would trust them too.

    My biggest worry is we elaborated on it further and she was talking about when she gets drunk she wants to be able to not worry what happens.

    Which is fair enough I guess.
    She doesn't go out and get drunk very much since we have been involved with each other. She's just been drinking at her friends's house. Who is a girl.
    Bbbut she was saying how about 6 guys asked her for her number last time she went to a bar.

    I'm currently in adelaide
    Which is the city she lives at, I have a few doctors appointments but with any luck I should see her tonight. And with more luck I will be able to find some weed before that in case it all goes to shit.

    I really appreciate you guys helping. I'll post how tonight plays out.

  7. Bro, What do you want? Its clear you obvisouly love her. I<3 weed smoke's advise is bang on. I feel your need to make it work because thats what love does.

    To be honest my personal advice (which I went through almost the same thing you did) Dont try to change her mind or try to justify what she is doing is ok if YOU disagree. I made that mistake and almost lost myself trying to make something happen and change her mind.

    Believe it or not, Weed is excellent if you need to just get some time out and see what its like. It helps you focus and think without that sudden urge to fix everything. Good luck bro.
  8. Re-evaluate. She didn't want a serious relationship. It's distance. She wants to have sex with other people. Is she with you because she wants to be or because she can't screw up the courage to end it? Without open communication and positive assertion of personal desires relationships that shouldn't be can continue for a long time, and they just end in heartbreak when you find she doesn't feel the same way.

    If she really does want to make this work, then your issue is the open relationship. If you're not ok with it then it isn't ok. End of story. No whining on her part. She shouldn't get what she wants because she wants it. She should be concerned with what you want and what will cause you pain. Relationships work both ways. Defend your happiness, because she's obviously fighting for hers instead of yours.

    Remember that the distance is enough of an issue, and open relationships on their own can cause problems. Combining the two is a recipe for disaster. Either she'll be wanton with her choices, which poses a health risk to you both, or she'll chose particular repeat lovers. If she has a steady lover at her side, what good will you be to her?

  9. ^this.

    note: Damn, TB's got the real skinny on relationships.
  10. Well i just got back from the city,
    after i first saw her and kissed her she told me it had been worth the time apart.
    And i so i guess problem kinda solved, you guys really really helped me out. And if it wasnt for weed i wouldnt have been able to think through it without going directly negative.
    Thanks again guys.

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