So this is just kind of a rambling thread. I'm gonna be 27 in December, and I don't know anymore than I did at 7 The only constant is that I truly know nothing, the more I try to figure things out the more I fail. The more I try to make sense of the world and my place in it, the more I wonder if I make the right decision, did I make a mistake, am I a good person ? I thought that as I got older, things would become clearer, more defined. However that is not the case, I am just as clueless as I've always been. December is a hard month for me since in 2009, I was almost killed, sometimes I have good days where it doesn't affect me, other days it is a struggle to get up. I suffer from PTSD and sometimes I feel weak, other days I'm angry, I Push people away when they try to help because I feel unworthy of help, because I'm not a soldier or war veteran, what I went through isn't as bad I don't know I'm just kinda blah today
I know, I do cherish people I love I just need to vent. It's hard fore to express my feelings with spoken words, this is easier for me
I got attacked at work, hit over the head with a gun and nearly strangled with a string tied around my neck, I was left for dead on the bathroom of a hotel that I worked in.
It just makes me angey, it's been 3 years I have not recieved workers comp help, nor did the police even consider it a hate crime, I was offered no help, and I am left with deep emotional scars which I do not know how to deal with, I can handle getting punched in the face, but this I have no idea... I am still very angry about it, I feel as if a part of me did die that day, I get mad because I feel like I should be over it, then I get angrier. I don't tell people because nobody seems to understand, I do not want sympathy, or for ones to feel sorry for me, I Just want someone to talk to, a shoulder to cry on, etc.
well let me start by saying no one should be treated like that and thats pretty fucked how the cops delt with it, it wouldnt in anyway be your fault that it happened to you. If you really are having problems dealing with it still, all you can really do is reach out to your family or even go talk to a professional about what youre going through. I'm in no way a person who promotes going to see coucilors and psychologists but talking to people does tend to help especially those that can give you decent advice and ask the right questions.
Thank you for your kind words. I do need help unfortunately that help is expensive and I don't have the finances now. Even on a sliding scale, so I am kind of forced to go it alone. I try to talk to my wife but I can't express myself without getting angry, blowing up and yelling, that frightens her, she has her problems too and I feel selfish talking about my feelings, especially since I don't know how to deal emotionally, I distance myself, put up walls, the crazy thing is that I know I do this yet I can't stop. I've been really awful when people try to help, because I feel like I am being selfish,weak, childish and stupid. I feel like others judge me and that just further fuels my anger. In the beginning of this ordeal, I told everyone I didn't need help, I hid my feelings and now that it's hitting me, the people I've pushed away are done trying to help me, and I don't blame them. Somedays are good and it doesn't bother me, other days its hard just to deal with the tiniest thing. I've never been good with emotional pain, I just shut down or get angry. Today is a bad day, I had nightmares last night, I didn't sleep well, now I am off to work because I can't afford to miss a day. It does feel good to write it out, I need to it more often, but it's. hard to find the words.
maybe branch out for a public councellor under the medical act if they have them where you are. Just remember when you are talking to these people they cant understand whats going through your mind as far as emotions go and they are just doing their best to understand and give you advice from an outside party.
buy a gun OP and you will feel your fear and PTSD go away. so incase someone does attack you again you can shoot it out and win or lose. atleast you gave a fight for you attackers life also.
I really wish there was something I could say to help. That must have been pretty awful, I'm scared comin to work because of the area I work in. I don't know what I'd do if my fears became a reality. You gotta be pretty strong to get past it half as well as you have so take some comfort in that. I understand the whole not wanting help. I'm the same way, I hate it when people try to help. It makes me feel like a little kid who isn't capable of handling things on their own. Whenever people try to talk to me about ny problems I just shut them out and end the conversation and its probably not healthy. Idk if you ever need to talk you can pm me. Hope your day goes better even though you gotta work
It's definitely not that simple man.. OP I have to say I'm sincerely sorry to hear what happened to you. That's some fucked up shit for anybody to go through. I can't say that I can relate specifically, but I do know what it's like to be upset about little shit for seemingly no reason, only to think to myself "It's stupid that I'm upset about this, why can't I just deal with it like an adult?" which then makes me even more angry. I've never been good at talking about myself on any level, emotional, mental, whatever, so writing it out was my solution when I was younger. Nowadays I don't break down over shit so often, but it still happens.. And thankfully I have a wonderful girlfriend to comfort me, give me that support that I've never had from anyone. Even if she doesn't understand, and even though I can't explain it to her, just having her be there for me helps. I can't ever talk to her about it because I react the same way that you do; I get angry, I yell, it makes her sad/frightened... So I just sit quietly in her arms and let it out y'know? Sometimes that's all you can do.
Sorry you had to experience something so bad man... I'm glad you're still here with us. I hope the asshole who did it burns in hell!!