Just to clarify...I am the second wife!!! And we have had more than our share of having to overcome challenges.... Some say love is not enough...but that's not easy for the one in love to hear... Seperation might make him face what he is losing and be able to make a choice for himself.... No alcoholic can change for someone else, they have to do it for themselves or it's pointless... My mother was an alcoholic until I was 17...I know what you are going through... Stick to your guns girl!
I completely agree mrsdingusus.....Daisyduked, You should think about just temporary seperation. Take some time off and kick him out until he gets his shit together. Sooner or later after a few nights of drinking he'll realize that what you guys had was so much better then the alcohol. And he'll ring your doorbell, and he'll apologize for everything, and you two are gonna make up, and everythings gonna be chill from that moment on..... PS: What does he say about you smoking? Or just smoking in general (marijuana). Edit: The reason this post might sound a little dumb is because ive been on adderall and i smoked a bowl 5 mins ago for the first time of the day, and if youve smoked on adderall you know how fucked up you get, not even really high just slow and stupid and sleepy. The moral to this...Dont smoke weed on adderall (prescription stimulant)
lol!!! he has no problem with me smokin. but i told him that i would quit if he wanted me too. in time he may resent that i can do it but he can not. me giving up drinking is nothing. i've had my fill. i can take it or leave it. He really is a good guy with a big problem. i just can't stop thinkin about it. i'm just worried cuz he thinks he doesn't have a problem and he's doin it for me. not himself. if he doesn't think there's a problem, then what's the problem. do ya catch my drift? i didn't want him to come back so soon. but he asked me to give him a chance. this is his golden chance. his buddies from work are big time alcoholics, and his most of his friends. i do see us happy together in the future. but it's hard. i don't know what to expect, should i have done the tough love thing and told him to fend for himself? but yet if i want to really help him is that the right thing. any situation i look at there is a pro and a con. if he his true to his word, then all will be well right? ow. i hope so. you guys may hear alot of ranting from me for awhile, so in advance i apologize for goin on and on about this. it's just very confusing. mrsdingusus, you are a very lucky women to have an understanding husb. most men, couldn't be bothered with this kind of thing. i thought i'd be talkin to some bladies more than anything. and welcome to the city! rmjl u are on the button. i just have no idea what to expect. maybe alot of good sex! hey every time he wants a drink, he can have his specialty from the one and only. but i don't think that'll work for long.lol well guys and gals, i made it through another day. almost. at least he's out of town workin in a dry camp~coincidence?
I am damn lucky and I count my blessings daily.... I hope you find the same...whether he changes or not....don't lose your self-respect!
Daisyduke I have been where you are but under different circumstanses. I have some advice that will help you in this situation. First of all if you tell him it's your way or the highway, He will only change for a short time. If you give him ultimatums, sooner or later you will regret it. A marriage is a bond between partners. There has to be give and take from both parties. I'm not saying there is a right or wrong just an equal ground. When one tries to make the other be what they want them to be, Usually it ends up in a love hate match. What you should do. 1 Tell him that you disapprove of his drinking and becoming beligerant. 2 Tell him that you are not a punching bag or a dog and that you can not handle his abusiveness physically or mentally. 3Let him know that your a equal partner and that you need more communication where he listens to you. 4 Tell him that you love him but you will not be able to tollerate the way things are. 5 Let him be a person and not feel like your the boss and he is just another employee. I have been divorced since april. I have had a really hard time dealing with the tings that happened over the last 5-6 years. My wife was diagnosed as having a chemical inbalance of her brain. She is now on medication and it helps her make decisions from her mind instead of her feelings. The trouble with most people is they make decisions from what they feel instead of the INTELLIGENT thing to do. An example of what i'm saying......... He should quit drinking because he can't handle drinking, Not that he is a bad person! He can't think well enough when drinking to control his abusive behavior. Abusive behavior is Learned behavior. Thats the way he was taught by his parents or who ever when hwe was growing up. So te end this rambeling, I will add that you are very loved by us all here at the city. When you are feeling down there are people here that care. I hope that happiness will return to your life and love to your heart. I'm sorry for not being here sooner for you.
aaww, thanx budhead. i have told him all that in one way or another. and as u stated, i am afraid that he's just doin this for me, not himself. i hate this. time will tell. i will keep u guys posted.
He can do this for you as long as he doesn't start resenting it. Most people will find they are better off with out it. Some people feel that it's not a problem. Please keep us posted.
Hey DaiseyDuked All my life I have been surrounded by alcholics. All I can say is take it from the kid/sister/wife of an alcholic, 41 years later there are still those nasty memories. 8 years into his sobriety I still dont forget. There is nothing you can do to help him other then wait till he really discovers that something just aint right. Otherwise you are just gonna loose the battle. Because to him there is no battle because right now there is nothing wrong. Hes gotta hit his low and he's figure out that hes there. So since you cant choose how hes gonna live, you need to choose the right life for you and the kids. Oh, by the way, Hi im new round here. And I talk way to much when im stoned. I was readin your post and could relate to what ya must be feelin. Its been a cold night at soccer practice and now I can finally relax. peace
welcome to the city and thanx rustedone! this is what i need. some info from everyone. so much support. it helps.but am i being niave or what. he keeps telling me not to worry and trust him. he says he can do it. i'm just prayin my little heart out here! if he doesn't though, just one drink....and he's doin his talkin while he's walkin. i wont back down. i've been through to much, and the kids. the kids. i don't want them to see him like that. they love him. i don't want to ruin that. even though i know it's him. i can't talk about this anymore tonite. my head is just spinning. if there is anymore info please be my guest! i'll take all i can get. my little darlins are sleepin and i'm gunna have a nice bubble bath, relax take a deep breath, i've got some oil, a friend brought it over, he thought that's what i wanted. i had to laugh i never buy oil! don't matter same shit different pile. anyways have my bath and watch a movie. thnx e1!!!!!!! you'll never know how much this helps me.
well..i didnt really read through the other stuff, but i read your initial post, and my father being an alchoholic dickmonkey, i know exactly how it is, and no, your not looking for excuses, he probably is a great guy when NOT DRUNK, much like my father..he is a GREAT guy when not drunk, but, as soon as he gets off of work at 8 hes poppin one open..oh well..hes been allright here lately tho..thats besides the point....
Both my parents and younger brother were/are alcoholics, i hate to say it but.......nothing we ever did, and none of their continuous promises amounted to anything. In the end i walked. People always gave advice that things would change and love would prevail......No! it didn't. Sorry, i can't give you hope. I sincerely wish you all the very best for the future, what ever you finally decide.
i respect everything you're doing don't rely on counciling but rely on your standards do not let him drink i smoked since 4th grade and now i quit 4 college and still kick it with HARDCORE SMOKERS and still don't smoke he can or at least he damn well should be able to do the same with alchohol if u luv him,and he loves you and you both love the kids y'all are in great sha[pe but if anyone in that equation loves alchohol FUCK 'EM alchohol doesn't deserve to be held on the same level as family IN ANY SITUATION GOOD LUCK AND STAY STRONG P.S. in response to what critter said just GIVE HIM A REASON TO CHANGE THAT HE WANTS TO INCORPORATE
NAH MAN SHE SHOULDNT HAVE TO WORK HER WAY AROUND HER PERSONAL LIFE JUST TO TRY FINDING A REASON FOR HIM TO QUIT DRINKING. IF HER THROWING HIM OUT OF THE HOUSE ISNT A BIG ENOUGH WARNING, SIMPLE WORDS WONT HELP......IM THINKIN YOU HIRE A COUPLE MEXICANS, THEY'LL ROUGH HIM UP A BIT. TAKE PHSYCIAL FORCE....HE USED TO ABUSE YOU, NOW ITS YOUR TURN!!! EDIT: SORRY IM NOT ALL INTELLIGENT AND HELPFUL RIGHT THIS VERY SECOND, I SEEM TO HAVE AN ITCH, BUT I CANT QUITE MAKE OUT WHERE IT IS........HMMMMM, ANY IDEAS?
lol, i just watched ENOUGH and i so bad wanted to take up whatever the hell it was Jennifer Lopez was doin. kick boxing/self defence shit. man did she whip her husb bu ut!!! an itch? no bum scratching... please!!!!
HIGH All, daiseyduked I too am an Ironworker who drinks in excess after work and I think any wife of an Ironworker leads a life of ups and downs. When someone gets abusive in any relationship something has to be done. Daiseyduked the Ironworkers Union has The Construction Industry Rehabilitation Plan which is setup to assist you with any problems you may have. Call the Plan the number is 521-8611 Toll free 1-888-521-8611 Like you said earlier we Ironworkers Work Hard and Play Hard, still there is no need for abusive relationships (mental or physical). I hope things get better for you.