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kicking my husb out!!! rant holy shit!!!

Discussion in 'General' started by daiseyduked, Oct 9, 2002.

  1. well i'm so upset so confused i have no idea what i'm doin. i just booted my husb. out. he's an alcoholic. of course he doesn't seem to think so. he has been abusive in every wich way but for some fucked up reason i still luv the jerk. why? like what the fuck!!!! how could i luv someone so selfish and rude to me. when he's sober he's the best father and a decent husb. but get him drinkin and all hell breaks loose. i come home from work he's drunk and the guys are here half pinned stumblin around swearin and talkin shit. my kids are seein this. well after 10 yrs i finally booted him out. enough was enough. he is controlling and wouldn't let me do anything. literally. i got to go to dancing once a week. i rarely go out to drink, so i would go to a friends house and we just have coffee, tea or whatever and just smoke a pinner. but nope i can't do that. i don't know. i've since let him back under the condition that he quits drinking. he has agreed and wants couseling and whatever it takes to be home with me and the kids. right now of course he is agreeing to do anything, and i'm worried i'll be in the same boat 3 months down the road. aahhhhh!!!!!! i don't know what i'm doin. if he's not drinkin he's awesome. a really good person. maybe i'm lookin for excuses for him to be home. oh i have no idea. just needed to rant. if you got some input that would be very helpful. thnx.
     
  2. well i was wanting some input, support something!!!!! am i doin the right thing? did i screw up lettin him back? oh forget it. i don't have a clue either.
     
  3. You didnt screw up letting him back.

    If you two are in love you will never be able to seperate for long. If you two are not in love, then I wouldnt reccomend living with eachother.

    Unless he physically/verbally abuses you or your kids I wouldnt take it so hard on him. Maybe if you put some details on what he does that gets you so depressed I could help out a lot. See I used to live in an alcoholic household where my mom would yell and fight for hours at me just because she was drunk. It did some major permanent damage so if he is doing the same with your kids i'd kick his ass out...Otherwise dont be so hard on him :)

    Good luck, remember to post more details after you read this
     
  4. dont worry too much i know it is easyer said than done


    i agree if he is physicaly or mentaly abusing you or the kids ...get the fuck out!


    most people dont change...espesaly when they are older


    how old are you guys?


    we wish you the best of luck.....
     
  5. thnx so much! u don't know how much i appreciate it. well he has been physically abusive and definately verbally abusive.he's out drinkin all the time and i'm supposed to be at home lookin after the house makin supper for him and i'm not into doin that for him when he can't even get his ass home sober to eat! he's not physically abusive anymore because i'll fight back. i'd be fightin like you wouldn't believe. and i hate that. the kids don't see it, but i'm sure they hear it and i don't want that for em at all. i just don't know if i should of let him back. i do luv him, oh that is a hard one to say. i didn't think i did anymore but when i booted him out it hit me. he says he loves me and the kids so much wich i believe he does, but he still thinks he doesn't have a drinkin prob. he is so hurtful and mean when he comes home drunk and i'm a bitch and everything else under the sun. he doesn't do anything to the kids but the next day he's hung so he has no patience. there have been times i come home from work and he's passed out. when he's not drinkin he's the perfect dad. there is just so much i don't even know where to begin.i don't think he cheats on me, one thing he does have is my trust. but he is constantly accusing me of sleepin with not just one but just about all of his friends.i have never cheated on him( except once when i left him 6yrs ago and all we did was kiss)there is just so much shit goin on. i feel like i broke up the family, even though he is back it doesn't feel right but i don't want him to go. oh i have no clue where to begin tellin you about all this shit.any info would be greatly appreciated thnx again.
     

  6. we're 29. he doesn't hurt the kids. but the yellin at me and the fighting does. if he ever ever even touched one of the kids i swear there would be an iron pan imprint on his freakin head!
     
  7. OK how old are your kids?

    Dont let them be around a drunk who yells

    Dont let them be around anyone who yells like that.

    Its not a healthy environment and could cause them to be the same way when older.

    Have a meeting with him. Tell him he has to stop drinking or else its over permanently. If he chooses alcohol over you and the kids, DIVORCE AND SUE HIM FOR EVERY FUCKIN PENNY HE HAS!
     
  8. lol that's what i did. i booted him out and was originally not gunna let him back until he had proved himself to me and i felt comfortable letting him back. but he is an iron worker. these guys work hard and play hard. he asked for a chance to prove himself at home. he said he would quit and go to couseling and whatever it takes to stay with us. but is it a bunch of bull so he could get back in. whatever it is i told him if i find out he had been drinking i don't care if it was one drink, he is out. the kids understand and took it very well. my daughter is 8, and my little guy is 4.

    right before i asked him to leave the house i asked him to choose us or the booze. he said he'd have to think about it. that's when i said your outa here, you lost your chance. shut the door on the way out. so he knows he can't drink but he is gunna have a prob with that cuz everyone he knows drinks like a fish. but i am holding all the cards right now. i told him how things will be and if he can't give me what i want then hit the road. i'll find someone who will. i just hope he's bein honest and really gunna try. and your right the kids don't need to hear any of that. i told him it our kids time with us right now. in yrs to come we can party and what not but i guess that wont happen if he aint drinkin right. i'm just keepin my fingers crossed and hopin i don't have to go throught the kickin out part again.
     
  9. i have to agree...im about to be 29 myself


    and i know how hard it is to keep a marrige together

    my first wife was useless

    and that dident make itself apparent untill we where parents!

    geting thru that was hard enuff


    but the kids and i are doing much better now

    it has been a few years and we have devloped a new family

    changeing your family arround is one of the hardest

    scaryest things you can do in your life

    if he is a drunk and does the things you say ...


    then sadly my advice would be to tell him to fuck off

    and go away....

    and dont let him back..


    when we let our kids get away with something

    they figure they can keep geting away with it !

    adults do the same

    if you let him get away with how he treats you now

    he will think he can always get away with it...

    "oh fuck she wont do anything about it ...besides even if she throughs me out she will always take me back..."

    controleing people like to rely on the fact that they have you convinced you cant make do with out them...


    just be carefull

    and dont get fucked!
     
  10. i can do without him. he's out of town alot and out drinkin alot. i can do it. i know i can. and if he doesn't follow my rules he's out. simple as that. i have never kicked himout before, i have left. and i wasn't gunna let him back in. this is his only chance left. the golden one to prove himself. if he can't hack it then i know me and the kids are better off. but it is hard. u know. kids, house and all that comes with . whewww. thank`you so much guys for letting me rant and bitch i know i'm doin the right thing, i just don't feel like me...
     
  11. time is the only thing that will help those feelings

    be strong


    and if your feeling week


    let us know and we'll back you up!
     
  12. i needed that. thanx. you guys will never know how much i appreciate this. all of my friends are friends with my husb. so it's hard. they don't want us bustin up yet they know how he is and all that. i will send good karma and prayers your way. thank~you again.
     
  13. Its sad how some people cant control Alcohol for the life of them...I've been around many raging uncontrollable alcoholics who just depress me. It sucks when the only parent you have is an extreme alcoholic.

    I however, am fine now. My mom got help in rehab a while back and everything is perfect now :).

    Dont let him back unless he can abide by your rules daisyduked. You need to take control and not let him drink, make him not drink, do every little thing you can. What do your children have to say about him and his drinking??

    I forgot to add, if he has already abused you in the past why take shit from him again? He doesnt deserve someone like you. You are a great person and you deserve much more then some sloppy annoying drunk. Maybe its time to go lookin for someone else?

    Just make sure you keep your kids safe, I hate to see kids suffer due to someone elses nasty habit, its a fucked up thing that happens very very much in this world. Kids should feel safe at home. And being in a hostile environment is a great way to fuck them up when they get older. This all can cause depression and even more. My moms drinking is what persuaded me to attempt suicide not only once, but twice. I guess it was me bein locked up in a psych ward that made her realize she was fuckin me up. So you see, All he needs is a wake-up call, he needs to realize that he is screwin up and that he needs to be there for you and the kids.

    Does he smoke weed? You should try and see if maybe he would take up the habit of smokin weed instead of drinkin alcohol. I know that when your used to gettin intoxicated every single night, its hard to all of a sudden stop. Maybe marijuana could help him in a way? What kind of things does he do when he comes home drunk? Detail all the problems he causes at home.

    If you two were meant for eachother you will end up together in the end. If you werent then you will find someone else.
    Just remember that there is someone on this earth for everyone, and maybe he isnt that someone. Do you honestly love him? I can understand what it feels like to love someone so much but to hate them in such a strong way too. Life is just so confusing. Someday, we'll all look back on these problems we had, and laugh. Try a family meeting. Get your kids in there with him and have a talk. Tell him everything you want him to stop/start doing. Tell your kids to tell him that his alcohol abuse is hurting them. This might very well work, but then again it might not. I wish I could have a talk with him, i'd make sure he doesnt drink ever again. Hope I was a big help. And keep us updated as much as you can on what happens, you have my hope and love to you and your family. Good luck :)

    PS: We're always here for you at the city, dont forget that
     
  14. aaww thank~you so much. he doesn't like pot. he used to smoke it but doesn't like it anymore. i wish he would. i thought of bringing the kids into this but at the same time idon't want them to get involved. but i think it might open his eyes a little more. i honestly don't know how i feel about him right now. i see him with the kids and love him. and at other times i don't. but that's just marriage too. i know i'm a good person and it sure feels good to hear someone say that. maybe all will be good or i may realize in time he is just not for me. whatever happens i know i will happy in the end with or without him. i will not put up with the abuse and drinking anymore and he knows that.
     
  15. I completely agree. Your lucky to be such a strong person on the inside because many people in your situation would not be able to handle it. I see your a good mother and you care for your kids a lot.

    As for the kids, make sure to get them involved. If they have already seen him abusive or uncontrollable in any way chances are they're scared. If you had them talk to him while you supervise it, and everyone is nice and calm and sober, they could have a big impact on whether he changes or not.


    Most people who cause problems or become abusive when they drink is because they drink for the wrong reason. I drink to have fun and to party. The majority of problem drinkers abuse alcohol because they drink it to escape their problems.
    Using anything as an escape is completely WRONG. This causes their feelings to collide with their intoxication. So if he is drinking because he is sad, he may be hitting walls, crying, etc.... If he drinks because he is stressed, it will intensify his feelings greatly and cause him to become super-stressed to the point where he has to take it out on something physically. I've learned many many things about alcohol/alcoholics from therapy and rehab and the only important thing is to not see drinking as an escape. People need to deal with their problems mentally or with help of other people. They cant turn to alcohol/drugs. Most people dont realize this and thats why we see so many fucked up people these days.

    The way I think of Alcohol/Drugs when I drink or smoke, is that its like a luxury. I dont let that drug become me. I let it boost my mood. I let it spice things up. You cant count on substance abuse to make you a happy person, you have to start out happy and think of all those substances as a little luxury to spicen up the mood a little bit. You dont have to think exactly like this, but if people take that philosophy and use it in any kind of way, they wouldnt have much problems with alcohol/drug abuse/addiction. The hard thing is, people need to figure out how to be happy from the start, and many people dont know how to be happy with what they have. They are always depending on others or items to make them happy. They always want more, and that causes the addictive personality.

    Im on adderall right now, so thats why I've been glued to the computer typing endlessly. Peace
     
  16. i believe that totally. he says he does it cuz he likes it. but there has got to be more. his dad is a horrible disgusting drunk. you can't live day in and day out drunk cuz your havin fun? how can u like bein hung every day, walkin the steel yet. he's gunna kill himself. maybe i should get the kids to talk to him with me there. it may be good.
     
  17. Yeah give him one last chance to make a change. Make him sign a contract never to drink again, make him sign it right in front of you and the kids.

    If he breaks this contract, leave him for good.
     
  18. fucking a

    draw the line baby

    only you can decide where to draw it

    but dont let a muther fucker cross it!

    and if he does make it clear what will happen

    dont be affraid to be assertivr and forceful

    stand up girl you are not alone in this fight

    and a fight is what it is
    if you want to get him to comply with

    you and the kids demands


    and jw i dig alot of what your saying

    i grew up in the shiter too

    spent my time in the "hospital"

    where they tryed to shrink my head


    i see where you are comeing from


    alcohol can be a lovely thing ....but not if your an alcohloic!

    i am shure you will be ok dasie

    with friends like theses blades

    how could you go roung!
     
  19. it feels good to hear! thanks alot! and i will be strong. i am strong.
     
  20. Wow!

    A man who's an alcoholic is a man hard to get along with. He doesn't see it and even if he does, to quit drinking is a scary thing for him. A man who's an alcoholic giving up alcohol is a man even harder to get along with.

    If you let him stay, then patience is going to have to come into play. There are so many things that happen when someone goes from drinking to not drinking. I'm not a patient person so I prefer a drunk over someone not handling a sober reality very well.

    But when they do handle it well, things can be really cool. If he's a great dad and you love him and you can honestly say to yourself that if he weren't a drunk then life would be wonderful, then you should try to keep it together and help him to overcome this. His time drinking with the guys needs to be filled with something else that may relax him. If he stops drinking and has nothing to do, it will drive him right back to it.

    ...if you think about the relationship that the two of you have with him being a sober man and you can't see happiness and great things happening then the love you have for him isn't the love that thrives and grows in this particular situation...sober or not.

    You need to do what is best for you and your children...not for the time being, for the long run. You'll feel it and your strength will guide you through it no matter what your decision is.
     

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