just a little poem.

Discussion in 'The Artist's Corner' started by BlueMoon890, Dec 17, 2005.

  1. a man lays face down in the river,

    a cold wind rides the rocks,

    and the river is cold,

    and the winds are cold enough to chill your soul,

    and the worms'll start crawling.

    You'll listen for a heartbeat,

    but you'll never understand,

    what he went through.
     
  2. what the hell does that mean?
     
  3. what the hell does your screen name mean bitch?

    its about a fuckin dead guy in a river that killed himself.
     
  4. thats some funny shit
     
  5. Interesting.
     
  6. i can understand why he would ask what it means...

    some of it sounds repetitive, you spent 2 lines telling us the wind was cold,and also mentioned the rocks being cold.

    a man is dead in the river and you talk about worms crawling giving the impression that hes been there awhile...the reason i mention this is because if hes been dead this long why are we listening for a heartbeat?

    how is it about a man killing himself? noone knows how he died or why....it simply says "a man lays face down in the river"

    you never want to use the word "and" like you did..(too much) and this doesnt always go but your choice of contractions was odd for a poem (like worms'll).

    most of all, when you post something especially a poem dont be an ass to people who give you input, its just rude...id give you an F if you gave this to me
     
  7. and, and ,and, and , and little too repititious, but the general theme is powerful, try to find some other words other than cold.
     

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