It hurts so much

Discussion in 'Sex, Love & Relationships' started by SGsgirl05, Jan 25, 2009.

  1. ok, so heres the deal..

    My boyfriend of 4 years and I broke up. We tried to take a "break" in October through early December and everything was going fine. We both live in Georgia and have been planning on moving up to Louisville KY for the past few years. We broke up a few weeks ago. It sucks and it hurts so bad. I feel like a can't function.

    We had a great relationship. We never got into horrible fights, arguments yes, but respectfully, no name calling. I met him when we were 14 and 15. We got along really well and were awesome friends and flirted like crazy. I wound up getting sick and needing a kidney transplant. He offered me his, but I couldnt take it because he was too young only 16 at the time. We've been through so much together. I know he loves me very much, and I love him more than I can describe. We support eachother in decisions we make and hes a wonderful guy. Now we're both 20. He says he doesnt know who he is and needs to find himself. Theres no interest in another girl but says we both need this and hopes that this will make things better. We still talk everyday which makes me sad but happy at the same time. I Love talking to him, hes my bestfriend.
    He texts me or calls me everyday. He says he feels like his life is out of control and hes in a depression and doesnt know what to do. I asked him if anything had to do with me and he said no, he said I was wonderful and beautiful and I didnt do anything. I feel like hes still in love with me but doesnt know what to do with himself and hes dragging me down with him (which isnt true) We had a house picked out and everything, we were even taking a trip to see it soon. He called me at 2 in the morning the other day to tell me that he misses me.
    He has never disrespected me or our relationship. I truly feel like hes trying to find himself and I'm trying to allow him to do that. It hurts so much, I love him and can't stand being without him, but it hurts me to talk to him just the same. I walked into Home Depot today when I was running errands and started crying when i saw all the kitchens and carpet and everything because we had our house planned out and everything. I want my life with him, to pick out floor tiles and fight over furniture, the whole nine yards. but i think hes scared
    This just hurts so much, I needed to get it out:(
  2. Ahh girl I know how you feel. Look a thread down, I'm hurting right now too. It is the worst when things just aren't going the way you want them to.

    I'm lost right now myself. I hope you feel better too :(
  3. wow this sounds exacltly like me and my ex's situation.....

  4. I know this doesn't help much, but if it is meant to happen, it will.
  5. He's right. The universe has a master plan, and we get hurt when we interfere with it for our own good.

    If it helps:

    My best friend and I dated for a long while. Friends our whole life, we became each other's better half and brought out the best in each of us. I left for bootcamp to make a better life for us. We both quit coke at the same time, and I found out she relapsed. I was granted a phone call home, and on my 3rd week of training on a wednesday, my father informed me she had OD'd and died from cocaine. 3 months pregnant with my child. I was unaware of that. And a week earlier I had bought the engagement ring.

    Sometimes we never realize what we had until it's truly gone. There was a reason for that "break" in October. I would suggest you two meet, and talk. Yet, the hardest thing to do is NOT let emotion shroud reason and truth.
  6. I know how you feel. I dated a girl for 4 years from 16-20 that I knew since I was 3 years old. She grew up around the block from me and we were friends ever since we were little. We decided to go on a break after I found out my family was moving a few hours away from hers, and that we would still see each other as much as possible and get back together and get a place together when I went to college closer to her place.

    Long story short I moved away, we grew apart, we barely even talk anymore. She got involved in another relationship, and it hurt like HELL for the longest time. Its a year later now, and I still think about it all the time, but I'm constantly reminding myself what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.... It could always be worse... things like this.

    The bottom line is that everything tends to work out as it should. If something is meant to be, it will happen. If not, it didn't work out, because theres something greater in store for you. Just keep your head up, and try and get through it as best you can.


  7. Damn man that really sucks. I'm at a loss for words that sucks so much.

    OP: hopefully you two can make it work out. It seems that you two are perfect for each other. And hopefully he can work out finding himself soon. Best of luck to you two.
  8. #8 Gein, Jan 30, 2009
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 30, 2009
    I'm glad I'm not the only one feeling this way right now. I'm on the guy's side though, I feel lost right now, trying to find a new direction for my life. Valentines would have been our 3 year anni. We were looking at houses in Oct-Nov. I can tell you that I got freaked out by that level of commitment and confused on what I really wanted from life. This girl has meant more to me than anything but I feel too young to start that phase of my life - house, wife, kids, -end life.

    It hurts but I think I made the right decision. I also realized that I hadn't been in enough relationships to be involved in something that big and demanding and ultimatley I just wasn't ready so I had to break it off. I would love to meet up with her a few years down the road. That would just be amazing. Right now though I'm not mature enough (in the relationship dept) to give her the relationship she is looking for. I'm not ready to commit like that.
  9. Im so sorry Spaz. I dont even know what to say to that. I couldn't even fathom loosing him at any cost. I'm really horrible about letting my emotions get in the way. We talk everyday still. It's akward, but I don't want to stop talking, but at the same time it hurts to do so.
  10. #10 barfdog17, Feb 9, 2009
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 9, 2009
    I can't even imagine what you went through. I would never be able to know that she was pregnant if that happened to me. I can't even imagine, but I feel for you, if it helps.

    SGsgirl, I just read through this thread, closed the tab it was in, and then realized that I needed to say something, anything.

    I really feel your situation. my girlfriend (maybe, i dunno, things are confusing) and I have been best friends for years now and dealing with some issues at the moment. I love her, body and soul, she makes me want to be everything a man should be for a woman. The only problem is she told me that she wishes that she could be everything for me, but right now isn't the time. I haven't talked to her in the past several days because she's been mad at me for some unknown reason (see: Will a woman please enlighten me?).

    He wants to be your everything. He wants to be a better man for you. The problem is that he doesn't think he can, or doesn't know how and thinks he needs to get his head in the right place instead of using his biggest inspiration to guide him and keep him happy at the same time he's isolating himself and slowly spiraling downward it seems. He wants to commit to you, but doesn't think he can walk the walk. I really hope I'm right on this one, and I think I'm close.

    Be very certain about your own mental state before you go on to what I'm about to say.

    It really is hard, I don't know your exact situation. If you tell him you love him for everything that he is, and everything that he wants to be, that you understand before you can make your life together that he has to fix what he needs to fix inside; that if he needs support from time to time, that you'll give him a shoulder to lean and cry on...I can't think of a better way to handle this situation. If the love is true, and the words as well, you will be able to wait and watching him become the person that you want to spend the rest of your life with will be even sweeter.

    Some guys get this big built up image of what it means to be a man, especially when on the verge of making big life decisions. They think they're supposed to be able to go at it alone and handle their own business. Everyone needs help from time to time. You seem like a wonderful person with a lot of love to give.

    You can do it.
  11. i'm in kind of the same situation,
    except we just started taking this "break" today.
    she told me this morning right before school started.
    i don't think i did a single thing in school all day.
  12. #12 eldude-arino, Feb 11, 2009
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 11, 2009
    I feel good about your situation. You two seem to have genuine love for one another... almost a Fiction type...

    I think your solution, for the time being, should lie in just what you said you were, and what he seems to need right now; a best friend. It's the one sure way to helping him through this. Be there to answer his calls, talk, sit in silence... whatever. Once he gets past this, your having been there will be all he needs to know you're the right one for him.

    Don't forget, though, everyone needs to grow. Your 20's are going to be the period of time that makes or breaks you two. This is also a time where you should be focusing on what you bring to the table. Whether it be school or work, see what you can do to better your situation and inevitably your future relationship.

  13. You are right on the dot, thank you for responding and not leaving my post. I read what you said often to help me through the day and remind myself of these things. I do my best to tell him those things. He tells me he knows but that I cant help him. I've told him that he is my everything and give him the space/shoulder/support that he seems to need. I'm scared hes going to go to someone else. I pray for him every night that he finds what he needs to be happy, whatever that may be. I can't be selfish on this. He needs to find himself and I need to be his rock. It's so hard sometimes because sometimes I want to tell him to just stop because I can't handle being friends, but losing him would be worse. I just have to keep telling myself that anything worth having is worth waiting for and believe that he will find himself and realize that im here to be his love no matter what life throws at him.
    I hope that you work things out with your girl. going through this sucks and I feel great sympathy for anyone who is going though this.
  14. I am really happy that I was able to say something helpful for you.

    I really understand where you're coming from though. There's another girl moving ridiculously close to me from Vegas and I think she's awesome and haven't seen her in years so I'm gonna be going through some confusion assuming things with the (pretty much ex) girlfriend don't improve. It's hard though, when you want some form of closure.
  15. just stay strong :) if you gotta cry, let it out. love is pleasure when its there, and pain when its missing.
  16. He's clearly still into you, if this break was serious or permanant, he'd be trying to push you away, if you can stay in touch, you'll get back together, and things will work out. right now it sounds like he needs to get some things straightened out, but until he "finds himself" all you can do is support him and keep in touch, in a situation like this, there's not really anything else you can do except be supportive, and optimistic for your future together.

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