I am a 43 year old woman. My husband and I have been married for 16 years and have a 15 year old daughter! I got a DUI recently because of my own irresponsible decision making, and have been labeled a drug addict by a drug and alcohol counselor, and have been ordered to go to 60 NA meetings. I've been to 9 already. It is all female group. It is on my work to home route.I am just stopping there on my way home from work. I am considered by most of other women NA group members to be very serious, arrogant, and stuck up.One woman group member has described me as a snob on about half a dozen occasions for the past 9 meetings . I still don't really know why. I know on one of those occasions it was because I turned down the offer to go to a coffee with her after the meeting. How not wanting to go somewhere makes me a snob, I don't know. Also this woman group member is always commenting on my clothing saying that i am always overdressed in satin and silk. Alot of people ( females in general) pre-dislike me, unto they get to know me and find out that I'm a not stuck on myself at all.I'm the kind of person that only speaks if I have something to say and I keep my business to myself. Also most of other women group members think that i am stuck up and arrogant upper middle class snob. I feel like these women don't really like me. they are all women in their 40s, 50s and 60s. The whole time I'm there I feel like I'm being disrespectful and rude because I didn't choose to be there. I'm trying to just respect the group and keep quiet. It's difficult to participate and say things that everyone else is such as "My name is... and I'm an addict" or "Thanks for letting me read" when in actuality I have no interest in the group. I'm not actively looking for help, although I have the utmost respect for people who realize there is a problem and are fixing it. Within my region this is the only all female NA group. It is on my work to home route.I am just stopping there on my way home from work. I don't want to go to mixed gender meetings because of my husband. He is extremely jealous. This woman who is in charge (chair person) to sign my paper "card" is nice and friendly with me. But she is extremely touchy feely. She is a 55 year old really short like 5 ft 3 pale face creepy green eyes thin lips light brown haired with Chin-Length haircut masculine woman. She started touching me on my first day there. On my first day she came up behind me while I was sitting and started rubbing my shoulders. She calls me big woman. She always says that i am such a big woman. She is always joking that, because she is always in flat shoes and i am always on high heels, standing next to me she looks like a midget. I am 5ft11 tall and that, coupled with being well built(i can carry a few extra pounds without looking tubby) and well endowed ( i have very large breasts), makes me feel like a giant beside her. . But this chairperson woman is extremely touchy feely. She grabs my hand when she talks to me. Many times, while explaining stuff to me, she pats my back a bit too long for my comfort. During the meetings she continuously circles the room. She walks from woman to woman, but she only stops by my chair and rubs my back at the bra line. This small pale woman chairperson takes every opportunity to rub my shoulders and upper arms. Often she bends down from behind me and has her face almost parallel to mine, almost as if she is hugging me from behind to give me a kiss or something. Her real motive, though, is to run her hand along my back . Often when she talks to me facing me(her face is exactly the level of my breasts) she puts her both hands on my collar bones and starts rubbing up and down my upper breasts while she is explaining NA stuff to me. This weird touchy feely woman chair person also stands VERY close to me when she talks to me, she puts her face very close to my breasts., and sometimes she pets my hair. It is very weird—she almost doesn’t seem aware that she is doing it. Often she stands right next to me while i am sitting, and suddenly she starts absent-mindedly stroking my hair like she is petting a cat. Often when we all are walking out of the room she touches my butt, as I walk in front of her. She also always places her hand on my butt when i stand beside her.She just touches my butt and leaves her arm there. Once in the hallway as I walked in front of her, she wrapped her arms around me from behind so her hands landed right on my breasts.. totally acting like she didn't just honk my boobs, talking that I am not showing the neccessary commitment. The other day she hugged me from behind when I was sitting down and stroked my breasts before moving to my shoulders. Is this woman sexually abusing me? She seems harmless to me because I am physically stronger than her i am 5ft11 tall well built well endowed and curvy.She is like 5ft3 tall skinny.I am always on high heels she is always in flat shoes.Standing next to me she looks like a midget. Usually when this short skinny woman chairperson who shouldn't be touching me try to...I just kinda... let her do the touching,rubbing and patting , but I basically just sit/stand pretty stiffly. I know she means well but I'm honestly the kind of person who jumps if you accidentally brush knees with me, so it's all a little weird for me. The biggest thing that is holding me back are worries of offending this woman chair person or getting rejected by the group or being looked at as a stuck up snob. "I mean its just a shoulder rub right, whats the harm in that", etc. The way I deal with it is just to give in and allow myself to be rubbed and touched by this woman. But all the touching has been getting creepy. Something about her and her need to touch me makes me very uncomfortable.Now I don't want her to feel badly - but I want this touching,rubbing and hugging behaviour to stop.What can I say to her, or what can I do so this'll stop?How do I tell her off without causing tension. How can I discourage this woman chairperson from touching me/getting in my personal space in a way that makes me uncomfortable without offending her? This touchy feely woman chair person thinks that i am on a well deserved probation. Also this woman chair person is respected and well liked in the NA community on a regional level. She does have power over me. She can muck things up for me with my probation officer. The pressure this woman chair person is putting on me is really starting to stress me. She says I am not showing the neccessary commitment. She is pressuring me to go to meetings every day. This is stressful for me. This woman chair person signs my attendance sheets. Also my probation officer calls her(chair person) to verify my attendance? I am too scared to be dishonest about the attendance though. The other day I complained to my caseworker probation officer about the situation with this woman chair person but she(my caseworker) got really mad and started yelling at me. Her exact words were "You arrogant snob. Are you feel there is inappropriate touching going on here? Or is this an opportunity to tell me how you feel uncomfortable "slumming" with women who aren't as sophisticated,rich, gorgeous and worldly as you? Ego and arrogance at its best. "My case worker probation officer is very condescending, aggressive and quite rude. She doesn't care what happens to me. She thinks that i deserve to go to jail. She says that i am stuck up, arrogant snob. r. As i said within my region this is the only all female NA group. It is on my work to home route.I am just stopping there on my way home from work. The only reason i attend meetings at all female NA group is my husband doesn't want me round other guys. Also i go on these NA meetings straight from work and i am always exhausted. My question is how is the best way I can let this touchy feely woman chair person know this, that its nothing personal, but I would prefer not to be hugged.
I read the majority of your post, that creepy woman is basically assaulting you and you could report it to the authority which has deemed you need these classes and hopefully have her replaced/removed or maybe send you to another female orientated group because you aren't comfortable plus you have to deal with the other people. I'm a man, but if i was in your shoes i would take action as even reading your post i can see that it's affecting you. Edit: Just saw then end where you got called a snob for reporting it, I don't know what steps to take with this but don't take shit from anyone. Try stand your ground at all times.
Thank you for your response. I know that many women have to deal with worse, and I should just "man up", but I am an extremely non-confrontational person, and I usually prefer to endure something uncomfortable than draw attention or displease the other person.I don't know her very well and don't want to push any sensitive buttons. Me being spineless is due to my intense fear of conflict with this short skinny old woman chairperson. I just automatically want to do everything possible to keep conflict down with her. This touchy feely woman chair person greeted me on my first meeting. Made sure I had her number and some other women's numbers.She suggested I volunteer to make coffee. Chair person woman is very polite and serious. She is well regarded and known in NA around here. Generally she is well liked by everyone in the meetings. Should I say something to her? I don't want to offend her. Maybe I should just continue to ignore it. How can I gracefully tell her to stop touching me? I could maybe add a little joke like "just looking, no touching!" Maybe I am overreacting? I am 100% straight. I've never had any desire to do anything sexual with a female. In all honest just thinking about possibly kissing a female makes me cringe. This may seem odd, but any type of physical contact with another person and especially with a stranger makes me extremely uncomfortable. At the same time, I am able to "fake it till you make it" and go along with this gesture out of a desire to not appear like a stuck up arrogant snob. And at the end of the day I know that a simple touch will not cause me any great harm. But it is still extremely uncomfortable for me, and I feel that I have to subject myself to unwanted physical contact by this woman chairperson. Most of other women NA members think i am stuck up arrogant and a bit of a snob. I'm a not stuck on myself at all.I'm the kind of person that only speaks if I have something to say and I keep my business to myself. I have been told that i look stuck up and arrogant.I have had the experience of women being jealous of me.I like satin and silk clothes and I wear them well.I should not have to suffer for what I like because other women have low self esteem and don't see the gifts they have within themselves.I have a more stylish sense of fashion. I never wear anything trashy, I keep myself well covered and strive for professionalism and class. I always like to dress on my best, because I also feel great when I am dressed pretty. Once, i'd been to the hairdressers and was off to do a little shopping afterwards and the girl at the salon asked where i was going looking so glamorous ? i said i was going shopping and she was like "really" You look so glammed up to be going shopping!" I don't mind though, i'd rather be wearing something i feel good in than look like i just rolled out of bed.I wear high heels every day too.All the time. I like dressing well, and looking presentable. Yes these women NA group members think I am arrogant or a snob but I do not have good people skills .Although I'd prefer that they think I'm arrogant to thinking that I'm afraid. I am uncomfortable in social settings and it takes me a while to feel comfortable around other people. I've been asked soooo many times 'why are you so serious' when I'm not feeling serious at that moment. I unintentionally tend to give off an unfriendly aura which has led people to ask if I dislike them. When I feel nervous I try to compensate by being really confident. I guess other people take that as me being arrogant. I've been told I come across as stuck up/snobby full of myself, narcissistic, stuck up etc., and also very unwelcoming to new people. Technically the second part is true as new people terrify me, but the first bit is very untrue.And the truth is, i just can't talk to everyone... not that i don't want to. I just need time to open myself to people. To relax and open up. I hate that I come off like that. When I do speak with people, I tend to be overly nice to compensate and I guess that comes off as fake which definitely doesn't help the situation. People around me (except for the ones who truly know me) have always said that I come across as snobby, stuck on myself, and unfriendly.. I have been told that I seem snobby and it is because I don't speak up in groups where I am not comfortable. I have had people ask me if I thought I was better than others. This explains why I am having such a difficult time with this situation with this touchy feely "friendly" woman chair person. I thought I was doing a good job at appearing pleasant and likable. Even when I talk to other women NA group members I try to watch my tone of voice and sound cheerful. Everyone always gets that first impression of me, and many keep that impression. The vast majority of people think I'm a "snob" or a upper middle class overdressed arrogant bitch I know since the friends I've had over the years told me that after some time. People simply assume I must be a snob because I'm quiet. That doesn't even seem logical to me, but when being quiet is something that simply wouldn't occur to most people perhaps that's the next most logical conclusion.
Sounds like you've got respect for yourself and boundries which they might find intimidating that's why they call you a snob. If your just doing your NA because you made a bad decision then I'd tell this touchy feely woman to respect your boundries as you have a husband and a child and if your husband knew she was being "Too friendly" (touchy etc) then there would be problems at home and since that could cause conflict you are dealing with anxiety now and you are having problems attending the group. I've never been in your situation so i don't know how to explain the answer, just confront her and say it's causing you issues. you've got like 50-60 sessions left right? IF you have no choice, tell her how it is.
Ok i made it threw a paragraph. Why do u care what other people think of u??? A Wise man taught me as a kid, to only worry about what I think about myself!! It's that simple! My while life those type of people tried to suppress me. I remember being in third grade and my teacher was scolding me for talking too much. I told her that God put some of us on this planet to talk and some of us on this planet to listen. You obviously were put here to listen LOL. Off to get a paddling Sent from my SM-N960U using Grasscity Forum mobile app
If your just collecting signatures to prove u were there get a sponsor and pay them to say u were there you’ll never have to go again. Pretty simple.
I didn't see where you were telling us how you told the lady to stop touching you. Some people don't do tactful, you have to tell them in words how you feel. Until you tell her to stop I don't see you have anything to complain about here, you're just venting and that's fine, it just won't address the problem. Complaining about the meetings will get you nowhere. You only have to attend the meetings, you don't have to say you have an addiction or confess all of your sins, you just have to be there and get the signature. You did the crime, you put yourself and others at risk by driving impaired and you got off lucky by not hurting anyone and not going to jail. Show your daughter your grown up side by not complaining about having to deal with the consequences of your actions. It could have been so much worse. Go to a different meeting, you can have your husband drop you off and pick you up since he doesn't trust you, and I bet why he doesn't trust you is another story.
Unwelcome touching is ASSULT plain and simple. Doesn't matter in the least who, what, where, or when. Tell her to back way the hell off. Whip out your phone and start taking her photo when she gets to close. Jump up the next time it happens and get LOUD . DO NOT TOUCH ME !!!!! Embarrass the woman every time she gets close to you. Find several more meetings and attend 3 or 4 per day and get that crap over and done with. I was hitting 4 per day as I remember. 1 before bkfst and the rest after work. Report every touch if you must. This is NOT acceptable behavior in this day and age. Men get unwelcome attention as well from both sexes. BNW
i have gone with several people to these meetings because they needed a ride. they didn't want to work the program but the program does work for those who are willing. anyways, there are meetings that know that there are people who don't want to be there, so they will sign your slip in the beginning of the meeting and then give them back to you so you can get up and walk out. that way the only people who are there at the meeting truly want to be there. i would find a different meeting and may i suggest a co-ed meeting because the dynamic in how the group relates to each other will be totally different and better.
you'll probably find a bunch of other women at the coed meeting who know who the touchy women is and are at the meeting to avoid her also. make some friends.
Thank you for your understanding. There's always guys flirting or asking me for my number. When I go out in public guys start talking to me and subtly try to ask me out. I mention I have a husband but some of them wont go away. I have trouble being mean so i cant get them to leave me alone. That is why I don't want to go to mixed gender meetings. I have read online that a lot of men go to NA to meet women. NA is full of predators and violent criminals. I don't wear anything vulgar but because of my body type anything i wear looks tight on me. Being tall and curvy draws attention on its own. This can be both positive and negative. I tower over plenty of men and women. I was sexualised from a very early age, and shamed for the way my body looks - something I have no control over. I can't help how wide my hips grow or how big my breasts get. My mother used to shame me for the way my body looked. If I wanted to wear a skirt or dress, she always discouraged it, she always thought my skirt was 'too short' or 'too tight', or there was something wrong with my dress-sense.
Yes she's is acting inappropriately. Why haven't you stated your objections about her behavior directly to her? Yes you are stuck on yourself. Over 1500 words about yourself and your problems, your clothing, your figure, etc... and a jealous husband (no one cares) tells us everything we really don't care to know.
I have read online that a lot of men in 12 step meetings actively prey upon freshly clean/sober women. Some men can only see women as resources and sex. We're not really people to them, not even, especially not, mothers.
You guys get trolled to easily. Account made today. Female. With profile picture. Immediately posting full novels about random nonsense and you guys all bite on the bait