So much of what I think need not be thought. What I mean by this is, thoughts takes me away from myself, where I am, who I am. It makes what is going on ‘out there’ seem real when it isn’t real, not really; it is just my thought about it. Bringing it back to myself, and letting go of what is happening ‘out there’, gives me a sense of myself that is different. Present. Now. As I am. Expecting nothing. Needing nothing. Not needing to be noticed. I often notice, as people interact with each other, say and do things, how they look around to see who is with them, who is watching and can be included. I like not being included. The feeling of standing on the side, doing my own thing, where I do not need anyone to acknowledge me, or notice me, and where in return, I don't need to notice them, don't need to be aware of them, as if they are not real, while allowing them to be, completely, as they are, is very liberating. Hood up, sun-glasses on, earbuds in, and each step, each moment, is mine. That what comes next only comes next when it comes next, and until it does, there is no need to look for it, wonder what it might be, or prepare for it. I walk with my eyes down, in my own world, enjoying the moment, looking within, seeing myself, as I am, without deciding anything about this other than to be doing it. There are no rules when there is no mind creating them I am very aware of others, without wanting their story, their detail, to become part of my life. Alone is not lonely. Alone can be wonderful. Alone is who I am. Sometimes. Lol.
Not exactly. I tend to avoid superficial. It's more that I prefer to observe rather than interact. I see things going on I don't always mention, and that makes me separate, on the periphery, which is where I'm used to being, and in many ways most comfortable.
I’m comfortable with myself, most people are dishonest and out for themselves and so I prefer to be alone most of the time with the exception of my wife and kids. I always tell them that if it weren’t for them I would prefer to be and would like to be a hermit. I don’t usually worry about letting myself down - but most other people seem to always let me down so as I was discussing with my older daughter the other day, as friends over the years have either gone their own way; moved or died, I simply haven’t replaced them - nor do I want to anymore. I interact with plenty of people at work which is way more than sufficient to fill my Daily Interaction Quota - weekends and/or after work I’m so cool not talking to anyone. If I don’t put myself in a situation to make new friends then they can’t fuck me over right? Win/win for everyone. I like hanging with my wife or younger daughter these days (older 2 have either moved away, made their own lives or are busy at work themselves) when I have the free time around the house and property. My wife and I like going down into one of the lower pastures in the nice weather on a Saturday or Sunday late morning or early afternoon and just sitting there in the shade from one of the trees on the grass. The horse will follow us down there and quietly graze nearby and my German Shepard will always always always be with me and lay by my side in the grass. This kind of stuff makes me happy - content. Every once in awhile I’ll follow one of the streams that cuts through the beech woods on the property and just watch nature - animals and growing things while Max (my Shepard) walks with me or chases a squirrel nearby - sometimes I’ll go dig a bucket of pottery clay from the brook that separates ours and my neighbors property and make a few awful mugs. Sometimes I’ll bring a book and sit in the leaves in the Maine woods - This is all on the very rare occasions when I even have the time to do so, tho lol I don’t need and I don’t want people. The scariest but very best thing I ever did was to pack up my wife, 3 daughters and U-Haul of broken furniture and move into the woods on a dead end road. There is an incredible amount to be said for peace and quiet. Jerry the Hermit
I've been alone most of my time now and enjoyed it. Even when I was a little kid nothing felt better than isolation. I never wanted to participate in anything. I pretty much just do things to get annoying assholes off my case and make money to live. I don't even care about money necessarily I just care about it enough to live. I also hate society as a whole and feel as though I was forced into something I didn't care for. As if nothing is allowed to go my way because I hate the way I'm forced to live in the rat race. So in turn I have to bottle up my thoughts of wanting harm or rid this spec of corruption because I know acting on my own corruption would make me a no good or better hypocrite. So I look down and listen to death metal and take fat dabs to make it all worthwhile.
As an old 'commie' I have never been alone ... alone..'ness never exisited now its gone many new and old are very alone now 'we' are expected to stand on our own feet be alone I never expected that..so 'we' make an extra effort to be concerned with others issues and join even more 'clubs' ...lol cheers/
alone is really who you are you might be someone that is highly neurotic - paying more attention to negative outcomes could have helped certain early humans survive over others this results in anxiety and such... you could be very nice to everyone in the outside world, but at home you are a different person, someone that gets angry and such.. thats you, but youre also society you.. you dont react in anger or bash the other persons head because they make you mad, at least most dont.. we cant always express ourselves completely the way we want, we may want to hit something when we are angry but will restrain ourselves in view of others, but in private act upon the anger and scream/yell.. sometimes you can forget who you are, I dont know myself sometimes so it seems to always be a process until you get there..
I only need to interact with a few ppl every once in awhile. Most ppl don’t like me but I’m ok with that I don’t feel that I need anyone outside my circle.
A lot of good insightful points the average bear wouldn't understand as they are totally lost in "out there"... To paraphrase a guy i like to listen to on Youtube (and posted a link to moments ago in this forum topic)... "What you focus on you strengthen or magnify." We are programmed from the time the umbilical cord is cut and learn to manipulate and think our way through life as the mind and thought are given so much importance when it comes to success obtaining things, status, respect, etc.. Unlike Eastern thought we ignore the inner always focused on the outer and future over "here / now"... Perhaps we see ourselves as "becomings" rather than human BEINGS? Sitting in silence now and then can be beneficial in discovering our vast unbounded awareness but it can also be developed by being "present" focused on here and now moment by moment regardless of what we are involved in... Even tying a shoe or pouring a cup of coffee... instead of "lost in thought" which is escape from the present moment or the Bliss of Being.. Non-Duality teachings say there is only "one of us" so on that basis we are never alone i suppose one could argue... ACIM states there are no private thoughts which explains a lot... If we are in harmony with nature and those around us there is no reason to guard our thoughts as they would be totally life supporting and non threatening... except for perhaps narcissists who are threatened by anyone and everything they feel inferior to... So i've been told. ;o)
I hope you don't always feel that way OP. It's in our nature to be social. We rely on one another. Being alone sometimes is necessary for our well being depending on the situation and how we cope with them, but that should only be temporary.
Just got back from a great dinner with some new friends and I was who I am even though I am also who I am when I'm alone.
Might be a bit of anxiety and such, but a damn good experience hanging out with new people right? Social anxiety is a huge issue of mine, but meeting new friends and being accepted for who I am always outweighs the anxiety.