infamous girlfriend not sexual enuf conundrum

Discussion in 'Sex, Love & Relationships' started by 513, May 24, 2010.

  1. story:
    So I dated this girl a while ago for 6 months. Our relationship was very limited sexually. She was 16 and I 17. I had been with girls before, but I was intimidated by her for god knows what reason. She had 0 experience. Well we never went past 2nd and eventually broke up (not because sexuality). Anywho, we got back together 3 months ago and i come to find out she had given a kid head a few times. We dated for 6 months and i didnt get that. She said it was because she was lonely and lost and the guy was only trying to get some. So she eventually opens up to me like that after i tell her well now youre in a good relationship and you care for me more so thats more of a reason to do it with me. So now weve been dating for 3 months again and im crazy about her. She is my best friend besides my girlfriend and i plan to spend a long time with her. Im a virgin and she is too. I feel ready and for all of the right reasons. Im really respectful of her and dont wanna pressure her, but the other kid did and got her to actually do more. I know sex is different but i want to atleast work towards it.

    Any blades got any advice? honestly any from similar situations and what you did, anything!
  2. Sound like you're going about it the right way with keeping the communication going. Perhaps you could sit down with her and talk about how you feel your relationship is ready for the next step, or perhaps just show her the next time you're with her. Don't you ever get into situations where it gets a bit heated between you two when you're making out or anything? It almost sounds like you're so polite that they never escalate to that level.

    Guess what I'm trying to say is keep the communication going, but let things just kind of happen naturally too.

    One bit of advice here. DO NOT ever throw her sexual history back in her face as a reason you "deserve" it. That will likely get you nowhere but at home alone, jerking off.

    Good luck.
  3. haha im to logical with the deserving shit but i rested that case awhile ago.

    I had another girlfriend when we broke up and she was more adventurous sexually.

    The gf now is new to it all. I try to be guiding but she isnt down sometimes idk.
    and what do you mean im too polite? in what regards, how do i be more rude haha..
  4. Instead of trying to convince her...
    Just try getting her horny. Even though she's a virgin, she still gets horny like you do. Not too much else to it... It's obvious the other kid got her at least a little hot and sweaty.
  5. Ugh, I don't know how you manage this. I was in this situation with a girl like this once, virgin of course, completely inexperienced. I would never consider saying to her 'yeah let's move onto the next level, I heard you sucked someone elses dick, do me', or 'let's have sex'.
    You just wait for the right moment and progress from there. When things are heating up just touch her, take her clothes of and let things fly.
  6. i know how to get her horny. and i didnt proposition her like that for sex. i know i fucked up with that approach before and wanna do this right. She just doesnt seem as into it as me sexually. Ive been with plenty of girls and id consider myself experienced. Ive chosen not to have sex before because even though this girls come and gone outta my life i always knew its her it should be with.
    Yesterday for example, leaving her house she made our goodbye kiss into a makeout and then when i tried touching her she pulls away and tells me i g2g.
    I wanna spice things up without being forceful, but she is unexperienced
  7. What you did wrong there is you tried to make things happen while you were leaving. You weren't going to go back inside and get jiggy, you told her you had to leave and she didn't want to inconvenience you and is the worst possible time you could've tried to make things happen, seriously, I don't see how you didn't work this out yourself, since you say you're experienced. She's inexperienced and not willing to rush. She wants to wait and you're going to have to, too.
  8. What I meant by too polite was you not initiating more with action during makeout sessions and such, but from the sounds of it, it's more her not quite being ready with you. It does sound odd, but if this is truly what you want, and what she wants, it may take some time. If you find a chance next time, talk with her about why she feels uncomfortable with you. Perhaps her previous sexual experiences, no matter how limited, were not fond memories for her. This could be affecting things too.

    I commend you for your honesty here, and your dedication. That is rarer than you think these days. I know plenty of guys who wouldn't even stick around for 6 days without sex, much less 6 months.

    Good luck with it.
  9. alright bro you just need to get her to hot and bothered to NOT have sex with you! I mean it really isn't THAT hard!.. You just need to know what get's her goin and set's her off... For example, next time you 2 are laying down together, roll ontop of her, hold her face in your hands and caress her cheeks while you kiss her 'passionately'... Keep kissing her because she's gonna want it, and once you get a hard on just rub your cock on her very subtly against her vag with you clothes on... This will tell you if she's ready or not, if she is, that girl is gonna get all weak and shakey and melt when you jam your massive cock up against her vag!.. I can make my girl come with all our clothes on and zippers up! You just have to learn what get's her goin!.. Lick her neck really soft with just the tip of your tounge, start to spell out the ABC's or something, and then start to PUSH HARD with your tounge for a moment, then get soft again. Drives em crazy every time!
  10. There are so many variables that factor into a girl making the choice to lose her virginity. Especially if she managed to hang on to it so far.

    First - She's been told her whole life that premarital sex is bad and she's been conditioned to think that she'll be a slut if she gives it up. She's also been conditioned to think that the first time should be special and magical and with someone she really loves.

    Second- If she has had any negative experience from molestation or rape to even peer pressure, there is a good chance that she's more afraid than a girl those things hasn't happened to.

    Third- there is a chance that you just aren't the one.

    My advice would be to (well i think you're too young for having sex but I guess I'm just old lol)...anyway... first just talk about it with her. Be honest; start with something like... 'I really love you and I'd like to start talking about the progression of our relationship.' Tell her you'd really like to have sex and ask her if she's thought about it. Let her answer, and actually listen to her answers.

    If she says I'm just not ready yet... you can ask, when you're ready do you want it to be me? But if she says no you are going to have to end things so you better be able to handle the truth if you ask these kinds of questions.

    If she tells you yeah she wants it to be you, then you can start figuring out what her ideal first time would be and start working toward giving it to her. IE if she says 'i want there to be music and flowers'....well start having some of those things around so she can see that you are listening and want to give her what she wants.

    Lastly, for a lot of women sex just can't be fulfilling unless there is something more. That something more can be a lot of things like romance or love, but imho it all comes down to trust. If you're being pushy you just might be pushing her away, or you'll pressure her in to doing something she doesn't really want to do, and then she'll just resent you later.

    Anyway I guess I'd sum up my advice by saying, you can probably get her to give you a BJ by making her feel guilty but if you earn that BJ by making her want to give it to you, it will put you a lot farther down the path on pleasing women, which will mean more and better sex all through your life.

    Good Luck :)
  11. THIS! NOTHING that's been said is more important that this right here! You need to MAKE HER WANT TO GIVE YOU A BJ!

  12. #12 Zeddy, May 24, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: May 24, 2010
    Seriously don't talk to her about the guy she sucked off. If she's saying she was lost and lonely at that time her life she probably feels like shit every time she's reminded of it, and it probably left her a really negative association with blowjobs. The cure is actually to do some on a guy she likes when she's happy, but she wouldn't know that yet.

    Being less polite could help. As I'm sure you know, you have to stop when she says stop but you can see what you can get away with up to that point. You might be surprised how far a girl is willing to go when she's aroused and doesn't have time to think of reasons not to. She needs to be sober though or you would be flirting with taking advantage of her. If you're making out with her and you put your hand inside her pants, would she take it out? How about giving her oral? Some unexperienced girls think it's icky, but if her issue has more to do with not wanting to relinquish power in the relationship than that might be an option. Would she be more open to the idea of a bj if you wore a condom?

    If she was feeling lost and lonely, sucking off some guy she didn't care about, and doesn't want to do it again- chances are she didn't enjoy doing it too much. It probably has less to do with how she thinks of you and more to do with feeling used or unready. She probably knows by this point that you aren't trying to use her so now she might just be waiting for some sign that she's ready now (which might as well be your hand in her pants.) As long as you trust that you are a good guy, who can stop and can sense when he has to, you really don't have to worry too much about her. When a girl wants to stop, she will say it (no trying to convince her of otherwise! And that isn't just for OP but for anyone else trying to get something out of this post.)

    In summation: the important thing is you don't talk about that guy anymore. You're just reminding her of how much she hates sex everytime you do and you aren't doing yourself any favours. And there is a happy medium between PG13 and porn that you need to play for a bit while she gets more comfortable.
  13. Just be in the relationship for the sake of being with her.

    Everything else will unfold from there.

    Who knows, maybe in a couple of months she'll be begging you to pee in her butt or some shit.
  14. ha ha ive eaten her out and fingered her she jsut doesnt wanna go farther, and she has given me head a few times and it was only once because of guilt. thank you sirs all your help is apprieciated.

    Other guy friends said work more on getting clothes off because it builds her comfortability.

    and i understood about me leaving, but if i said i wanted to stick around to do it then i guess it was lack of communication.

    i fucking love this girl i just wanna do it all right and not have to pressure herew
  15. You're a virgin too. You've waited this long, I don't know why you're so desperate now. You can wait some more until the time is right, stop trying to make it happen, the moment you stop trying to make it happen is the moment it will.

    Enjoy the wait.
  16. I personally have come to the conclusion that teenage girls are almost always not worth the effort. Too much drama, too much bullshit.
  17. Yo, take it from a guy who spent two months in a sexless relationship. It's best if you let her come to it on her own terms. I'm not blade, but I have been a guy in one of those "she's a virgin" type deals. So, let her know you interested in sex with her while at the same time assuring her that you're only willing to do it if she's completely willing to do it...otherwise, your just forcing her in to it.

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