I've always thought I was the guy who meant the things he said. The guy who actually cared for the women he said he did. I've come to realize that the things I say and the things I do are just to get what I want and whatever else happens, happens. I always looked down on guys like this, and now I realized that's me. I tried to change, but every time I think I'm changing I discover I'm only doing the same thing again. I always used to think that the things I said and the things I did were for them, but they weren't. In the end it was really all about myself and I'm disgusted. I can't smoke weed for who knows how long, I don't know what I'm going to do to change the way I treat women but it needs to happen. There really isn't a reason for this post but I'm just trying to get some things out or whatever.