Hey all, I need some outside advice on a family situation. All comments are welcome, and thanks for reading. Here's the story: I'm 28 and I run my own business. I work really hard, 6-7 days a week. My dad is a financial mess and always has been. My grandma died and left him money in a trust fund that pays all his bills for him and then gives him a big allowance on top of that. He does not work, and always runs out of money between checks. Every time this happens, it's a crisis. He pawns anything he can, and lately, he's started hitting me up to borrow money. Today when he called to ask for some, I was in the middle of a 14 hour workday. I got pissed and told him no. I feel like I made the right choice, but I'm just wondering if anyone else has a parent like this and how they deal with it. I feel like he's my kid, not the other way around. Help! PS- sorry if this is off topic or misplaced. Mods, feel free to move. Thanks for help GC!
Hey man, I think you did the right thing. Everyone likes to help their parents/family/friends out if they can, if they are in a jam, or if they are just in low place in their life. But helping some one out, and having them depend on you and use you are two different things. It sounds like your Dad has no concept of money because he's never had to worry about money. it's not your responsibility to help him out from being irresponsible
Thanks. I feel like sort of a jerk cause I have the money and I wouldn't hurt me to lend it to him, I just think he should try harder to help himself before he asks for help from others. BTW, I'm loading a fat bowl of DC kush. That might help with the stress... lol.
ok so what you "should" do is: tell your dad your taking his car away (im serious) until he seriously wants to do something his finances. find someone to run your business for a day once he agrees on financial help. contact the family accountant, find one if you dont have one. have a meeting with them and your dad the day he gets his next check. let him know he cant cash it til the meeting is over. in the meeting he should explain what he's spending his money on, and what bills he has each month.. the accountant will hash out a plan to control the spending, so it is spread throughout the month. let your dad deposit his check, or sign it over to the accountant. but either way dont let him cash it. let him start driving again if he's following the rules. if your already being his dad, you should stick with it. but he'll eventually be able to help himself once you get an accountant. good luck man. sounds like your working hard
did this man raise you ? did he show u love and support when u were little ? did he take care of you when u were depended on him ? didn't he give u life and make it possible for u to own your own business ? IMO I think you forgot where u came from and what he's done for you. so what he's not the best with money... who are you to judge him ? loan him the money if he don't pay it back then you can say no the next time he asks. if he does re-pay it then you should loan him money instead of making him pawn his belongings. you can charge a little intrest too,nothing wrong with that. might even make him feel better about having to ask you too. don't know what ur thinking here ? this is my opinion ...u asked for it.
I see your point, but his father is no longer a child, he shouldn't need to be supported by his son. Reading between the lines of the OP, it doesn't sound like it's the first time he's asked to borrow money, and someone who resorts to pawning belongings rather than controlling their spending doesn't exactly sound like a trustworthy loan recipient to me. What HarryHash said sounds like good advice to me. Maybe some professional advice would make him start to see sense and get back on his feet financially.
Thanks for the opinions. Just a couple things to add. 1. I'm a girl. 2. My dad has done a lot for me. I know he helped me to get where I am, and I would never let him go hungry or homeless. At this time, though, he owns his home and has 2 nice cars. I rent and am saving for a down payment and a wedding. 3. The reason I object to giving him money is because he already gets $2000 a month from the bank (after his bills are paid), and just blows it all. I don't want him to pawn his stuff, I want him to look for a job, or learn to live within his allowance. 4. He wanted to borrow the money so he could go to the movies this weekend.
Apologies. Your species is a minority on this site. It's often safe to presume a poster is a bloke. Had I read your signature I would have guessed. Don't feel bad. Your OP and this post tells me that you aren't refusing out of spite, but that you want to do the right thing. You can keep lending him money for the rest of his life, or you can help him get back on his feet and not need to rely on other people. It doesn't sound like he's in a situation where it's necessary to be borrowing money from anyone. It sounds like it's his attitude, rather than his circumstances, that is the problem. He needs to get his priorities in order. Asking to borrowing money for food would be one thing, but having the cheek to ask to borrow money to go the cinema is just out of line.
Come on cupcake, what the hell ? you wouldn't give your own father $25 bucks to see a movie ? I'm not very good with money myself and I will admit in my younger years I hit the pawn shop a few times myself. I make good money now and still can't seem to get ahead. But ill tell you any one of my kids would loan me their last dollar. ok ? so you need to get your head out of you butt and look out for your dad. IMHO
Booboo, I'm interested in what you're saying. If I just wanted people to agree with me, I wouldn't have asked for advice. I just want to make sure I've got it right. You're saying I should always give him as much as he needs, for any reason, regardless of his huge trust fund and the fact that he refuses to get a job? If one of your kids was like this, would you keep giving them money every time they asked? JayF, thanks for your comments. I feel like you've got a pretty accurate view of the situation.
Giving him money is a horrible idea. Gives him no incentive to change. Of course you will feel some guilt but don't let it change your mind.
cupcake you know that's not what I'm saying. your dad is not going to drag you down he just runs alittle short from time to time. i'm going to ask you this then you're on your own.... Would he do it for you ?
You did the right thing. He has plenty of money, come on 2k a month to do whatever with after bills are paid and he still cant handle that. He needs to learn how to handle it himself. Giving him more money will just make it worse and he will never learn, he will drag you into debt.
at the age he is with the financial situation he is in if he cannot live within his means that is his problem. 2000 spending money on top of having everything paid for is more than enough. If he wants more money he should be looking for a job or something else. he would probably benefit from someone teaching him how to make a budget of some sort. IDK if you want to answer this or what the situation is but are there any substances involved ? i feel like that is one of the big things that causes people to blow through their money, pawn stuff, and feel the need to ask others for money when they already are making money. On another note i think that what you did was the right thing. i ve had family members that were in similar situations (althoguh they had addiction problems). my uncle had his house paid for and then someone who got his disability check (the disability was somewhat a sham he wasnt really disabled just using the system because he was an alchoholic) was in charge of paying his bills and he got what was left over and he would blow through money and ask for more. You should probably looki nto what his money is going towards. I know my uncle spent pretty much all of it on vodka, it was literally the last purchase that he ever made.
mabey he should use his 2k to buy a computer and download movies like the rest of the world. asking money from your kid for a fucking movie? come on what grown ass man does that.if it was for food or gas money to go to work i would understand. your dad needs to grow the fuck up and get his shit together.also i would live like a fat ass stoned king with 2000 a month for free.
yah i know right i live of soo much lesss than that but those are the woes of being a college student
yea. ill admit i still turn to my parents for food every now and then but im still in highschool and rent and gas,and shit like food is too expensive. i work full time and dont get 2k a month for free. op's dad is a whiney bitch
whats up with the "cupcake" shit. You said it twice to her, have some respect and dont be such a misogynist
Is your dad compulsive or having some mental Health issues? If he has a spending issue, perhaps he could break down the monthly stipend to weekly envelopes. A 4 week month would be 4 envelopes with $500 each a 5 week = $400 each. May even need to break it down daily???