I never had a father growing like many others. My father left my mother when she was pregnant with me. I mean what a pick of the litter, that guy was a real Prince. Even though I had friends growing up who didn't have a father much around. At least their father would come on weekends or their birthdays. My dad never did. I don't even like calling him that. I call him by his real name when I talk about him with people in real life. That's how little that man means to me. Because that's how little he thought of me. I have never visited his family because I never put thought into doing it until something changes my mind I doubt I will. But they have never put the effort into visiting me as well I had men growing up to look as role models for boys. But they were all douche bags or dysfunctional. I taught myself on how to be a man from my environment. Because of this my mother and I have always been close. I love my Mom. She had me late in life and she is elderly now. I'm still young and have had a hard time settling roots as for relationships from women. Most probably because the area in which I live.. Well lets just say it's hard to find a lady here. I just wished I had a father growing up. Perhaps my life wouldn't have been so hard. Thoughts?
If your father was in paradise falls I am sorry for shooting him. Joke aside I grew up without a mother and am fine you can do the same. don't blame your problems on a guy you never met
I don't blame my problems on him. I blame him for not being there so I wouldn't have had to run into those problems. Growing up and to this day I still believe in what I witnessed as a child and that is children who had a father there for the most part was sheltered from the viciousness the world can become.
Take this experience and use it to be the best damn father this world has ever seen!! I know you’re young and having trouble meeting women, but when it finally happens, be that awesome dad!!! I became a father at 17 and my now wife was 15. I was supposed to run and she even tried to force me away because she was scared and expected me too run anyway. That boy graduated high school this year and continues to make me proud. Your original post brought tears to my eyes. Nobody should have to grow up without a parent. I hope things turn around for you buddy. If you ever need an ear, drip me a line
Yeah but these weren't teenagers. My mom was pretty naive in her thirties. She lived a sheltered life in a small town. She met my father in a big city. The guy didn't even tell my mom he had a ex-wife with a couple kids living in another state when he was dating my mom. I kind of understand about the teenager thing, young and dumb you mentioned in your post and if it was like that I would have more understanding but this wasn't the case. This was malicious.
The problem is that you have men on a pedestal OP, and I can tell you this because of one word you use to describe the other men in your life, that being "Dysfunctional". Because you did not have a man around you consistently, you never got to see men make mistakes, but rather just be... Evil. You must understand that men are not evil and are not perfect, we all make mistakes, but not all of us men deal with the consequences of those mistakes and now, the time has come for you to be a man. When being a man, you have to understand that you are responsible for you; yes, your dad may not have been around, but that does not mean that you are somehow flawed because of it, but rather, you are choosing to be flawed, because as human beings, we tend to disassociate with our problems and push them onto other people and that is exactly what you are doing with your dad. You feel justified to blame your dad for not being there and your mom probably supports that justification, because his lack of a presence means that she could not provide for you in a way that she could of otherwise and she probably has a lot of guilt about that and her way of rationalizing that guilt is saying "That fucking prick is the reason," and he is the reason for her guilt, but he is not the reason you feel flawed. I hate to be this guy man, but in order to deal with these feelings, you are going to have to separate from your mom to some degree, because she does not understand that her rationalizing her own guilt is negatively impacting you. My dad was in my life, my mom was in my life and neither of them are accountable for my success; I am accountable for my success and you are as well! However, with the creation of this thread, it is evident that you are choosing to not be accountable, but rather to be spiteful, to say, "I will sabotage myself to prove to my dad that he was wrong and he should of been here," that is where you are headed with this line of thinking. Go join a martial art man; you can connect with other men there who WILL BE DYSFUNCTIONAL BECAUSE ALL MEN ARE DYSFUNCTIONAL TO SOME EXTENT, but these men will have something to offer you and you will have something to offer them; disconnect from your mom, not fully, but a bit and use that disconnection to find an outlet for yourself. Good luck man.
My dad left when I was 5. I have seen him a dozen or so times in the last 42 years. It took a while but I finally realized i was better off with out him. If he would have been there I would have ended up the same kind of fucktard that he is. I was actually saved from a shitty life filled with shitty people because he is such a fucking loser!! You'll get to that understanding too. Give it time.
Your situation is regrettable but it does no good wishing for something you won't have. Count your blessings for what you do have. You probably have much more than you think. A great mother, health, friends, intelligence, freedom, food, home, opportunity, etc..... are all things to be grateful for. For some reason your situation reminds me of the Johnny Cash song "A Boy Named Sue"
dad left when I was 4 and my mom worked all the time so i feel ya when you say you wish you had a father figure around growing up. I wished I had anyone around, I was always just left alone. I think that the feeling of not being wanted or "abandoned" caused me alot of social anxiety growing up and is the reason why I am the lone wolf I am today. I have plenty of friends, am actively dating, but still really enjoy my alone time because I was so used to it at a young age. In fact I spent a few years after a serious relationship just being antisocial and angry at the world but like Jason said, at the end of the day it comes down to personal accountability. Until you can hold yourself accountable, it will always be easier to be angry at someone else, trust me bro!! The real satisfaction comes when you dont let your past dictate your future in a negative way. Its easier to continue the vicious cycle, its hard to man up and do what it takes to make and BE the difference! Chin up brochacho!
I can relate ..over 10 years ago I went around the world visiting all my 'kids' 4 of them bottom line: it didn't do any good at all it opened old wounds that the moms wanted either more time or cash outta me ..lol the kids were indifferent and had the associated issues with single mom hood besides with 2 of 'em I no longer speak their language, the moms were one night stands hoping for better My advise is to move on and not blame anyone it just happens, and the kids are happy good luck
I am like you never met my Biological father and was raised by a single mom till I was 13 and My MOM raised me to respect women and be a good person. Life is hard and not always fair and I am guessing you were better off without him since he abandoned your mom and you. JMHO Peace