I wanna hear some funny/insane stoner stories....

Discussion in 'Real Life Stories' started by xSulli, Sep 10, 2011.

  1. Every stoner and their friends, or even by themselves, have had some really good times puffing. I have my fair share of stories getting blitted with my friends and having some funny stuff happen and video taping it for the memories. Such as going to fast food places (taco bell, mcdonald's, wendy's, checkers, chinese food places, and more), to other friends' house, to amusement parks, to the movies, or even just hanging out in the woods. I want to hear some stories!:smoke:
  2. Back in 10th grade, (or 11th i dunno) me and a bud were smoking at a daycare after hours, they have a couch sitting inside so we climbed the fence and went in.

    We blaze for a good 25 minutes, and then shit got real when a cop pulled right infront of the building, I was too stoned to even notice but my buddy did and he ran off into the darkness.

    Cop diden't do shit, asked if I was smoking doobies and shit and I said "yes officer i have been" then some bullshit about drunken natives they were looking for, and left.

    TLDR: I dunno man im baked.
  3. use the search function.
  4. Well it was a Friday, I was a freshman. Me, and my two other friends(Vincent) and (Anthony) all got some money so we could buy some marijuana. Well we go to this dudes house who has about three other people that live with him, we smoke one joint, and 3 blunts. Well Vincent's mom had texted him telling him "come home" it was about 10:30 so we took a few hits out my pipe, then we left. So when we got to Vincent house we went through his garage. Well Anthony & I made it successfuly to Vincents room, Vincent was getting yelled at by his dad. Well Vincent eventually came back to his room, and was like Trevor(my name) roll up a joint, so I was like alright. Then I told him "bro where are the papers?" So Anthony & Vincent snuckout to get the papers which they left at that guys house. So I'm in Vincents room just chillin alone. Then his dad is like "Vinnie?" "Vincent?!!?" then he knocks on the door asking where their at, so I told him, "they went down the street to get Vincents phone cause he dropped it. " well I text Anthony telling him "dude Vincents dad is looking for y'all" well Vincent is a dumbass, he had a bag of adderal, my pipe, and an oz of mids. Well he hides the bag near his street. Well they come through the window, and Vincents mom is pissed for them sneaking out. Well I just went home with Anthony. Which Anthony got kicked out of his house that day, and his mom was in Dallas. So we were fucked. So we end up walking about 10 miles all together the whole night. We try to sleep at this one school in the portables but it was too sketchy. So we walk pretty far too this park, and try to sleep on the slides, well Anthony fell asleep, I was too sketched out. Well this cop flashes his sirens, Anthony wakes up and we haul ass through the back neighborhoods, well the cop lost us so we were straight, so Anthony and I decide to go to those peoples house that we smoked at earlier to spend the night. Well they were all asleep and we didn't want to wake them up. Well we walk to this other school and spend the night at the playground, we wake up at like 5 o'clock go back to sleep, go to Vincent's house at 6 in the morning to go see if his parents are home which they were. So we walk to McDonald's which is pretty far, and sleep there til 9 then walked to Jack in the box so my dad could pick us up,(11am) drop Anthony off, I go to my room, and sleep for the rest of the day. Well yeah there's my story when I was a baby stoner.
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  5. eat a dick
    • Like Like x 2
  6. good one, dude. extraordinarily original.

  7. cheers bro i'm known for that

  8. i like your stoned oddish avatar, though.
  9. tldr..........
  10. every stoner has some great fast food stories :D

    i once went to dunkin donuts/baskin robins through the drive-thru and every time i went to talk my friend kept interrupting me with some ridiculously funny obnoxious thing and i just start laughing uncontrollably and cant stop. then the lady at the drive-thru started straight up YELLING at me. "WHAT DO YOU WANT. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU KIDS! BLAH BLAH BLAH !!!!" for no reason what so ever. then we get to the window and were quiet as fuck and this nice young attractive spanish girl comes to the window and we see this pissed off older lady in the background like cussing under her breath glaring at us. the young girl apologizes and gave us some free food to boot so it all worked out i guess :D

    then another time it was when i first started smoking and me and my friend show up at mcdonalds stoned as fuck and i order a large milkshake, chicken selects and a cheeseburger. then shes like "okay that will be $7.00 (or whatever) and im like "okayyyy" and reach into my wallet and i go to my friend "FUUUCCK DUDE...I FORGOT I SPENT ALL THE MONEY EARLIER (on the weed obviously)" and the lady was like "its okay dont worry about it" and just gives me all that food for free it was awesome :D.

    then this time me and this kid drove like an hour to the nearest popeyes and he was like "what do you want" and my friend was like "i dunno man were from out of town and never been here before just give us what youre known for...err the 8 piece" and he was like "you want the 9 piece, it cost less than the 8 piece." so were like "lol whatever, thats fucking weird." we drive up to the next window and we see this guy whos literally like 400 pounds and i started making jokes "hahaha this must be his dream job or something." and then we get our food and go park up and open the box and theres FIFTEEN pieces of fried chicken...popeyes chicken is fucking awesome!
  11. Back in my hoodlum days, we once arranged the some bagels billboard sign to read 99 cent dicks.
  12. My second time getting blazed we were at a McDonald's. As soon as we enter, a mate and I stumble up to the counter. If you all remember your first few times then you remember how fucked you got back then. So I'm hanging onto the register for dear life trying not to slump onto the ground out of blazedness. I look at the girl at the register and (apparently, since I really don't remember and this is based on friend's accounts) slur:

    "One Big Mac... Two Big Mac... *points at friend with a big smile* This guy right here!"

    Apparently she just looked at us confused. Don't remember what happened in between then and the next 10 minutes but we somehow got our food.
    • Funny Funny x 2
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  13. ^^^ lmao. Thank u.
    one of my favorite times was when I was snowboarding with my best friend and we had just smoked two bowls of purple dank with a fat layer of keif. On the next chairlift ride I was like "oh those r some dope pipe gloves" and he was like "wtf these r snowboarding gloves, not plumber gloves" and he didnt get it until about 5 minutes of explanation
  14. Once I went into mcdonalds high and he was likes "Thanks Johnny" (apparently he calls everybody johnny) and im like "hey thats my name howd you know!" and then when i was leaving hes like "Here you go Johnny, stay in school dont do drugs...see i know that too." lol'd
  15. TLDR? Why bother posting telling people you didn't read it? Nobody cares.

    Anyway, this happened to me years ago, and I wrote it down afterwards because stoners tend to forget shit. So this is a copy/paste of my recollection of that night. I post it up every so often on these threads. People often don't believe it but seriously who writes a phony story to impress teenagers on the internet? Anyway I always just ask that you not ruin the surprise for those yet to read it.

    "I was at my cousin's wedding. It was after the photos were taken and when everyone began to drink and dance and return to the reception hall. I decided since I don't drink I would go and have a few puffs and then come back to the reception hall to eat. The wedding took place at night, outside and at a place made for such events. With a massive garden, dance halls, and a stage for music, etc.
    So I sneak out of the gate past a little empty guard shack full of security cameras and into the garden. Once I get past the shack and hedges surrounding it I can see that these gardens are BEAUTIFUL and HUGE. Unimaginable. Huge fountains with statues that spray water fifteen feet in the air, with live pink flamingos walking around in the water. The walkways had mosaic patterns laid out in the bricks. Just an incredible place, I couldn't believe how nice it was and it's hard to explain how expansive and beautiful this place is. Millions of dollars in elaborately laid out architecture. I walked to the fountain and lily pond where all the paths converged and then I looked around to make sure I was safe and alone. I walked down the path leading over to the darkest corner I could find until I felt a hand railing at the edge of the garden. I leaned against it and pulled out my little thumb sized chillum packed with some bubblegummy weed and started taking power rips. I was a little paranoid because I didn't know where the guards were, or where I was really. I was just slamming down big rips and holding them in, trying to finish the bowl quickly, looking around and trying not to get busted at my cousins wedding of all places.
    This is when it gets spooky. It is dark as hell and I am trying to hide my flame with my hands. So I am kinda blinding myself every time I light the bowl with every hit. In mid rip I hear this puffing or flapping sound RIGHT behind me, behind the arm rail. It's loud and sounds like someone shaking dirt off of a doormat. I'm freaking out but I can't see shit. I'm just squinting like hell at the pitch black in front of me waiting for my vision to adjust to the darkness. My vision finally focuses and I see essentially the whole fucking wall in front of me move several feet to the left. COMPLETELY SILENTLY. Like a wall 10ft high and at least as wide across. It was the spookiest thing I've ever seen. Then right from where the wall moves this giant black thing that is levitating in the air 8 feet off of the ground fills it's place. Then the flapping noise again and I see these two giant things puff off of the side of this floating orb. It's nearly doubled in size now and is about 5 feet across and still hovering in mid air. It's only several feet away and coming closer and closer. I freak out and I start stumbling backwards and fall down all over myself once I can see... It's a giant fucking elephant flapping his ears at me. Two of them actually. The "wall" I saw on the other side of the hand rail was the side of an elephant. When it took a few steps forward it's buddy came up head on and flapped it's ears at me. That was the giant levitating orb, and flapping sounds. An elephants head. Scared the SHIT out of me!!!
    I didn't realize it but the "gardens" I snuck into was the goddamn city zoo which is next door to the wedding reception hall. The reception hall is part of the zoo but they rent it out for special occasions, but I didn't know about any of this. That is why the trail into the gardens past the hedges were worth millions of dollars at a wedding reception hall, and why they have a guard shack with so many security cameras. And I was getting high leaning against the elephant exhibition hand rail. I was about ten feet from two elephants and had no clue. Scared me to death. After that the night kicked ass though.I wandered around a closed zoo at night by myself getting high and talking to animals and shit. I couldn't see many of them but I could see some cool ones like the white tiger and stuff. Then I went back and hit up the buffet. Definitely one of the coolest times I ever got high.

    If you enjoyed the story please don't ruin the punch line in your post for those who didn't read it yet."
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  16. this is gonna be a long story short but it was funny as hell.

    meet up with some friends at the park, smoke a bowl, we drive to pick up and 1/8. we get it and some sticks to roll some blunts. we park in the back of the park by some trails and a baseball diamond (because the people i was with are dumbasses) as soon as we park and start rollin, 2 cops roll up to us asking if we were starting fires in the trails. the driver is freaking out and turns the car off while in drive or neutral, the say okay and move a few feet down the road. we try to leave and when he puts it in drive and presses the gas the car doesn't move the engine just revs. we finally get it to go and we go park in the back of some shady ass office building (they are shitty at finding parking spots) we smoke 2 blunts while listening to the radio. were gettin ready to leave and the car is dead.... everyone cracks up for 5 minutes, except for the driver(hes pissed as fuck) and we finally get ahold of some girls to come jump us and they get there with no jumper cables.. so we have to track down some jumper cables. we finally start the car and go to hardees, as were ordering a black dude who works there goes "these *****hs high as hell" and we proceed to eat our food.
  17. so i was at this really dull family party with my girlfriend so we decide to take off. now at this point we were sober for about 2 months so we bump into a friend of ours we havent seen in a while and catch up. within 15 minutes she mentions shes about to cop half an O and asks if we would like to join and my girl is like looking at me with this HUGE grin on her face, i was looking at her the same way! anyway so its me and my girl with our friend and her bf. so she ends up calling her dealer and tells him to meet up in front of the building in a few. so while waiting our friend takes out a good fat blunt and says if we mind hitting it while we wait. now i never do an "exchange" while high but following a terrible couple of weeks, i could have used it. so we go down the ally and after 10 min all 4 of us were pretty damn baked and its been a while for me and my girl so were definitely feeling this. so while waiting for this guy to show up (which started to feel like forever by now) i see this red car with 2 wannabes looking right at us but they kept driving. seconds later see this old man on his bike looking at us funny 2 and begins to slow down but he also passes us. well i kept my eye on him cuz i was starting to freak out a bit. so then this old man stops at the corner and keeps looking at us from there, turns out this old man was the dealer which is funny cuz this guy is known for selling big but yet he looked like shit . Then all of a sudden the 2 wannabes from a moment ago out of NOWHERE are right in front of ready to search us. they were fucken undercover cops. now i should have seen this if it wasn't for a white van that covered the car that they were on and i would have noticed too IF I WASNT FUCKEN HIGH. now we were searched but me and my girl was clean but our friend and her bf still had bud on them but luckily the cops had to go b4 they were even touched. after that day me and my girl sworn that we would never get high wen we go buy our shit but the risk was totally worth it XD but what bugged me the most was that the dealer knew all along that the red car was the cops. yea he looked like shit but the man is smart, maybe the shit look is done on purpose?
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  18. HAHAH! Funny shit man :laughing:
  19. my friend wanted to smoke marijuana so I let him take a rip off of the bong I pulled the bowl off and told him to clear it and he just about had it cleared when he coughed into the bong and sprayed bong water all over me it was funny as hell but it was fresh bong water so I wasn't mad and I was laffing to hard to be mad
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