This is a long read, sumarizing my relationship with my best-friend. We met on are very first day of high-school. We were bother 13 at the time, we are both 18 now. We started talking and hanging out right away. We hung out together for about 2 months, before she gave me an altumatum: she didnt want to be my friend anymore, she wanted more or nothing. At the time, and up until resently, I can honestly say, I had no interest in dating, or seing any girl. All I wanted was to be her friend, and I didnt want to loose her as a friend. I told her this, but it ment nothing to her at the time. We started dating, even tho my feelings for her were completly plutonic. It lasted about 3 months, she broke up with me. At the time it hurt, but I understood. She wanted an actual boyfriend, someone who wants to hold her hand, hug her, kiss her...At the time, I had no interest in any of that.(In the 3 months NOTHING sexual happended) After are break up, we went through a periode of time where we didnt talk much. She started dating this guy: Cory. At the age of 14, she lost her virgnity to him. There relationship lasted into the 10th grade. When there relationship ended we started talking more, and more. Becoming actual friends, once again. We remained good friends for all of 10th grade. At the end of grade 10, she had to move, 6 hrs away from me, to Hamilton. I ended up moving to London Ontario with my mom for my 11th grade. We went an entire year without seeing eachother, we only talked every couple of months. Through out 11th grade, she bugged me to go see her in Hamilton( 1 1/2 hours away from london) but I couldnt cause I had no way there. At the begining of 12th grade, I had a car, and she bugged me to go see her again. This time I went. I went to see her twice, through out the year. Both times for the day, spending most of it together, then meeting her boyfriend for a couple of hours before I left. All is well, when out of no where, I get a text from her, telling me her mom kicked her out, and she has no-where to stay. After talking about it, she decides she wants to move back to are home town. I decided to help her. I drove to hamilton, and brought her back to my place. We spent the night talking, smoking weed and wathcing TV, when I got tired, I tried to convince her to come to bed with me. I made it clear that nothing had to happen, but she chose to sleep on my couch instead. We left the next morning, I was only spenging a week in are home town, and most of my time was spent with her. When it was time for me to leave, she got sad, but I told her I would be back. Up until this point I viewed this girl as nothing more then a friend, my very-best friend. Something changed, and I dont know what made it change. We continued talking while I was away. She went throught two guys while I was gone Mike, and Mark( mark is her boyfriend right now). As soon as I got back to town, she wanted to chill, so I went over and spent the day with her while her BF-Mark was at work. So where chillen at her place, when Mark shows up. This is when I realized something was deferent. She has been dating since we broke up, and I have seen it. But sitting on that couch, at her place, watching her kiss mark... My blood started to boil, I felt very uncomfortable, and wanted to tell them to stop. At the time, I didnt understand why I felt this way, because, I had NEVER felt this way about anyone. I avoided chillen with Mark and her, at the same time, for the rest of the week I was there. The only time I chilled with her was when she wasnt with Mark. She was okay with this. Then something happend, a couple days before I had to leave, that made me realize my feelings for her have changed. She got in the habit of asking me to do things for her, when she needed so mething, like a ride. Now to understand why this made me realise my feelings for her where changing, you'll need to understand a bit about me. I am selfish, and I have no problems saying no to people even if it hurts there feelings, and I say no to freinds all the time. I could not say no to her, she called me, begging for a ride, her friend was in the hospital for cutting her self. I tried to say no, saying things like: I dont really want to, and; I dont really feel like driving you. But she pushed, and pushed, and got what she wanted. Before hanging up the phone she said; "Thanks Mat, I really apreciate this." Me:" Ya, watever, ill be there in 15 minutes." then she whispered, right before hanging up: " I love you.." click. At the time I didnt pay attention to what she said. I was furious, my will had just been bent by a 110 lb, girl. I was rattled. I went the entire weekend without talking to her. During the weekend I talked to several friends, and family about how I felt, and why I felt that way. Then I realised why I was upset. It wasnt because she was constintly asking me to do things for her, It was because she was asking me to these things for her, and not asking her boyfriend. I realised, that the only problem I had with it, was she was not my Girlfriend, and therefore should not be my responsiblity. I decided I needed to talk to her about this, and tell her how I felt. She needed to know. The reason she needed to know, was because I was starting to have a hard time controlling my emotions. Sitting in a room, alone, on a bed, with her and not trying anything, was become a challenge for me. The day I was to leave, to come back to London, she texted me. She hadnt texted me since I gave her that ride to the hospital, I was still pissed at her, but I agreeded to go see her before I left, to talk to her about how I felt. I had every intention of talking to her, but as soon as I showed up, she took me somewhere alone, and started crying. Face on my shoulder, my arms arround her, I tried to comfort her. She was crying because I was leaving. She wanted me to stay. I told her, I had to leave, I was only going back because of work... I also told her I was comming back the 29th of jully. About 2 weeks fromt he day I was leaving. I spent an hour chillen with her, then it was time for me to go. I tried to start talking to her, but as soun as I said it was time for me to leave, she starts crying again. I stood there with my arms around her for like 15 minutes, I gave her a kiss on the forehead, and told her, even though I didnt want to go, I had to. I hugged her one last time. I turned around and walked away, she just stood there crying until I was gone. We had a conversation over texting right before I left this it: Her: Yo I must be upset. I'm getting high by myself. ( she never smokes alone) Me: im not gone yet.. Her: But soon. Me: Yes, soon. Her: Me: Is there anythingI can do, to make you less sad? Her: Yeah, you could stay! Me: But I work tomorow at 5. Her: I'll get over it. Your coming back the 29th. Me: Even If I stayed the night, your spending it with mark. Her: Well yeah he's my boyfriend. Me: Im hitting road right now, goodbye shelby. Her: Bye. I can honestly say, I have never felt about anyone this way before, these emotions are all new to me, and I really am at a lost to what to do. I know I have to tell her, I cant continue ingnoring how I feel forever. There are really only 2 possible endings to this. One, I tell her how I feel, and she feels the same way. The other, I tell her, and she doesnt feel the same, which scares me, because even if she doesnt want me, Im still going to want to be her friend, I still want to be in her life. Any advice is welcome. Im going back to my home town, on the 29th, and I plan on talking to her then.
Just tell her how you feel. Regardless of her answer, I think it's safe to say you two are drawn together as people on a personal level, you've reconnected with her once after not seeing her for a long time. If she gives you a different answer than you're looking for, that doesn't mean she's gone forever. And if you don't, how much will you regret it? Just make sure you're sure of your feelings toward her first.
one day at a time bro ...be thankful for that which you do have and let everything else work itself out.
You say you're selfish? Tell her how you feel, fuck her boyfriend or any other commitments. Those feelings on your chest seem to be tearing you up, it will make you feel better after it's in the open; regardless of the outcome.
We all live and we all die, no point in worrying about consequences. Live the life the way you want it man, tell her how you feel. Live your life free and be free and don't worry too much, just do what you want to do and feel how you want to feel. Peace and love.
Can you make a "your 18, it's not a big deal" option? Also, if you have feelings for her, tell her, otherwise you'll regret it in the future
She obviously loves and cares about you, whether or not romantic feelings are there..I don't know. But, because she wanted to date you when you were kids, she did at one point. She also obviously feels safe and trusts you. If you really love her I would say go for it. Maybe take it slow, see where it goes.
maybe she's waiting for you to make a move and maybe in the meantime she's too scared to leave her boyfriend in case nothing happens with you. if that's true then that's not cool because it's like she's scared of being alone. so that said, you should definitely make a move! just tell her you want to date her and you're more reliable than her current boyfriend anyway
I haven't been friends with my best friend near as long as you have (almost 5 years this year), but I told him in February how much I've loved him in these past years (after posting a thread on here lol), and it was the smartest thing I've ever done. (I was also very cheesy and told him on Valentines day too) He had a girlfriend at the time (and I do feel bad because when I told him how it felt it did lead to things before he broke up with her) but he had been wanting to break up with her for a while I suppose because a week after I told him he broke up with her and was spending all his free time with me. We started dating soon after and have been since. (sorry if this sounds weird I woke up at 3 and have smoked and shall be heading back to bed lol) [EDIT] After reading the comment above mine, I agree, I waited as long as I did to tell him because I wanted him to make the first move really bad. He was oblivious to my feelings though lol and thought that we had a perfectly platonic friendship.
Lol, ima +rep you cause you made me laugh. I plan on telling her, but I think its best if I do it face to face, not over the phone. I would make the first move, just shes in a relationship.. That can turn out pretty bad. I will however, tell her how I feel. Also, I talked to her today, not about this, but apparently, now she loves this mark guy. FML
I have always been one to fall for my friends/best friends. It blows. Hard. I've always been the one to not make a move in fear of messing up a good friendship and let me tell you, you don't want to live like I do.
Tell her. One of three things can happen; - You tell her how you feel, and its mutual, and go from there. - You tell her how you feel, she doesn't feel the same, you two just remain friends - You don't tell her how you feel, and you will never know what might have been, and will regret it.
The thing is, with the way I feel, I dont think I can just be her friend, Ive been having a hard not making move on her, with out her knwoing how I feel, once she knows, ill probly give up.
Dude I went through the same thing with one of my best friends. We've been friends for awhile nd i allways thought she was bees knees....so anyways long story short I came onto her nd shit and now she hates me.... But I mean even tho I lost her as a friend it was way better than keeping all my emotions a secret from her...so I say just come clean and tell her how u feel man
I have had feelings for my best girl friend for 5 years. Then I realized I was no longer able to control my feelings for her, and that I had waited too long to make a move, and it would seem weird at this point. (We have hooked up a few times, but "just as friends") I texted her a few weeks ago, not confessing much, but I basically told her, "My feelings for you are starting to interfere with our friendship, and that I want to cut all contact for a while" She has sent me a few text messages since then, but I have not responded to any of them. Sounds cruel, and selfish, and it is, but I had to do what I had to do, and there's no way it's affecting her more than me. I felt being honest was the best thing to do, at least I informed her I was ignoring her, so she knows it's not her.
Im actually afraid this is something I might have to do, at least ti'll I stop feeling this way about her. Then I think I could just be her friend.
Im glad you broke up that read using paragraphs. If that was a wall of text i never woulda been able to get through it! hahah I live in london (school) and burlington (home)... hell i can see the skyway from my window hahah Anyways, i now how you feel man. I think you have to tell her, and realize that theres a good chance that she may shut you down, which may end your friendship. I know that sounds unappealing, but its the blunt truth; its very difficult to stay friends (for both parties) after one person admits feelings, and the other denies them. Both of you would become self-conscience of how you are acting, and what you are saying that your friendly relationship would no longer become genuine. All i can say is you'll either start to hate yourself - or her - if you keep those feelings bottled up. p.s. maybe i'll see you around in london sometime. do you ever hit the strip? the frog is my most common bar i'd say...
Im 18, and legal drinking age in Canada is 19. Also I ment London, ontario, Canada. Just incase I didnt say that. I havent heard of the frog. Ill hit it up when I turn 19 tho, if its in Canada. LOL.