you needa stop usin any drug as a crutch.. for real, and i say that to help.. i been through the same shit and its just not the way to go about things.. if you really wanna get outta the rut then stop drinking to "numb the pain" ive been addicted to drugs most my life.. it almost destroyed me.. i never thought it would.. but it does, and it will to anyone who keeps it up.. noones immune
If anything, you should be using Marijuana to ease the pain :/ Definitely not Alcohol. From personal experience, it doesn't help at all. Externally, you think it is helping, but internally and subconsciously it will tear you apart. Good luck, Blade, GC has always got your back