I Have No Selft Esteem, It Sucks....

Discussion in 'General' started by No Self Esteem, Jan 26, 2009.

  1. so i have always been the class clown and shit when i was little, i used to be friends with all the girls. all the "popular guys" would treat me like shit and i never knew any of the "popular girls" well i used to hang out with some of those guys and they would hit me and shit, i wouldnt do anything back because i was a little bitch.

    Looking back on that, i think it really fucked up my self esteem bad!

    in 9th grade i was the little kid with the high voice 5ft tall and would talk shit thinking i was a fucking badass, never had any problem meeting friends and never had a problem talking to girls, i guess i just diddnt care what people thought of me.

    well i was talking shit to this kid on the bus one day in 9th grade and he beat my ass after i got off the bus, the kid was in 10th grade i think.

    thats besides the point, i realized that i needed to shut my mouth and stop fucking around so much.

    well that was a while ago.

    now i am a senior. have a group of friends that i hang out in school, i can call them up and hang out if i want to, but for some reason... i never do.

    i am always afraid to ask my parents if i can use their car to hang out with my friends. because i dont want them to assume i am doing anything bad, like shit that i do (smoke weed, drink alcohol). now i dont think that either one of those things are bad but im just afraid to let my dad down. he trusts that i will do the right thing. i never try to go to partys because i just dont know what to say to my parents.

    my parents dont try to control me at all. they just want to know what im up to, you know? it doesnt make them bad people.

    ok so back to my self esteem problem.

    i used to play on xbox with all my free time, making a couple of good friends on there (yeah i know, sounds fucking gay). well they would crack on me saying how i sound like a robot and shit, look like a little kid, and i used get so upset.

    i am so self concious about myself, and i know that i shouldnt be. i know i shouldnt care what people think of me, but i do, and it fucking sucks. i wish i could just be myself.

    well my sister lives about a 3 hours away from me, and i plan on moving over there after my last year of highschool is over, in march i think. the people over there are cool and i feel like i can be myself and still make friends.

    i am also VERY self concious about my weight, i dont know for sure how much i weigh, but i could care less. i am trying to look thin.

    I Eat healthy 90% of the time, and i only drink water. it is real hard to eat healthy all the time since i dont have a job, and my parents dont really cook.

    i cant talk to girls anymore because i am so self concious about my weight. here are some pictures i took real fast.


    my best friend moved away last september, so all i really do is hang out around my house now, because of me being afraid to let my parents down.

    it would mean a lot to me if you could read this and reply, i really love this website, and i have another account that many of you know me by.

    i do know there are people out there, that have real problems. i just needed to tell
    somebody. sorry i am not that good at writing though
  2. I think it's against the rules to have more than one account here.
  3. 1. Don't let your parents run your life or you'll never have your own life to look back on.
    2. You aren't fat, I'd rather be your weight then have no meat on my bones like I do (Hint: Girls don't like guys skinnier than them)
    3. Find better friends
  4. #4 des esseintes, Jan 26, 2009
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 26, 2009

    It is but he/she doesn't want us to know who it is, no big deal.

    can you give us a hint.

    oh and by the way it will all work out if you apply yourself to change

    yo and i just looked at the pictures and how the fuck do you think your fat
  5. #5 fiji, Jan 26, 2009
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 26, 2009
    Sounds kinda like my childhood..

    I'm guessing your not a religous man? If you are just remember your here for a reason and theres millions of people in heaven watching over you.

    And if your not, your still an amazing uniqe (sp?) person man, lifes to short to worry. Because if you worry other people will worry about you and thats not what you want...

    be confedent (sp) man your not overweight your not ugly or a loser. Your one of a kind, and im pretty sure theres no one out there that would just straight up not want to be friends with you and if there are fuck them I wouldnt want to be there friend anyways.

    Your cool man

    stay up :wave:
  6. Dude, don't even think twice about your weight, you have an average build.

    You look like a normal guy to me, I don't know what you're self conscious about.

    You should talk to a psychiatrist, you might be able to get medication to help if there is an imbalance with your neurotransmitters.
  7. dont worry about shit so much if you think you're fat, you will live your life as a fat person.

    dont think, do.
  8. thanks guys, it really means a lot to me. and whats that smell, thats how my "friends" used to be, when i was in elementary school. and i think i might go to a psychiatrist, thanks
  9. #9 Androgenicx, Jan 26, 2009
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 26, 2009
    blah blah blah blah

    Everyone has a story, everyone has a sad story. Where is this story now, where is this "past"? It doesn't exist, except in your own head. Your the only person who carries it on your burdened shoulders day in and day out. Most of the world doesn't even know who you are. Those that were part of your life are too busy lost in their own to remember or care about what you "were" when you were around them.

    The only place the past exists is in your head, as you keep thinking about it. Stop thinking about the past, realize that you are not your thoughts. If you want to be burdened by your past and who you think you are go ahead. IF you don't, your free to drop it, noones gonna stop you and say "this is who you used to be your not allowed to transform". Its your choice, through and through, you just need to gather up the courage and the self awareness to realize that you are just lost in some fraudulent concept of you who think you are that is completely incorrect, completely worthless, and completely charged by emotion. You don't know your own past - you will see it as you want to see it, through the lens of your emotional condition right now. This isn't just you, this is all the human race.

    Who you think you are is not who you are, its just fragments you have picked up and clothed yourself with. Circumstances occur, they are not under your control. You react in a certain way, largely not under your control as well until you start awakening to the realization of understanding the nature of consciousness itself. Shit occurs, time doesn't exist. Theres no evidence save theory. all there is is movements in space. Some shit moved in certain ways in space 10 years ago, and your misery is because your still clinging onto it in your head, when nobody has any clue about it but you. Furthermore, your not even clinging to what happened, but what you think happened as you see it now through the lens of your current emotional condition. The same past will seem laughable if you were largely in a good frame of mind.

    [ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n05YksIc4ps"]YouTube - Who are YOU?.m4v[/ame]

    Watch this, and start awakening yourself to consciousness, meditation, and awareness, and watch your life heal in ways you never thought possible. You are not who you think you are, not even close. On the corest level, you are nothing. YOU do not exist. All that exists is emptiness that can either cling to things and misidentify itself with them, or it can abide in its emptiness and feel the bliss of complete freedom from all concept and false identity. Pick up the book "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle

    edit: and physically, you look perfectly regular and "normal". Its another work of the compulsive, erratic, chaotic mind to see faults in itself and positivity in others in comparison. When you are looking at yourself day in and day out all your life in the mirror, criticizing and analyzing yourself, do you think you really see what is there anymore? You just see echoes and imprints of all your emotional trauma related to how you think/thought you look, not whats really there.

    Listen to me when I say you are MAD, CRAZY, downright INSANE. The whole world is. Completely lost and chaotic, and downright insane. If you want sanity, start working with your consciousness and awakening. There you will find the unconditioned truth, not relative, highly personalized, highly incorrect, highly misaligned perspective of what you think the truth is in relation to your own highly limited experiences, which were emotionally charged in themselves.
  10. But honestly dude, unless your pictures are somehow deceiving (and with that many angles I can't see how they would be) why the hell do you think you're fat?

    My cousin is like 350-400lbs, that's fat.
    You ain't fat.
  11. Yea, nothing wrong with your body.
    You might not be physically fit (ripped with muscles and shit)
    I cant tell with the shirt on of course.

    From what I can tell ur an average joe.
    nothing wrong with that.
  12. #12 59mikemo50, Jan 26, 2009
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 26, 2009
    Hey, I can relate to your whole deal with the parents man, it can be a mindfuck but you'll see that disappointing them is not the end of the world.. gotta be independent eventually. But yeah you just need to change your thinking, and don't single yourself out or think you're the only one with issues and stuff. Eventually It'll just come to you and you'll realise you're wasting your time thinking about shit that really isn't anything to worry about. I wish I could explain better how, but atleast know that the phase will end.

    Oh and no one on here would have judged you negatively if you'd have used your real name.. I mean this GC, it doesn't get anymore open minded.
  13. I'm quoting this because it was such an excellent post. This guy speaks the truth OP. In reality, you control your mindset. You have the power to live a happy healthy life with a lot less worry than you do now.

    I used to be in a sort of similar situation as you. My sophomore year of HS I had practically no friends at school, and I ended up eating more , got heavier ( a little bit bigger than you), and generally started feeling even more self-conscious of myself because of it. I had always been self-conscious of myself though, ever since I was a little kid and people made fun of me or whatever. I was stuck in that mindset. I was shitty at sports too which only made me feel worse about myself.

    Things didn't really change for me, honestly, until my first experience with LSD. I took 2 hits by myself one night when I was 16 years old. I did this in my room by myself when my parents were asleep. It might seem like a stupid decision, but it was one of the most life-changing experiences I'd ever had. I became very introspective and examined my own life intensely. I realized that I needed to be more outgoing and happy, and that I had no real reason to be sad about my life at all. I had a good life, with loving parents, and the couple good friends I had were great, as were the people in my job. I realized how much I underappreciated my parents and everything. Beginning with that trip and continuing with subsequent trips on mushrooms I really changed my old mindset.

    I realized that life is truly what you make of it, the future is not yet written and you can do absolutely anything if you put your mind to it. Go out there, find some people you get along with, maybe start working out or even just going for a job a few days a week. They say excercise can really help with depression.

    Anyways, I hope things start to turn around for you. And if you ever find yourself feeling down about shit, remember that we here at grasscity love you. You are loved man, by us and by your parents, and if you believe it, by the universe itself. You are an incredibly unique being with your own talents, quirks and abilities, and you are special.

    Peace out man :)
  14. Why worry about your weight anyways man? I know plenty of dudes that are 3x your size wider and pull chicks like mad men. It's all about perception, and talking homie.

    My best advice I can give you, is grow up.

    Stop living in your childhood, take it for what it's worth, learn from past experiences and use that to better yourself, not in the future, but in the now.

    I used to have the same mentality as you back when I was about a sophomore or junior in high school... Then I discovered weed, and basically gave a big fuck you to the people who hated on me back in the day. Fuck em, who needs friends or who needs to be surrounded by people who pick on you constantly? Nobody man.

    You need to realize that you are who you are, and if people don't like it, it's their loss... Not yours. Fuck em.

    About the parties thing.... What moma don't know.. Don't hurt her.
    Say you're going to a friends to spend the night, and you'll be back in the morning. Whala. You're free till you come home in the morning. It's not difficult man... And if you can't find a place to crash that night sleep in your car... I've had to do this many a times... Just don't fall asleep with the battery on!

    Good luck.. You might want to consider seeing a psychiatrist too, can't hurt ya know
  15. fuck those other people. cheer up dood,youre not fat or anything.
  16. I was just about to quote Andro's post before I came back in here because he's pretty damn good at explaining self actualization. He definately speaks the truth. I can't explain it like that but I totally understand it..

    Live by this haha
  17. how do you think your fat? seriously

    join the y or something and hit the weights and get active and stuff. you seem perfectly fine

    think positive that is mad important believe it or not. people subconsciously read attitudes and emotions and your body reacts to your own attitudes and emotions
  18. You gotta feel good about yourself man, you never chose to be born into who you've become but you gotta play it cool. Don't go playin' games your whole life, expectations, pressures, fcuk that man, find out what works for you. Girls don't dig guys who try to win ego contests, they like guys who can chill and go with the flow, keep everything down to earth. Not the guy who tries to keep everything even, but the guy who takes it as it comes.

    Roll with the punches bro and stay out of trouble.
  19. You look perfect and normal...

    And to some this may sound like bad advise but it always helps me...

    Go out and buy some new clothing. Try to be fashionable and it really will help your self esteem... It may seem wierd and some will say that outward appearence isn't where you should put your focus on (you really shouldn't) but to human's having good outward apperance is necessary until you accept yourself for who you are
  20. if you're really worried about looking fat don't wear such big shirts

    go down a size or 2 in shirts and you'll probably look ALOT less fat. everybody asked me if i lost weight when i started wearing tight shirts, i was never fat in the first place i just had this impression i was so i wore like XL shirts and shit like that for no reason

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