I've come to notice a sense of disconnection from the world around me, and lately it's only been getting stronger. I look around and see repetition: the most mundane of actions being harnessed as a way of life. I no longer feel any stimulation from about 99% of the conversations I have with people. They are conversations we have solely to pass the time: nothing meaningful, insightful or even worthwhile being said. The people around me have become predictable, and it makes me feel uneasy. I know what they will say or do before they act, and I have to react in the way they would expect. Yet, I've stopped reacting...stopped listening. I often find myself lost in my own thoughts, focusing on how out of place I constantly feel. Isn't it all too possible that the people on the other side of this equation feel the exact same way towards me? I am lost. The paths I once set out to create for myself have become faded with time. And here I am, stuck in the middle of these paths with no direction to go. I continue to wander, hoping that through some chance, I will find myself exactly where the path intended for me to go. Yet, at the end of the day, I still find myself stuck on the path. Nowhere to go, but all the time in the world to get there. I am lonely. I seek companionship. The words of someone who acknowledges what they say, and why they say it. Someone who's thoughts can capture and hold me stronger than my own. Many of the people I've come across only provide me with a darker outlook on the society around me, and the future it faces. I do not belong here. Every night, I look to the stars in admiration of the bigger picture: the endless universe that stands before me. I wonder if I am meant for better things, and realize it isn't so. Why am I here? On this planet? Why can't I be somewhere else where my actions mean something to the world, and those around me are more important to me? I understand entirely that my thought process deems what is and isn't worthy, but I cannot understand why mine has become so strict. After all is said and done though, I continue on. I lack a motivation, I lack drive, yet here we are. I'm going through the motions of life in the hopes that there is something better just beyond the horizon. I have changed many things in my life hoping to find myself eventually walking along a path I understand: a path I WANT to walk along. It is after all these years that I have realized something. What I seek is not companionship, but rather solitude. I would rather be condemned to my thoughts and my thoughts alone as guidance: A quite man looking through the window, opposed to the loudmouth looking into the building. It is here that my depressive mentality sets in. I realize the necessity in the cold experience of life, and that I must continue to push through. Even if there is nothing beyond that horizon, or no paths for me to follow, at the end of the road, I still have my thoughts. It is these thoughts that will be the most important things I have ever heard, or understood, even if I may not understand them at the time.
idk if someone like you should smoke, or maybe you smoke too much and should slow down and take a t-break. i have felt the same way with no way to describe it such as yours and stopping smoking for at least 3 days helped. conversations seem to gain more importance to me when sober for a period of time also. i feel as if my thoughts are the only thing that really matters to me. the way i live and think, is no matter where i am, ill be thinking, and thats enough to get by for me each and every day
That's deep OP, and don't get me wrong, a lot of us have or felt this way once in their life time. I know where your coming from cause I felt that way too and still do often times. But one thing you have to keep in mind is that living aint that easy. Whats the whole point of living when you gonna die right? Well start surprising yourself, go do something you've wanted to do, or meet new people. If you think conversation with people are meaningless try groups/meeting (example: AA,N, etc...), it might give you some insights on how people lived or are living that might be in the same situation as you. So yeah, life sucks but you gotta enjoy the little things and motivate yourself via anyway possible.
Find something to do that you will become passionate about and love doing. You'll find that whatever this is it will love you back. As far as people becoming uninspiring and dull, I can't really help you out there as I am pretty much in the same boat. All I can really say it is that . . . . . . well . . . .
Looked at but cannot be seen - it is beneath form; Listened to but cannot be heard - it is beneath sound; Held but cannot be touched - it is beneath feeling; These depthless things evade definition, And blend into a single mystery. In its rising there is no light, In its falling there is no darkness, A continuous thread beyond description, Lining what does not exist; Its form formless, Its image nothing, Its name silence; Follow it, it has no back, Meet it, it has no face. Attend the present to deal with the past; Thus you grasp the continuity of the Way, Which is its essence.
I can relate, I feel like life has become very repetetive and the people I'm around don't really change at all.
Beautiful.. I feel the same way man, I just can't phrase it as well as you just did. Keeping your words to yourself is nothing to be saddened about, perhaps it is more of an indicator of your intelligence. Cherish your thoughts, they will make you happier than anyone can. I am somewhat of a scientist, a musician, an engineer. You will be happiest when you immerse yourself in thought concerning your interests. I like to think about the physics and mathematics of anything and everything that goes on around me. It keeps my mind off the disconnection to those around me that you very well described.
What a wall of text dude. I'm pretty sure you haven't lost your connection to humanity. I mean, you obviously have an internet connection, and with that you're good to go. If you start thinking too much, smoke more weed. We're all just waiting for death don't try and fight the inevitable.
You're becoming a realist. One of the few to not possess a self serving bias and a candy coated outlook. We're in the same boat OP, life just isn't all it's cracked up to be. Just gotta accept that it is what it is and enjoy yourself. Once I realized this, I quit smoking and it helped, definitely made more me involved socially.
I think this is a layman's definition of realist that doesn't actually mean the same thing as it does when used in the philosophical sense. Nice idea though.
+rep You took the thoughts out of my mind. It's quite the experience as an intelligent conscious being to begin to realize the pattern of meaninglessness the universe has.
your not alone man. you pretty much put my whole life in a paragraph and im sure many others also lol. we are all on the pursuit of happiness, the only thing really keeping anybody going. just try to keep talkin to people. who cares if you sound stupid. you gotta meet new people and you cant be alone forever(well you can) whether you like it or not.youll go crazy after too long and stay depressed for ever. maybe eventually move. i hate the people in my town( over exagerrated) but really, im ready for a new chapter ,new scenery, new people. idk man a whole new outlook on life theres a whole lotta motha fuckas on planet earth im sure you havent tried to connect with all of them you will be in this depressive state for a bit, then you will go back to the " i dont give a fuck" mentality and be content until you can find your place in the world. smoke a joint , and stop worrying for a bit pretend time dosent exist, and figure out what your next move in life is. the pieces will come together.they won't do it itself. you create your destiny man . we dont got a destiny setup for us. dont just sit and wait for something to happen cuz ive done that for too damn long it dont work man lol good luck
I feel the same way man. Just keep your head up and find a beautiful women to spend your time with, we'll be alright.
I appreciate the words everyone. I get a sense of clarity with some of you blades' responses on these boards.
You know what? Realizing that there is nothing anyone can do for your condition is scarier than the actual act of being in the middle of it, it will just keep comming back, it is not something you can get rid of or cover up. It will stay just under the surface of every act you have on the face of this earth until the day you turn to dust. It is much like the day you really truely understand you are going to die and mentaly process that information. It changes who you are on a level that can not ever be erased. Welcome to the family, Good luck, if you decide to burn that star at its brightest. Do something magnificent, Make the whole world go WOW! check that out.