Grow up. If your over 18, its time to grow the fuck up man. I went through that stage when i was in grade 9, so did everyone else man. Its a really childish thing to do
Seek help, your not batshit crazy as some people say you are, some people go through this, its not childish either, its not your fault. My girlfriend is also obsessed with self destruction, however she suffers from depression as well, she was completely fine until like 6 months ago then it just hit her, so don't blame yourself or think your crazy you'r not. I would go talk to a psychologist or something about it.
This. Everyone goes through self-destructive phases, but the only people who make a lifestyle out of it are selfish, immature or rockstars (who are most likely selfish and immature). You want to down a bottle of vodka and pills, but you don't want to commit suicide? That's called attention seeking. It sounds to me like you just wanna get fucked, but instead of saying that, it's all blah blah psychological disorder blah blah. If you're not depressed, and you don't hate yourself (for reasons other than your self destructive behavior), then it's attention seeking plain and simple.