I, in no way, have a bad life at all nor am I depressed. I just have this fascination with self-destruction.. Fascination isn't the right word though. It's almost like a fetish, like how masochists like to be hurt. The idea of self-destruction pleases me, I guess. When I say Im not depressed, it's true, Im not. Im apathetic, maybe, but not depressed. I am just completely content with death. I like the thought of taking a bottle of Ambien, washing it down with some vodka, and maybe taking some Antiemetic pills so I don't throw it all back up and fail. Even if I do fail, it would still cause me much pleasure. Injecting myself with heroin, snorting coke until my whole life is ruined -- everything. Just self-destruction in general. I like the thought of self-destruction and I hate myself for this for obvious reasons of selfishness and/or hurting loved ones with my self-destruction. For your information, Im not suicidal at all and this is not a suicide attempt plea blah blah, etc. Im just really confused and curious as to why I am this way. Sorry, wasn't really sure where to put this.
It slightly is a cry for help, mostly because: Im just wondering if anyone else is like this or if there is a specific name for this. Besides this affecting others negatively, I am completely content being this way though. Also, Discussion of other drugs is prohibited. The topic of this thread is not to discuss other drugs, some names are merely stated, otherwise this is in no way a discussion about other drugs.
This has nothing to do with drugs, though. That was just an example. Im not "emo", just an extreme form of.. masochism? Where are the helpful potheads at. L o L.
I went through a little period of self-destruction in my mid to late teens, doing any drug I could get my hands on.. But from my personal experience and seeing others go down that same path, it rarely ends well. I just got lucky. Can't really explain in more detail cause it involves other drugs.
Ah, well my case isn't really to do with that, I probably just used a bad example. Im glad you came out okay though, definitely is rare on hard drugs. There are far more self-destructing things than just drugs. Drugs were just one of the few I could think of. I just like self-desctruction in general.
Yeah but what does it have to do with then? Self-mutilation? Extreme sports? What kind of self-destruction do you have an obsession with?
Where are you trying to go with this thread when you dismiss everyone's ideas on what it might be? You like self-destruction, and you hate yourself for it; but you're not depressed, sounds like chronic depersonalization... How much do you smoke and have you really drank down whole bottles with vodka and take anti-vomit pills?
I don't really know. Like, doing things to my body (no -- maybe more my mind?) that I am aware is not good. Not exactly mutilation, nor self harm, but more like losing control, or losing my mind. Making myself feel hopeless and even more apathetic. Being defiled. I just like the feeling. I'm sorry, I'm not trying to dismiss their ideas. I'm just wanting to figure out what is psychologically wrong with me. Obviously not the best way in a forum, but pdoc doesn't seem to be very insightful. I get depersonalization often, yes. I also like this too. No, I have not actually done the vodka thing. I love my family/friends and would never do anything to hurt them. It just seems pleasing to me because of the self destruction. Sorry, I guess Im going no where with this thread. Was just curious. I'm probably just gonna get a new pdoc.
BATSHIT CRAZY I TELL YA! Sounds like ur one of those guys with a Domination and humiliation fetish, where you're the bitch. lol just what the first paragraph says to me. "Making myself feel hopeless and even more apathetic. Being defiled. I just like the feeling. " ohhhhhhhhhhh yeah.