I, in no way, have a bad life at all nor am I depressed. I just have this fascination with self-destruction.. Fascination isn't the right word though. It's almost like a fetish, like how masochists like to be hurt. The idea of self-destruction pleases me, I guess. When I say Im not depressed, it's true, Im not. Im apathetic, maybe, but not depressed. I am just completely content with death. I like the thought of taking a bottle of Ambien, washing it down with some vodka, and maybe taking some Antiemetic pills so I don't throw it all back up and fail. Even if I do fail, it would still cause me much pleasure. Injecting myself with heroin, snorting coke until my whole life is ruined -- everything. Just self-destruction in general. I like the thought of self-destruction and I hate myself for this for obvious reasons of selfishness and/or hurting loved ones with my self-destruction. For your information, Im not suicidal at all and this is not a suicide attempt plea blah blah, etc. Im just really confused and curious as to why I am this way. Sorry, wasn't really sure where to put this.