Me and my boyfriend have been together more then 2 years now, i'm 20 he's 21. Well its getting to the point where we know we are going to get married we talk about it all the time. I don't have the physical ring but we know the wedding is going to be the summer after I graduate. Anyways, my point is, we are serious. Now to describe our personalities, he is very obsessed with working, getting things done, and being a manly man haha, he likes physical labor and that sort of stuff. As for me and am an emotional artistic college student going into psychology and I love loving him. He loves to go out and buy me things and he says when he is working so hard its to make a living to save up for us and our life together. This is sort of his way of showing he cares he takes me out all the time and buys me things. The problem is I don't feel that I need any of this I adore him for it of course but I am usually the one to give kisses cuddles and hugs. I text him sweet things tell him I love him all of the time and act flirty and cute and goofy. He was a lot more like this in the begining but now, not so much. This is more of what I am looking for then anything else but he just seems to have trouble doing this and it makes me feel like I am the one who cares more. ( I realize this isn't true) Well lately this has cause a lot of outbursts and I cry and he doesnt know what to do . I tell him all I am asking is for him to act more emotional and talk to me and tell me you love me and hold me and kiss me and do those romantic sort of things. So then he tries! But it is all very forced and I can tell. Then he reverts back to not being this way. It drives me nuts and I am just wondering if this is something that a lot of couples go through, or if this is something that I might need to just go out and find a guy who is better able to show his emotions more, also if there is anything wrong with him doing this or anything wrong with the way I am handeling this?
For shame. You are going into psychology and don't realize the difference between men and women. Most men are not that emotional and that won't change. In the beginning of every relationship it's all lovey dovey, then you get comfortable and those things aren't on the forefront of your mind. Also, it seems you expect him to act like the dudes in the movies, being romantic all the time, sweeping you off your feet. It doesn't work like that. You said you loved him, but it doesn't seem that way to me because you're willing to give up a good dude because he doesn't send sappy love texts and expressed his love in a different way. I think you should move on. You're young and you're having doubts. The longer you wait the more you'll hurt him.
You can't change him any more than he can change you. He's probably not comfortable being too emotional in front of others and asking him to do so is unfair to him. If you want him to be romantic you're going to have to create the romantic situations. Take him to dinner or a picnic or a movie. He may not want to go but if you give him the best blow jobs after every "date" he will start to learn to appreciate your romance. TL: DR - Reward him with bomb ass sex for doing romantic things you want to do.
Emotions are fucking gay. I blame twilight for this shit.....WE ARE MEN! We don't do this talking about emotions stuff...we do the manly thing and hold it in until it manifests itself into a physical ailment.
you sound a little clingy? try to be more independent for a bit and not make your life revolve around him, its not healthy. don't force stuff out of him and let it be. The more you try and force it the less likely it'll help.
Yeah, my boyfriend tries to do this but he made a fatal mistake by making me his woman. He has to be honest about his feelings with me.
GirlyS- I am only a sophomore it's not like I am a professional psychologist or anything yet, ahaha but I wish I knew everything.. clearly I don't. also I would definitely agree, I think I might have a warped view on relationships because of the messed up culture we live in. I am constantly getting bombarded with messages that men should be a certain way. I have been trying to get that bias out of my head but I dont think it will ever be completely gone from anyone's life. also I think it might be a little unfair of you to decide whether or not I love this man. I am not "willing to give him up" because he doesn't send me sappy texts.. haha this may have been an overstatement on your part. but It has become a slight problem and I am 100% willing to see it if I am one the one in the wrong because this very well may be. lastly I think people have doubts in relationships all the time, and in this particular situation, I dont think "moving on" is probably the right thing to do at this point. But thank you for your imput and I definitely like the pointers you gave to me about how I might just be putting unrealistic standards on him. EyesSeeingAll - Ha, actually this is funny because me and him just had sex for the first time about a month ago, I lost my virginity...(this may have something to do with me fearing that he does't like me as much) Messiah Decoy - I agree that I cannot change him as he can't change me. I think this whole idea of someone not being comfortable being too emotional in front of others is foreign to me and I agree it is probably unfair of me to ask this of him I think I am fascinated at how different men are when it comes to emotion and I have trouble relating especially since I am pretty much your typical emotional girl haha hahaha as for blow jobs he gets them ALL of the time. So he gets this "reward" more then once daily..
pingingpong - thanks for your input. I feel like I am cingy sometimes and it literally grosses me out. I will try to be independant. My parents recently got divorced since my dad left and literally found a different family and doesnt talk to me anymore and I think I may just have a strange fear of him leaving me..
funk-D haha you sound a little bit like him. I might just have to take a step back and realize this is simply the way it is?
I am a Baptist Christian. It had partial doing with me staying a virgin. The other half was I always just had this girlish dream that I would lose it on my wedding night. lol don't judge me
Yes we are simple creatures sex, food, and sex that's pretty much all we need. We don't read hints you say you're thirsty we get you water...we don't ponder why it is you're thirsty. Men real men are pretty much you see what you get. Like with me....you get a pudgy, black, bass playing, nerd....with an above average size penis.
I'm glad you were open to the advice. I was honestly expecting some negative reaction to calling you clingy. It could definitely be that fear deep down inside that makes you want him to show emotion. Maybe the issue at hand is more personal and something with you (ie an insecurity about people leaving you). I think first you need to see if that is the issue and try to fix that. When I was clingy, I was getting mad at my GF for not spending time with me or complaining she didn't care for me. Overtime, that killed the relationship/ her attraction to me. Looking back I realized I was clingy due to my own insecurities (realized what a pussy bitch I must have been too haha..). This video had some truths for me. [ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sa0RUmGTCYY]Esther Perel: The secret to desire in a long-term relationship - YouTube[/ame] I could be completely wrong about the whole situation but if not I hope this helps
Yeah... I'm sorrym Just break up with the poor dude. Find yourself then... and only then can you make sense of the life your living and might have lived. Seriously.
pingingpong - seriously thank you so much for investing time in my problems ahaha. And Im glad you understand, that seriously is helping me when you tell me that you think back and see how your clingyness pulled the relationship apart. I put on headphones and am going to watch the video right now. DreamHaze - actually I just asked him if we could spend a little time apart. Not broken up or anything just time without talking. I want to gain independence for both of our sake. I dont think at this point in our relationship though I am ready for it to be over.
I really recommend that you find some reading material on the 5 love languages! It's basically about figuring out how you best show and want to receive love and how to get on the same page with your partner if they have a different love language. I think it will really be beneficial to you for now and in the future. Anyway, I think everyone knows that you can't change someone BUT both partners should be willing to do whatever it takes to make the other one happy. I.e. He's made an attempt to be more affectionate because you asked him to do so. I understand that you felt it was forced which made you unhappy but guess what? He loves you so much that he went out of his comfort zone and did what you asked him to do. Now it's on you to appreciate the hell out of that man for doing what you asked of him! It's your problem now if you dont like the way he did what you asked. You really can't blame him now in my opinion. Also, realize that he is trying to be affectionate in the way that he knows how. You have to tweak your mind into saying, okay, he bought me flowers today. That's his way of showing me that he cares. No, he didn't hug me the way he used to hug me but that's okay. I still know that he cares. I would really hate for you to lose an awesome guy because of this whole thing.