Hey guys, first post here. Sorry if it's a little long. First off, I've nothing against weed in general. I smoke it, I smoked it all through high school, and I'm fine with other people smoking it. I wouldn't call myself a stoner as I frankly don't have the funds to buy weed often, but I appreciate the herb and will happily toke with friends. For some reason, I feel really weird about my boyfriend smoking it. We're freshmen in college, and he only started a few weeks ago when his flatmates were toking one night. I like his flatmates and I'm pretty good friends with all of them, and I was well aware that they smoked-we had conversations about it from time to time all of first semester. A part of me feels like the boyfriend felt left out of those conversations and wanted to experience what we were talking about. And hey, who'm I to stop him from having a good time, right? So when I got back from work the other day and he texted me that he'd been smoking with the flatmates, I immediately went to join them. When I get there, my boyfriend's pretty blazed and the guys are passing around a vape. They let me take a few hits right off the bat so I can catch up, and then I pass it to the bf. He takes a HUGE fucking hit, it's like he has iron lungs or something, and all the guys cheer him on. That was like the kind of shit I'd expect to see from one of my stoner friends-not from my drugs-and-booze-virgin of a boyfriend. I didn't really let it bother me that much (why should I, he was probably just trying to make a good first impression on his friends), and I just took the time to relax and joke around with the guys. That was some dank shit though, we're all fucked. Honestly after the fourth hit, I knew I was really done (I can't stop shaking, my vision is pulsing and my mouth is like a desert), but the boyfriend wanted to keep going. And let me tell you: he was already really goddamn high. Some of the things he said were so incredibly immature, it was appalling. And honestly kind of embarrassing, you know? He's a scrawny, nerdy kind of guy and his flatmates are burly, macho types, and he clearly could not keep his shit together. It got to the point where one of the other guys looked at me and said reassuringly, "Don't worry babe, we'll clean him up." And for the rest of the night, whenever the bf said anything ridiculous, the other guys would look at me sympathetically. Long story short, he passed out on the floor, I greened out and went home, and the next day when I visit him in the afternoon, he tells me he's still blazed. And that he loves it. And that he's going to do this all the time. He couldn't even function! He couldn't stand up and walk across the room to get some water, and he was saying shit about being able to fly if he sat in a higher place. And now he's telling me he's going to do this all the time? It's not his fault he has low tolerance because he'd never smoked before then, I guess. And I've been staying away from him when he smokes just because for some reason, I was really disgusted by the experience. I'm not going to tell him to stop, and I don't even know if I'm going to bring it up at all. I feel like it's too early to broach the subject. But this is a guy who's never bought me a meal or taken me out on dates (I work and he doesn't, so I try not to let that be an issue), nor does he ever really plan to spend time with me. And suddenly he's dropping money on weed? I don't want to sound like I'm disrespecting the herb here. Weed is worth spending money for. But I've been dating him for half a year now and thought he was just a really frugal guy because he didn't want to spend any money on me-clearly, he has money to spend. What can I do about this? Is this going to become a bigger issue further down the road? Has our relationship been fucked from the beginning since he seems to think it's okay not to make plans with me? I'm so conflicted. Any advice would be appreciated.
Sounds like he thinks he's king smoker now, he's obviously hyped about a change in his lifestyle, but he obviously hasn't got his priorities straight. Talk to him about it, say as nicely as possible something along the lines of "You can afford weed and time to smoke weed but not afford to take me on a date or spend time with me" (That was the short version, up to you on how you phrase that) maybe his hype will die down after a few smoke sessions who knows. Quite frankly if he doesn't change then he doesn't deserve you, in a relationship you don't choose an OBJECT over your gf/bf...simple logic. Anyway hope things work out for you - Ben
My guess is that he's experimenting and honestly enjoying the feeling he gets from smoking pot - like we all do. As people grow up and mature they experiment with all different kinds of things (I don't mean just drugs) to find his own niche in life; to discover who he is and then settle into whatever he decides is right for him. Let him be. He may or may not decide, over time, to continue but this is his deal and you're gonna drive him away if you're negative about it. Remember - it's just herb. It's not hard drugs. Let him play like he should be allowed to. It's new to him and he's enjoying it. He may decide to continue or he may not (over time) but it needs to be his decision and not yours. You folks are young and what he's doing is part of growing up - remember that. I have a daughter your age. When's a freshman in college as well going to school to become an RN. I grow herb at home and have my whole life. She's been to many, many Grateful Dead and related "hippy music" type shows with me so she's been exposed to herb her whole life, but never smoked - her own choice. She recently (several months ago) told me that she and her friend were smoking quite a bit - experimenting, just like your boyfriend. I told her to come to me if she wanted to bring some really good pot back to school with her lol. After a couple months of this she's pretty much decided, on her own that it really wasn't for her and now only smokes on a rare occasion - but she NEEDED to make the call on her own. Again, the "growing up" thing. So give him some time man. If he decides to continue then power to him. Tolerances go up fairly quickly so the whole "being totally stoned/fucked" thing will mellow out soon. Jeez I remember how stoned I used to get when I first started smoking! - but it's not like that anymore. When I burn these days it's very mellow. If he decides not to continue then that's cool to but let it all be his choice. It's just weed; it ISNT hard drugs. Good herb is a good thing. It's good to open your mind. You're both young so just be safe and get through it. And get good grades!! J
you're overthinking it. just let it be for now, let it play out. try and talk to him about it, and if worse comes to worst just end the relationship there before its too late. you're young, and so is he. fucking up is bound to happen no matter what. right now it seems like he just cares about hanging out with his roommates and getting high, you worry about you.
That gold advice right there but I believe you may have misunderstood the problem at hand. The lady and the guy have been going out for half a year, and he has never taken him out on a date, bought him a meal or even spent time with the lady. And yet now he has the time and money to smoke weed.
Wow that sounds like such an awkward time lol.. Since it was his first time smoking..you should probably give him a pass. Although it does sound like the guy is planning on becoming a huge stoner and you probably aren't gonna wanna deal with that, unless you are a huge stoner too.
Voice your concern, wait a few weeks to see if he acknowledges them. If he doesn't acknowledge your concerns and does nothing to change then dump him. Don't bother trying to change people. If he wants to become a super stoner let him, and move on.
Right on dude - I did see the slacker part but forgot - lol Lady, don't let ANY guy treat u like that - ie: no dates, meals, etc etc... If there's one thing I have a hard time with its slackers, especially since I have 3 teenage daughters myself. Trust me, if he's serious AT ALL - whatsoever about you then he'll take you out and treat you like a lady. If he isn't then move on, because the next guy will, and all women (or at least most? Lol) deserve to be treated like ladies, or at least some semblance of effort in that direction, but not a single meal or date is entirely unacceptable. Anyhow, good luck. J
Man tell your bf to visit me in colorado I'll get his tolerance up! I promise! Plus we are guys all about trying to get as high as possible and making a situation of just chatting and Toking to fucking around and toking talking about stupied shit and fucking around. He was just having good time in his limited state. But if he does not set aside sober fun time for you then he's messing up big time. Denver Co. Occupation: Budtender. IG: Nurse_Langley
Thanks for the advice (to all of you). I think when I made the topic yesterday, I was really miffed by the fact that he was still high after getting high as balls in the morning (it was about 10pm here when I posted). But after reading these responses, I think I'm beginning to understand that maybe the problem isn't the weed-I was just using it as a scapegoat so I could convince myself that the real problem wasn't the fact that he hasn't really been a very considerate boyfriend. The weed was basically just the tip of the iceberg. I really like my boyfriend and I enjoy nerding out with him and talking to him, but that's basically the kind of thing I got out of my friends from high school, so I guess what I have with him is really more of an FWB setup than a real relationship... I've definitely talked to him before about not going out on dates and he basically shut those conversations down by saying something along the lines of "I'm not a big fan of movies, I don't have a car, I'd rather not spend my money going out, and we prefer to spend our free time very differently." Which, in retrospect, is essentially a list of the shittiest excuses a guy can make for not wanting to take his girlfriend out on a date. I have no idea how I let that slide on multiple occasions. ...I think I have my answer now. I just don't know if it's worth confronting him about or if I should just break it off right now.
I would suggest you talk to him about the matter first and see where it goes, if he doesn't take what you said into consideration then you know what you have to do. Has he been hitting it? tell him this "No dates and affections towards you = No ass", I think you have been letting him of way too easy. And sometimes weed can turn the biggest jerks into even more bigger jerks so let just hope he is not like one of those individuals.
The best way to get past his rookie days as fast as possible is have smoke sessions with just you and your boyfriend. You guys will bond physically and mentally and he'll gain experience without being in the macho frat boy environment.
This. Get him super baked like 5 days in a row. Heavy bong sessions. It will fast forward through his crazy first highs stage. Also create a tolerance. Heavy bongage is my prescription Sent from my iPhone using Grasscity Forum
I think you should give him some space to discover himself and his relationship with weed. If he says he's hanging out with friends, your first thought shouldn't be to go hang out with him. Make sure he makes his jackassery with his friends and his relationship with you two different things because you will surely keep being disappointed if you keep doing what you're doing. Although, he should take you on dates, that fucker.
Maybe my idea should be more clear. I mean you should give him space to make mistakes and learn from them with his friends. He should have his own time for friends. I'm not saying you shouldn't smoke with him. He's a freshman in college, so if it wasn't weed making him look like a jackass, it'd be alcohol. He'll wise up over time with how he shouldn't act while smoking. Maybe he won't though because it's been six months and he hasn't taken you out on a date.
Your boyfriend sounds like a turd. Kick him to the curb and find a man not a child. Sent from somewhere in Canada.
Thanks everyone again! I brought it up gently ("Hey, I really don't mind you smoking but I'd prefer it if you didn't get so high that you can't hold a conversation or stand up") and at first he got extremely defensive and started accusing me of trying to keep him from doing something he enjoys, which is definitely not what I want to do. I asked him why he couldn't just dial it back, and he said he didn't "see the point in getting less high than that." Needless to say, I was pretty miffed, but since I didn't want to give him an ultimatum (me or the weed, dude bro), I just said, "You getting that high as frequently as you do is a dealbreaker for me, and it seems like my inability to deal with it is a dealbreaker for you. I don't want to keep you from doing what you want, and if you need to be too high to function to unwind or enjoy yourself, you can go ahead and do that. I'll just bow out graciously." At that point, he backtracked and said "I don't even really care about the weed, I'm just arguing with you on principle because it's like you're trying to control me." I was so irritated by this that I told him I wanted to take a break from him for a bit, and for the past few days he's been texting me apologetically and trying to win my affections again. I really like this guy when he's sober and I don't think he's purposefully been trying to snub me by not wanting to go on dates etc. I think he's genuinely just clueless (I should mention that this is his first relationship). For the most part, he's sweet and well-intentioned, he's just clumsy about relationships and has a short temper, both of which I think I can get used to. It's been tempting to just say "fuck it" and get back together with him. The issue is that I don't know how likely it is that this will resurface as a problem in the future. What do you guys think? Is it even remotely worth it to get used to his behavior or should I just move on?