May as well share this with you guys since I wont share it with anybody else. I'm not good at poetry. My writing is concise--straight and to the point. No frills. No room for interpretation. It is as deliberate as I yearn to be. Somewhere I feel this overwhelming notion cloud me. Just a hint, but its there. The nagging is constant. Most nights I can control it. But nights like this...I have to let it out. I've learned. When I'm in a good place, its here on this paper, or filling this small room with passionate symphonies But I can rarely find this place. This comforting whisper caressing my ear...it blows faint. I am lost in my own mind and I need escape. I want to break from the constraints of my subconscious, and feel. Touch. Be touched. How many times have I let this run its course? When did I find such comfort in this lonely existence? I didn't feel myself fall. I fear for my reemergence-- each time higher than before. Every time falling harder. Faster. With nothing to show. No scrapes or bruises ached. No intimacy. My mind is dense and random. Once pure, enlightened thoughts...now drenched in the treacherous beauty of melancholy. My creations inspire awe and pity. Woe to me, trapped by my own vow of secrecy. I want so much to tell you. I want so much to feel you over my skin. I want so much to know you. To feel you see me. To feel your understanding bewilderment. Please, tell me its going to be OK
It is never anymore ok than you choose for it to be... Vow or no vow .... who are you really hiding from... We each pave our own way thru the mess we find before us... or we go no where at all... And then there are those who just follow the footsteps of others... never getting anywhere but where they go.... Why do they follow one may ask.... So when they never get where they wanted to go.... They always have some one else to blame... Will it be ok...... Only when you choose to make it so.... Will you find your way.... As soon as you choose to get up and do so.... Btw-it is already ok......someone has simply convinced you otherwise.... That someone may be you... Lost....i live a life so lost i never know where....or when i may wake up next.... yet still i live it! As best i can each day.... each moment.... Fuck it..... to Hell with everything that may go wrong... i am not currently in those fucking moments... i am within this one right now.... and going to make the most if it.... and in that way... even when i wake up bruised and bloody on the floor... with no idea where i am or how i may have gotten there.... it is ok.... Because of what i will choose to make of it... Because i will continue to get up and keep on making the most i can if this mess.... Because of these things.... This mess is always ok.... I could always choose to lay round and cry about that shit... then of coarse.... Shit would only get worse....so..... Fuck that bulshit.....