I can't go on. Not like this.

I don't think I missed it but I sure as hell couldn't find it. It was very well written though, I haven't read something that long and been engaged in ages.

 

I just thoroughly enjoyed the style, I liked your technique. That's awful though, rumors are the worst. People that start shit like that are truly terrible people. I'm very sorry to hear that.

 

Sounds like you have depression which is really normal for someone of your age.. I would encourage you to research ways to deal with depression naturally and really commit yourself to following their suggestions. One of the best ways to get undepressed is to start working out-- so pick a hobby that involves exercise maybe!!

 

Hey bro its going to be ok , ill read your memoir shortly but this thread touches a place close to me and i want to tell you some shit ive learned recently before i get too specific.
I dont know why but im going to tell you a couple of things about myself that i dont normally tell anyone. ill be brief but it will give you the idea.

Im a 29 yr old australian guy, i spent my 24th and 25th year of my life with the absolute girl of my dreams. then i fucked up badly. I spent my 26th year seriously contemplating suicide.
I decided to move a new town and try to make something of what i had.
At the end of that year i broke my back. (Shit hey?)
After a year of physio i learned to walk again and even drive around!
Life never feels as sweet as when a major problem is resolved!

11 weeks ago now i was involved in a motor vehicle accident.
Ive broken my back again in 3 places this time.
And here i lie typing this to you.

Now heres my point.

I do feel sorry for myself (thats ok dont think its not)
I wish every second that it was all different.
I have pain constantly that i could only imagine before.
I feel like my life is surely over...

And then i google 'spinal cord injury' . It breaks my fucking heart there is some sad fucking shit out there,, and some super strong people.
And here i am lying in my queen size bed with my computer smoking a joint and drinking a great cup of coffee, hardly seems fair.
So im one of the lucky ones.

And right now thats how i deal in the hardest time of my life.

Depression took me to some very dark places
but ive worked hard and now i find myself just smashing it.

You only get one ride on this motherfucker and its gonna end all by itself eventually so stick around and see what comes along.

And mate , you got a few people who care what you do right here.
Dont underestimate this place for a good social outlet.
Also i know we are on a site all for the ganja but if your feeling it might be dragging you down more than helping you maybe have a look at how much your using for a while.

Pm me if you like im always up for a chat.
Oz

 

Obviosuly someone cares for you if you can not work or go to school. Someone has to be supporting you right?
ou sit in your room on a computer and still survive.

So, weve established that you have shelter, a computer, and someone who cares about you.

If kentucky really sucks thay bad, why dont you move dude, youre 18, and youre not stuck there.
Man up, get a job, you dont need previous experience to flip some burgers. Restaurants are a good way to get a steady paycheck. Make something of yourself, but youve gotta start somewhere.

but if you just go around pitying yourself and hiding out in your room, well, you might as well just get a world of warcraft account and say goodbye to reality...

allthough, night elfs are preeeety cool dude.

 

I agree that you write well. The style seems like a very readable story but also i can feel the truth too.

The funny thing i thought at the end of this was that i get them paranoid thoughts too. I think everyone does.

I even got paranoid once i finished that you are just a budding writer getting into your stories character to get some feedback off of us!

I believe you though, you been through alot but you sound like someone id get along with. In my opinion, your parents avoided confronting your problems and sent you off to Nortons every time you caused a small disturbance.

The girl situation sucked, but Erika sounded like she was probably very fragile at that point, and despite clicking she just wanted someone special like you to fill her loniliness, and hung up on a shit ex boyfriend, another situation i can relate to.

Hope everyone in this thread is makng you really think. I agree with the exercise thing too. Even like a 2 mile run just willing yourself on will clear your head. Dont lock yourself in your room, it becomes a spiral which i can tell you are already in.

 

Dude get out and live a little. All this time you spend sitting around bitching and moaning about your terrible life you could be outside making friends, going for a walk, going to the park, do something. There's thousands of people out tere who have it so much worse. Get over your self pity and move on with your life.

 

Before the hate starts. This guy is either someone who is genuinely in a very hard place in his life OR quite a good young writer with some interesting ideas and I think some experiences with phsycosis, if not personally brother father maybe?

Either way O.P keep it up, I don't think there can ever be too much awareness regarding mental illness.

If this really is you, I hope you find a new light in every day.

If not, I hope the people reading this are realizing your not alone.

Even among a pack of Internet stoners theres always plenty who do care
Oz

 

You just described 90% of the worlds population to me. Don't beat yourself up. Most people never realize this because they get wasted every weekend to numb their unhappiness.

figure out something you would like to offer to the world and do it well

 

I have read this entire thread and every comment and I have to say that gc never fails to amaze me with the most open minded and intellectual people I have come across. Your story is sad OP but nothing new, many people literally have to live each day hoping to make it the next. They don't complain instead they give it their all to see the next sun rise. Fight on op and never let anything hold you back. I send my love out to you bro and hope all is well soon

 

Get some anti depressants?

 

I know how you feel man. It's an on going battle, you just gotta look at both side's of the spectrum. Your mind creates this illusion that everything is bland and nonchalant. Try a little reverse psychology on yourself and look at how complex life is, and how lucky you are at this very moment to be pondering those questions. It's brought me a little peace.

 

Dude! Rep+ for you sig. When ever I feel down, I feel exactly the same and this is all I listen to:


[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tkJNyQfAprY]Pink Floyd The Wall - Pink Floyd - Comfortably Numb - YouTube[/ame]

Never give up man. YOU have won the lottery of life just by being born. Do you know how many sperm cells want to reach the ovary? Millions upon millions. And YOU became. You won, consider yourself lucky.

The moment you give up, you die as a human being.

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.


P.S. Travel. If you decide to visit Peru, I'll be glad to smoke with you, discuss some Floyd and other stuff