I can never smoke weed again (informative, please read, thanks)

This is NOT about having a bad experience on weed. I smoked thousands of times, and I NEVER had a 'bad experience' the way most of these types of forums are about.

So, I'm 23 years old, and I suffer from manic depression. I suffered a long long long time from manic depression (about 3 years, without knowing what was wrong with me, or being treated) that I got REALLY manic, and suffered what is called a psychotic break. That is, I broke from reality completely, was completely consumed in a hallucinatory state. I returned to normality again after a couple of days, although I had to spend 25 days in a hospital. However, about the third time I smoked when I was back home and fine again 'the messages', which were concurrent with my hallucinations, returned. So basically (I know it's just lovely) whenever I smoke now (which would practically be suicide) I get these 'messages' again that tell me all sorts of great, inspiring things like 'kill your mom' and 'we are watching you and will kill you if you say anything about us'.

Like most of the people here, weed was completely and totally the material love of my life. I have a very abstract mind and am a very serious, acclaimed songwriter and it was an absolutely integral part of my creative process (writing lyrics especially), like it is with most songwriters (hmmm). Pretty much all of my 'favorite' music revolves around psychedelia or weed based inspiration. It's absolute torture. It's turly horrific, and I'm really understating it by a thousand times. I think about weed almost on a constant every day (I know it's sad, but I can't help it.) What would've happened if Bob Marley couldn't ever smoke weed again? That's how I feel. I'm not comparing myself to him, but make no mistake, I am very good, and it meant that much to me. It always relieved the tension I feel so completely, and allowed me to express myself with amazing clarity and freedom.

What I have to say to the users on this website is to be wary, meaning if you are on a constant high (like an upper high) you may likely have manic depression. If you don't treat your manic depression, you could have a psychotic break, and you may have to take horrible meds called antipsychotics, and never smoke weed again for the rest of your life (like me). It is a horrible price to pay, one of the worst, and I can safely say, I will never get over it. I'm not really looking for encouragement or like "weed's not everything in life, dude." Isn't that a little disingenuous? I mean I can NEVER smoke again, and you're on a weed forum, so don't give me that BS. I'm here to tell people that weed can exacerbate your manic depression, like it did mine, and to really watch out for that. The consequences could be dire. Sorry if I'm a downer, but hey, you can still smoke. I can't. That's the real downer. Much love to everyone.

 

I appreciate it man. It's just I can't smoke it all anymore. Like I said, it would be practically suicidal. I'd have 'messages' hounding me for months, it's really unbelievable, and hard to describe. I'm not schizophrenic, I've been to many doctors, none of them have said that, this is just a result of a psychotic break I had as a result of a few years of untreated manic depression. Thanks for your sympathy, it is ******** terrible.

 

Yeah, why not? It's like I said to this other dude. This is the last and only thing I can honestly post on here about weed, maybe I could help somebody. I mean I can't smoke ever again in my life, and you're telling me "3 threads, dude, really?". Gimme a break, man.

 

Thank you, my friend, for the sympathy and positive comments. Hopefully I will be able to toke again some day, supposedly the chemicals that instigate these sort of schizophrenic symptoms dissipate in your brain as you get older, but it will not be for a very very long time. Best wishes to you as well man, I'd say stay away from the psychedelic stuff for good, just to be safe.

 

I said I wasn't looking for sympathy or encouragement but the positive comments are helpful. I mean just imagine yourself in my position, it's just totally fucked. Best wishes to all you guys, know yourselves, especially if you have a mental illness, maybe do a little research on it, and you'll be alright.

 

Yeah, it would be impossible man. I think they'd all pretty universally induce them anyways. Thanks for your sympathy though bro, very much appreciated.

 

Yeah, I'm sure you're real fucking sorry to hear about it man, when all you have to say is "3 threads, really?" Fuck off, dude. Try never smoking weed again and tell me how fucking sorry you are about it. You can ban me from Grasscity, like I give a fuck, what use do I have for it anymore? Maybe my post can help somebody out, and you can continue to be a petty toolbag. I've lost my music, and my beautiful girlfriend over this shit. Yeah, I'm pissed, I wonder what would help out with that? I've been sober for 9 months with this reality hanging over my head like a black cloud, try and see how you'd manage it.

 

Yeah. It's some strange & scary shit man. I have some convincing theories but they're too incredible to post. It's irrelevant. All I'd like to do is just spread the word on manic depression and how this can happen. I'm not saying anything bad about weed, other than it can exacerbate your mania, if you're bipolar. Some guy said "You don't have bipolar, you have schizophrenia." Really dude. Really. Really? I've talked to a hundred doctors and social workers about my condition, and you're going to tell me what I have? You're going to diagnose me now? Not one of them has said I have schizophrenia, or schizoaffective. What I have are delusions precipitated by a manic mental breakdown. That is it, it could happen to pretty much anyone with a severe case of Bipolar (Manic Depression) like mine.

 

Seriously? Did you read anything I said? Simply because it never fucked with me EVER before I had a mental breakdown. Actually, it was my bread and butter. I loved it, and always will, even though I can't have it anymore. A mental breakdown messes with the chemical balances in your brain. A mental breakdown struck a chemical imbalance in MY brain which resulted in me being unable to smoke, after many years of smoking, and ALWAYS enjoying it. I love all these potheads telling me "Weed isn't everything in life" as they take bong hit. And I have a firm grip on reality, thanks. And if you're taking a shot at me by saying gotta keep moving, they're watching, then you're wrong again. I'm not schizoid, I'm bipolar. Mania leads to psychotic breaks, look it up.

 

Haha, I really appreciate it my friend. I mean it's pretty torturous for me honestly dude on this site, though I am constantly around friends and a particular sibling who are major pothead(s), which is a lot lot worse. I don't hold it against them at all, of course, that would be totally hypocritical, but it's incredibly difficult. One of the worst things about it is that I was very productive (artistically) when I smoked, and most people I know that smoke basically do nothing at all substantive when they're high. I do get pretty bitter about that. But not to make it about me being better than anyone or anything like that, it's just the enjoyment of toking up. Plain & simple. Impossible to replace.

 

Hey I'm an honest person, it's nice to have understanding from smart, caring people like Ruza and Estoophant. I really appreciate it, and so would you. I think you're real cynical to call it "a pity party", I'd call it compassion or empathy "Smokey", as it would suck beyond imagination for you as well "Smokey". Give me a break, man. I bet you could swim in your own tears if you weren't able to smoke anymore. A bit hypocritical? You don't know what it's like to be in my shoes. And the "pity part" is not what I came here for, I wanted to give people my story, and tell them to do a little research on bipolar, supposedly one out 11 or 12 people have it, and weed can exacerbate symptoms or mania or depression and lead to a psychotic break, which is the reason I can't smoke, and trust me, you really do not want that to happen to you.