How To Burn Cruise

DON'T. That's the first thing you gotta' understand. It's risky and dangerous and really isn't worth it... that is, if you aren't careful. The prospect of burn cruising is a terrifying concept to most young smokers who don't have a good spot to smoke other than their car. And rather than to fan the fears of police and intolerance, I'm doing what I can to help you guys out. There's stuff you got to take into account when burning and there's a definite process and thought put into it. You can't start by getting three of your buddies into the car and just tokin'. Nope. You gotta' be smart.

Tips and Tricks

Cruise during times of the day when you are usually on the road or at least know how traffic is.

This is highly important, and you probably don't even notice it. During what times of the day are you usually on the roads and what roads do you take and pass? Where do you see the cops usually sitting and waiting to bust you for speeding?

Know the traffic flow of the area and stick to the area you know the best. Know the flow of the traffic during your time and take into account the amount of people you are passing. By doing this and keeping a general watch of the problem areas and times while you are out and about, you'll gain an understanding of just when's the best spot to toke, when you're the safest, and on during what days. Keep in mind, this is a week or two long process, so if you've never paid attention to shit like this, do it now. Keep the general time frames consistent for the safest bet.

KNOW YOUR ABILITY TO DRIVE STONED

Some people can't drive stoned. Recognize this. If you think you are one of these people, than you probably are. Don't try it. If you're stupid enough to do it, do it at a small confined route and take a few hits. But really, if you're the kind that gets too fucked up to do anything stoned, DON'T GET BEHIND THE WHEEL.

Common sense

NEVER HOTBOX WHILE MOBILE. EVER. It's risky and dumb. Keep the windows down when cruising. You never want to be in a situation where pulling up into Wendy's, you open the door and a huge cloud of reefer smoke walks in and orders two double cheeseburgers.

ALWAYS KEEP A STONER SURVIVAL KIT IN YOUR CAR! More on that, later!

Know your crew and keep it small

Know the person you are cruising with. DO NOT TAKE A TWEAKER. THEY WILL BE NO BETTER INSIDE A CAR DRIVING THAN THEY ARE FREAKING OUT IN YOUR BASEMENT ON A SATURDAY NIGHT.

Take someone that can keep their cool and relaxes on the herb instead of getting all obnoxious and loud. A paranoid tweaker RUINS the mood every time, don't even bother with your friends if they're like that.

And keep it small, the party, ideally only two people. The only time people should be able to see you hitting a bowl is when you actually hit it, and in my experience, two people smoke a bowl slower and with more time where the bowl is hidden and put away between puffs than four. Everytime you hit the bowl, realize that other people can see it. You want sporadic hits and someone who will be careful to check their danger zones and possible lines of sight with every hit. You introduce more people into the crew, more variables get introduced.

Keep your crew confined to a small number and know that should the 5-0 swing by to pay you a visit, all of these people can keep their cool.

KNOW YOUR RIGHTS

There are tons of great videos out there that can teach you how to avoid searches without a probable cause, they're really easy to find so go get them yourselves, you lazy fucks, do I have to do all the work?

A popular detracting opinion of these videos say that doing these actions, such as saying no to a search without any probable cause, is an automatic red-hot alert button with the fuzz, and I gotta' agree, you're damn well right.

HOWEVER, keep in mind, the view of the Founding Fathers has not been completely fucked yet. There are legal issues in mind that do protect us, and these rights things are them. KEEP YOURSELF EDUCATED and safe, KNOWLEDGE IS POWER and you gotta' know how to protect yourself should the dreaded po-po swing by.

You are NOT automatically getting pulled over for smoking pot

Don't assume that you're getting busted should you be pulled over.

You get busted, bust out your can of body spray (as a part of the STONER SURVIVAL KIT discussed later), spray yourself down, HIDE THE BUD OUT OF THE LINE OF SIGHT OF THE OFFICER AND DON'T FORGET THAT BOWL, and refresh the past few seconds in your head. Blow a red light? Stop sign? Speeding? Your crew comes in here to help you out and try to think of what just happened. DON'T ASSUME YOU'RE GETTING BUSTED FOR POT, because THAT JUST MAKES IT WORSE AND YOU MORE PARANOID.

After the KNOWLEDGE you gained from watching those videos about your RIGHTS, you should understand what you need to do to save yourself if it is just a minor violation. Probable cause is key. Keep that in mind.

Suburbs are KEY

Now that you know your general area, look deeper into the surrounding roads and hunt for the suburban areas, away from heavily patrolled cop routes. I'd say it's a generally safe assumption that if your possible burn route area is near any boulevard or highly populated retail or commercial center, the back roads are the place to be. This is how it is in my area, and the majority of these accidents and cop pull-overs are more likely to be on the main roads. Don't toke on main roads unless you're confident that the time frame research you've already done will keep you safe. And realize even then, that's a huge risk.

You know the safe area and times now, you're almost there. You know that suburbs and residential areas are a safe bet, but you want these places to be ideally situated near interstate exits or near highways just in case you feel something going on and you need an escape. Be it an actual close encounter where you attempt to drive from the cops HIGHLY NOT RECOMMENDED, I'M JUST SAYING, I HOPE AFTER READING ALL THIS SHIT THAT YOU WON'T DO THAT, BUT WHATEVER or just an actual tweak-out, you're good. Know the routes and escape areas.

KEEP THE ROUTE THE SAME!

You found a stretch of roads and a route you can take that you feel safe on. Practice that route. Smoke on that route, not a lot, but smoke on it. See how you drive when stoned on that route. Notice foot traffic and keep in mind your line of sight and whether or not the passer bys have a good look at you. If you don't feel the route is safe driving when you're stoned, fuck it.

I've been driving the same route for the past two years at least once a week or so when smoking. I do it at usually the same time when I cruise, so I know the time traffic of the area and what to avoid and what not to avoid and I've not had a single close call, knock on wood.

Practice the route you're on and if you even feel remotely uncomfortable with anything, be it foot traffic or possible cop hiding spots, either do more time traffic research or find a new spot.

KEEP IN MIND WHAT YOU LOOK AND SOUND LIKE TO THE OTHER CARS

This is an important, but slightly controversial point I'd like to preach. Racial profiling and snap judging of people are done by the cops every day.

Do not blast some rap about weed full volume while you drive.

In fact, maybe avoiding rap would be best.

It's a sad fact of the world that racism and stereotyping exist. If you don't look like a stoner, you're probably safe.

Keep in mind what you look like and sound like to the other cars. You look like some people going somewhere, you're good. Don't look high, as hard as that may seem, and don't concern yourself about worrying if you look high or not. It's wacky, I know, and very zen, but the more paranoia you introduce while cruising is all the riskier for you. You don't want to get paranoid while driving because then you get nervous, you make mistakes, etc etc.

THE STONER SURVIVAL KIT: WHAT EVERY STONER NEEDS TO SURVIVE

Rohto Vs

Arguably the best eye drops on the market. Expensive, but worth it, as the drops get your eyes whiter than they should be. These should be in BEFORE EVERY BURN CRUISE SESSION. Don't do eye drops while driving. DURH.

Body Spray

This is perfect. AXE has smaller bullet sized sprays for when you're smoking on the go and can't carry a full can. I always have some body spray in my car for any emergency. It's a fairly fool-proof shield combined with the Rohtos. Some people dislike the spray of AXE, but it's easier to find an excuse for having that in the car as opposed to Febreeze.

SMALL amount of bud

DO NOT CARRY MORE THAN YOU FEEL COMFORTABLE SWALLOWING, I MEAN, JUST IN CASE.

Obviously. This is another last ditch effort for protection. Be safe, don't take more than you plan on smoking, and keep it small and keep it contained with one pipe.

Spare change

For any lighter emergency where everyone comes without any flame to a last minute decision to grub like a mad man on some Taco Bell, you need spare change because the uses are endless. Need papers? There you go. Need an extra few cents for a burger? There you fuckin' go man!

Munchies

Keep a bag of chips or candy in the trunk for when the change runs low. Just make sure you don't hit it unless you need it.

Is that it? Am I finished? I'm coming down and the thoughts are slowing to a crawl. Oh well. I hope this helped allay some of the fears the newbies might have about burning and cruising. It's NOT 100% SAFE, IT NEVER IS, YOU GOTTA' REALIZE THAT, but as long as you're smart about it, you're in a lot better position than Joe Stoner who just decided on a whim to burn a joint on a cruise when he usually smokes indoors.

DISCLAIMER: I am not a law student and know jack shit about rights. However, I have belief enough in the system that should an unlawful arrest be made due to an officer violating those rights that the system would come in save us. Am I optimistic? Maybe...

 

Hah, that's some advanced shit right there, that whole thinking of "Who would be stupid enough to think two stoners are cruising right by a police station smoking a bowl".

We don't want to introduce too many difficult concepts early, now.

 

Glad you said that about AXE, I agree to a point, but it's a lot less suspicious to have AXE in your car as opposed to Febreeze.

 

If I had written this sober I'd remember the cigarettes, hah!

But, yeah, this was done just as a time-waster before class. I always got tired of seeing people be like "OMG DON'T DO IT" when the burn cruise topics came up, and I felt bad for all the kids that didn't have a choice as to where they did it. Instead of making them scared, I want to help them out and share the stoner love.