Hello Blades, I have come to open up about my life as of recent. On August 8th, 2012, my mother passed away from Cancer. It wasn't a specific Cancer because she has had it in numerous cases throughout her life, & it spread quickly after it was removed. I remember her coming home from work the night before & I was so happy to see her home for some reason, even though I saw her every day. I remember she made dinner that night & it was delicious. The aroma that rose from the oven still remains in the back of my mind to this day. I remember it was late & she had to get up for work early in the morning so after dinner I told her goodnight, & retired to my room for a smoke/gaming session & then went to bed like any other summer night. When I woke up the next morning, she had already left for work. That day was like any other day. Smoke, Skate, go home & eat, smoke some more, have friends over. I had 3 of my homies over & we was smoking when my grandparents called & told me my mom was at the hospital. Being stoned as hell I was rather confused & decided to shower. In the shower my mind raced into 27427236100 different possible directions. It seemed like it took forever just to get into the hospital, & once we got there, we had to wait in a room, which took even longer. Finally, the doctor came in & we took the news. The night that she was gone seemed like the longest night of my entire life. I got home & laid down in the dark, didn't sleep at all & laid there for a good while. I thought about what had happened & it still hadn't processed in my mind yet. I was still thinking that she was bound to open the door & ask why I was laying in the dark at 9pm. The funeral & everything leading up to it was horrible, but I felt a little better when a family member gave me a couple spliffs. I remember the couple days after smoking up all my bud & just thinking. Thinking that I'd walk downstairs & see her pouncing around in the living room with the dog or fixing a computer. Or see her cleaning resin & watching TV. but I would walk downstairs, & there would be a chilling stillness in the air. Almost bone chilling.
I can still tell you the details of my father's hospital bedroom where he died in 1987. It never goes away man. My condolences. But you'll get through it, your mom would want you to live on and enjoy life.
That brings tears to my eyes. It must be just about the worst feeling. Be strong and live your life in a way that would make her proud.
I'm going through some rough shit right now so this made my night a whole lot less stressful, my mom is fighting cancer right now but literally after I sparked a bong she started to throw up. She just got out of the hospital from ammonia like a week or so ago and idk if its back or something new but it makes me worried. I lost my brother in 2010 without saying goodbye so every other day I'm on good terms with my mom and let her know that I love her. She's already given me the "if I'm gone..." speech and I'll always have the memories my family gave me. But right now she's still alive, so I'm happy for that. It's just eerie to go through life when death's always around the corner and to see all the terrible things that happen (hair falling out from chemo and etc). I just hope she feels better, it may be something small or because she hasn't been used to eating much but if its really bad she can go to the hospital tonight or tomorrow morning. You got to enjoy the time you did with her and she made you who you are today. Moments over minutes, but I feel your pain OP I hope you live a happy full filling life. Over time your feelings won't change, I still feel my brother everywhere I go and I'm not huge into religion. The thing that did change for me since 2010 is instead of wanting a chance to say goodbye, I'd just say how thankful I am to have had them in my life and that I'll love them forever. Sorry about venting on the thread a little bit but I wish you the best buddy, there's people out there that feel ya.
I know where your coming from man. That first night is so hard to process what just happened. My dad got sick and he couldn't call us up if he needed help so he'd blow a whistle if he needed us. The week after he died I kept hearing the whistle in my head. My condolences OP
Yeah dude that shit sucks. My brother and I found my dad dead on my bedroom floor when I was 8. We laughed at him because we thought he was sleeping on the floor. It's pretty fucked up. The last words I said to him were "goodnight dad, I love you." I was laying on the floor in the living room eating a mr. goodbar. I'll never forget that shit.