So here's the deal. I've been, let's say, emotionally numb for about two years ever since my first real gf left me (though the numbness part isn't all because of her, let's say there were unforseen familial difficulties). Now, after her, whenever i went out with someone, it was either fear of screwing up or fear of measuring up the next person to my ex, and, even though I knew I shouldn't be thinking of stuff like that, I never managed to get it out of my head. I know women shouldn't be looked at as the ying to my sexual yang, but my hormonal impulses are so strong, that it makes me overlook this analysis and then that makes me paranoid that the significant other might develop feelings or vice-versa. The thing is, i'd like to know how to start a superficial relationship, while not being exactly superficial, or atleast know how to look at a woman as a person and not an interest. Technically speaking, sex is the basking robins of life, and every new person is a different flavor, yet at the same time, one would like to feel safe in having a significant other. It's a hell of a conundrum to try to invoke in the realm of love and sexuality. See, I'm the type of person who'd like to keep it real with everyone, but I see that whenever I try to "keep it real", that infatuates people, and when I try to flirt, I screwball myself off a cliff. I don't know, I mean, I know somewhat how to act, it's just keeping impulses in, because in the long run, chances are people are just as horny everywhere, but a thing like a sexual life takes some intimacy, right? Such as, you meet a significant other, all I think about is ripping her clothes off and making her feel (sexually) satisfied, while still having fun (flirtatious, imaginative, unpredictable) and bringing non-sexual angles which seem to spruce up the relationship. I feel like i'm destined to pretend that every person i'll encounter will be '"the one" when it's really only the desire for that to be so, and I still cant get that concept out of my head. It doesn't even let me enjoy my self at other times (Non related to relationship problems). Any help loosening these knots?
I think you just gotta find a girl that matches the same mindset as you do when it comes to intimacy. I realize that I need hot passionate awesome sex in order to be happy in a relationship. You just gotta stop thinking to much into every person you meet. Just let reality take its course. If it works awesome, if it doesn't then life goes on and you are just that much stronger because of it. I hope I helped, if not I apologise and smoke on!
you use too many words, most animals can do this without using words. You're thinking too hard about it because you're all excited about getting what you want. it's really not about you but is more about the experience of getting closer to someone who isn't you. That requires subverting every concept of delusional romance and replacing it with more natural and relaxed emotions that don't displace you from the present moment.
You need to focus on you and figure out some of the triggers for the numbness....it seems you know the situations (ie: family stuff, break ups) but the numbness is about something deeper that manifests itself as the numbness. I know for me I was able to do some this exploration through getting into writing/journaling. it helped me to recognize my lack of emotion and the scenarios where i was likely to shut down emotionally. you may decide to go the therapist route or some other way but here's hoping you can work through this.
You are thinking way too hard right now. Be confident and funny and treat her with respect and you're back on the saddle.