You guys probably opened this thread thinking I'm asking how to tell my father that I smoke herb. But not today, this is a different issue; I'm 18, and live with my father, and still go to school. Strangely enough, he expects me to be home by a certain time, and all that shit. And it's hard to not obey him, because I've had no choice but to obey his rules (to an extent), since I was small. So how do I go about telling him/ making him accept that I'm adult and I shouldn't be told when to come home, if I choose to come home at all? It's bullshit! Cuz at the same time, I also don't pay rent to him, and he doesn't HAVE to house me- he could kick me out if he was cold enough. Help?
Its very easy to make him accept that you will now do what you want. Use these following words: "Hey Dad, I got my own place, I am moving out. Thanks for supporting me all of these years, and since I totally respect you, but need a little more freedom, I am going to move out to my own place." That would do the trick nicely.
well being a teenager i can understand your trouble very well but try to understand your father he cares for you , just talk to him politely that you are not a child anymore and let him to give you the freedom that you requires ! I know he ll definitely understands you !
Alright, but that leaves me in a position where I don't actually have my own place. And if I told that to my father, he wouldn't be against it, if i had a job. I DO plan on moving out as soon as i get a job. But I'm broke.
Well seriously then, if he is not someone you can sit down with and have a conversation, make your feelings known, and in return he respects your feelings and you guys come to an understanding, then you have no choice but to respect his rules, or break them, and deal with whatever comes with breaking them, or move out. Not the best of options, but I am not sure what else you are looking for. You may think that when you have kids and they turn 18, that you will let them do whatever they want if they still live with you, but when you actually get to that point in life, you will find that you were totally wrong in your thinking. My son is 20, and in college. When he comes home, he is free to live his life the way he wants, but since he still lives here, he DOES have to follow our rules. I do not give him a curfew, but expect a call or a txt to check in and let us know he is ok, or if he is not coming home that night. Not as strict as your Dad but still our rules and we expect him to follow them. He is not free to come stumbling in the house all fucked up (He is a college pitcher though, so he doesn't partake in drugs, and does very little drinking, so its not something we have had to worry about) He is not free to have sex in our house (More his mothers rule than mine), he does have rules, and we expect him to follow them. But think about it for a moment. You are 18, you are broke, and you live at home. None of that is meant to be an insult, just stating facts you have admitted to. And yet, you want your dad to let you come and go as you please. This doesn't sound too nice, but maybe you should concentrate more on getting to college, or getting a job and start to plan your adult life, instead of wanting to be able to go out all night, come and go as you please, and still live like a teenager with no responsibilities. I know that sounds rough, but thats the reality of it all. I am sure if you had your life in a bit more order, your dad would be more willing to let you do what you want. Good Luck to you. Peace.
As a father, I can tell you that no matter how old your children are, you never stop caring or worrying about them. I don't want my kids out till who knows when, with us staying up wondering where they are. It's not even about trust, it's about concern. I also don't want people coming and going at all hours of the night. My wife and I don't do that and I don't expect my kids to either. If my girls have something special they want to do and it involves staying out later than usual, they come to us about it and we usually let them go, so you might try that, but as far as coming and going whenever they want, sorry. We're not running a hotel here.
Thanks guys, it was good to get a prospective from someone who is a father. I think I'm gonna try talking to him about some of the things you guys have stated. Hopefully all goes well. thanks!
pops!?!? wobbles, be careful when dealing with poppa wobbles. just ask if he thinks you could stay out an extra hour or so.
Sorry dude but hes putting a roof over your head and paying your way. You can try and talk to him about it but in the end its his house his rules. Want a guaranteed solution, get a job and either pay rent or move out. If that's not an option just have a chat with him, explain that you feel you have reached the age where you can make your own decisions when it comes to curfew etc. And remember your parents dont see you as an adult, you will always be a kid in their eyes. Im 24 and my mom still treats me like a child on occasion.
BadAxe and Mr Natural said it very well. The bottom line is to be aware of others feelings and comfort. I wakeup when I hear any out of place noises. I had to curtail my adult daughter from her late night adventures. At first she was upset and angry after all she was (then) 23 and had a daughter. I had no business telling her when she could come and go. After a short explaination and an offer to help her pack, she began to understand how important it is to respect others comfort and to start looking at the big picture.
You do realize that you've made a case AGAINST yourself here, don't you? You're still going to school, you live with your dad, you don't pay rent, you don't have a job and he isn't kicking you out. So, why not in return the favor and respect his rules? Is that really too much to ask? It seems to me that you are still a very dependent teenager, not an independent adult. Independent adults get to do as they please, whereas dependent teenagers should have set rules and guidelines to follow. It's how things work. So, I'm trying to figure out where all the "bullshit" comes into play?
Good luck mango. Your pops sounds like a stand up guy even if he is a little strict. It's a lot better than if he didn't give fuck and someday, you'll appreciate that quality in him.
I guess you could say I'm simply ranting. I've been pretty independent since my mom left when I was 13, so I've never really enjoyed the rules my father set, and now that I'm 18, I am looking for a way out, and I guess in the long run I'm more mad at myself, then him (for not having my shit together). But I understand exactly what you're saying CurtChronic, because you're right, i don't pay rent, and he pays for the house that i sleep in at night. MisterNatural is also right, my father is a really chill guy (as a person), when me and him are on good terms. We will hang around and shoot shit together. I just need to start working on another job, cuz since i lost my last job (at the local pizza shop), I've been really lazy on getting back out there And Kushguy, you better be fucking ready! Cuz when I'm out, we're gonna raise hell together!
I told my mom , " look bitch, I'll do what ever the fuck I want" she listened. sometimes you gadda lay the law down.
Haha at 18 if I said that my dad would have beat the living shit out of me while my mom packed my stuff. I would then be homeless. Great advice though.