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How do I approach this?

Discussion in 'Sex, Love & Relationships' started by BluntCruisin, Jul 28, 2013.

  1. #1 BluntCruisin, Jul 28, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 28, 2013
    K so long story short, been dating this girl a few months now. I know it hasn't been long, but we get along great and I love everything about her - personality, body, looks, sense of humor, music...well, almost everything about her.
     
    So, as anyone on here knows, things eventually get frisky. People get horny. We have been enjoying ourselves ever since the relationship started. However, due to some horrible things that happened in her past (taken advantage of), she was a bit reluctant at first when things got hot and heavy but she quickly got over it.
     
    In my opinion, we have a good balance between sex and romance. We're both always horny and aren't afraid to vocalize it, but we also both enjoy the simpler, more casual side of a relationship as well.
     
    Here's where the problem comes in...
     
    Things eventually, more recently, have escalated to oral sex (before, it was just hand stuff). I had never ate out a girl before and when I told her that, she got very aroused and so did I so the past couple times she's been over, I've been doing it. She gets very into it, and I know for a fact I have made her orgasm before which is reassuring.
     
    However, today we were essentially sexting and she was telling me things I can do to make it feel better for her... (more clitoral stimulation, Gspot, etc, things I already was aware of)
     
    Then, she asked what she can do to make things feel better for me. I said I had lately been fantasizing about her getting me off orally (blowjob). She then said she doesn't think that is likely to happen. Feeling annoyed but remembering it is ultimately her decision, I asked her why because I had eaten her out multiple times before in the past and didn't worry about her end of the reciprocation. She then said it was related to her past and that if I really like it so much I can go find someone else to do it.
     
    Obviously, this pissed me the hell off. I asked her if she really thinks I'm that big of a douchebag who would cheat if he can't get a fucking blowjob for the things I had done for her. She then apologized and said her feelings were hurt and that was why she spazzed out...I just don't understand why she would say it's her past if we have done everything else. I just really don't know what to do. Part of me thinks I am in the right. Then, I told her I wouldn't be eating her out anymore if she couldn't return the favor and give me the same pleasure I give her. This really annoyed her.
     
    In the past, she had always agreed on mutual sexual things - meaning if she got off, I would get off in some way, and vice versa. It's just frustrating to me that after all this waiting she just straight up said no and acted so irrationally. However, at the same time I know her past trauma may hold some weight. Some of my friends say to stick it out, and that she will do it if I have patience. My other friends say leave her because she's selfish. I don't wanna leave her, because up until this point recently we had never had trouble before in the past with this kind of stuff. What do I do GC?
     
    All opinions appreciated, keep the smartass comments to yourself.

     
  2. Me personally I couldn't be with a girl who won't return the favor to me, if it was some random girl it wouldn't bother me, but someone who I obviously would spend a lot of time with and care for, it would hurt me and turn me off. I have a strong sense of balance/symmetry, if its off I'm really disturbed lol. It sound like you tried to communicate that you have needs and she didn't even budge. If you can live without the oral, you should stay, but I forsee if she can't do this simple act, other problems might arise. How old is she anyway?
     
  3. stop eating her out... shes hooked now
     
  4.  
    she's 18, i'm 19. I will be seeing her in a few hours so I'm gonna bring it up casually. After texting her for a bit she said there is a stronger reason and she'll tell me that later. If that's the case, then I'm sure it will all work out. However, I'm just frustrated she would so bluntly just say no, and then be baffled why I don't want to continue it. LOL
     
  5. Awww shit. I remember when i was just a little virgin. Beggin girls to suck on my wee-wee.
     
    For real tho i wouldn't break up with a chick for that. A lot of girls won't suck your dick when you first start dating. Or they'll be like "um i don't suck dick period" but if you stay with them eventually they will suck it. Some girls love sucking dick and will suck you off if you just smile at them.
     
    Some girls think its gross and degrading and don't wanna do it for a guy who could just up and leave as soon as shes done.
     
    IF i was you i wouldn't dump her. But just let her know that until you start getting some lip service she won't be getting any tongue service. And udc how mad that makes her. And if she wants she can go get tongue service somewhere else and you can go get your dick sucked somewhere else.
     
  6.  
    I don't think her not wanting to give you a blowjob is selfish. I really don't, but if you feel like during sex you are doing all of the work and she never has a night where she takes charge, that's different. Something else to talk about.
     
    For whatever reason she doesn't want to put it in her mouth, it is a good enough reason for her. . .so it should be a good enough reason for you. Or you two will never go any further sexually, or emotionally . It's also possible that down the line once she gets more comfortable with you she may decide on her own to give you a blowjob. Relationships are a lot of accepting odd quirks and not thinking twice about it.
     
  7. So Darcy if you had a bf and you domed him up all the time but he didn't like eatin pussy you'd be ok with that?
     
  8. I do accept it, but sexually it's frustrating to me that she wants me to do it when she will never do it. Maybe down the road sure. Idk, kinda conflicted. I wanna keep doing it to her but I don't wanna become the one who provides all the pleasure.
     
  9.  
    If you're always worried about so much give and take in sex, well then you're focusing too much on things that don't matter. Let all of that go and just enjoy the moment, the passion. She doesn't have to give you a blowjob to please you, explore the other options.
     
  10. If she aint sucking your dick she's not your girlfriend.
     
  11. Small dick?
     
  12.  
    I actually had that with my ex-boyfriend. I guess I never viewed it as him being selfish, I just viewed it as something he didn't want to do. I'm not really a fan of making people do things they don't want to do. Especially sexually, if you both don't enjoy it, well then you're gonna have a bad time. Might as well find things that are mutually beneficial to you both.
     
  13. #13 Funk-D, Jul 28, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 28, 2013
    Those can be sucked too.
     
  14. Yes, my dick is so small it actually sometimes transforms into a mini-vagina. I'm just going to let it go for now, I'm not gonna let it ruin what we have going on. What I found weird was she said "it just makes me feel bad I can't do that for you" then she never expanded upon why. Hmm. Something personal I'm pretty sure, like I previously mentioned.
     
  15. that sucks. I say stay with her though. although I don't think that I would be with a girl that couldn't please me sexually
     
  16. #16 Digital Veil, Jul 29, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 29, 2013
    You seem young and inexperienced..I'd prob ride this out a little longer if I were in your shoes, but a couple months with only a handy def wouldn't fly with me nowadays.
     
  17. I think you'll get plenty of advice on the sexual aspect, so I kind of wanted to hit on something else about relationships and communication while in relationships.

    Basically I've realized that conversations about serious shit over text have a very high likelihood of being misunderstood/misconstrued/just overall taken the wrong way. There is less finesse and conversational feedback available that you could take into consideration than in a face to face convo, and far less detail can be added into a text message.

    I know you said this basically started with some innocent sexting, but given your knowledge of her previous sexual abuse or whatever, maybe this specific issue would be better to discuss in person.

    tldr, texts can lead to miscommunications, talk about real relationship issues in person.

    Good luck bro.
     
  18. It all depends on how you feel about the girl; there is no universal answer for this, really. 

    Personally in my experience, my ex gave me head before I ate her out (it was our first time doing either).  I know she was nervous at first but she did it anyway.  So when the time came I eventually went down on her and even though I was really nervous, I did it anyway because I know it'd be hypocrytical for me to say no.

    Personally if I were in your shoes OP I'd stop giving her oral on the basis of you don't feel like it anymore.  If she wants you to understand she'd have to understand as well.

    Yet again though, every situation is different; my opinion is as correct as it is wrong

     
     
  19. It is if she's getting eating out IMO.
     
     
    OP I highly doubt there's anything 'traumatizing' this girl that stops her from giving oral but that allows her to damn well enjoy receiving it. It doesn't work like that. 
     
  20. Virgin?
     
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