Horrible experience with local police

So the cops in my area have been very troublesome lately. I got pulled over for allegedly speeding last week. When I gave the cop my insurance info and license, he tore up my insurance card right in front of my face and walked back to his car to run my license. He came back and said I didn't give him my insurance card. I said bullshit and told him I saw him rip it up right there and pointed out all the pieces of it all over the ground. He told me I was lying and ticketed me for speeding, littering, having no insurance, then said he'd impound my car unless someone else drove it.
 
 
I call up a good friend of mine, the only person I know who can drive a manual, and he comes by to drive me home so my car doesn't get towed. Once he gets there though the cop pulls his taser on my friend, asking him what the hell he's doing walking up to a crime scene like that. My friend says he's here to drive my car home for me, but the cop says he never told me to do that and he arrests my friend on the spot for interfering with a police investigation! 
 
 
My car gets impounded and I walk home, not wanting to fuck around with that shit anymore. I bail my friend out of jail the next day.
 
 
So now here I am waiting on a court date in the mail for the no insurance bullshit so I can argue my case when suddenly this unmarked police cruiser pulls in my driveway. It's the douchebag cop from last week! he told me he wanted to apologize, but I was having none of it. I falcon slapped his ass right in the face and he fell to the ground right on his bumbum. I ran back inside my house and locked the door and he pulls his gun and hides behind his open donut vehicle door. 
 
 
Five minutes later I hear this sound and it goes like WHOOOSHWHOOOSHWHOOSHWHOOOSHWHOOOSH and another sound like WEEEEEEEEWOOOOOOOWEEEEWOOOO so I look outside my window and there's this fucking police helicopter hovering like five feet above my driveway shining its spotlight directly onto my garage door and this armored swat van rolls up. I didn't know what to do and at first I shit myself out of pure fear but then I remembered the item I keep stored inside my basement for situations exactly like this.
 
 
So I dash downstairs into my basement and retrieve my gallon jug full of piss that I keep for situations exactly like this. I run to my front door and open the door with such tremendous amounts of force that the door is literally broken off its hinges. I hold the door by the handle and use it as a shield to block the bullets that the swat was shooting at me and I run to the middle of my front lawn.
 
With extreme amounts of force I throw the gallon jug full of piss that I keep for situations exactly like this at the helicopter. The gallon jug full of piss that I keep for situations exactly like this flew all slow motion like at the helicopter (or maybe that was all the unmentionables i railed into both my nostrils the hour before) and a helicopter blade sliced the gallon jug full of piss that I keep for situations exactly like this directly in half, it was all like WHOOOOOSHHH it sounded like moses was parting the red sea again because of the sheer volume of once-compressed juices that were exploding out of the gallon jug full of piss i keep for situations exactly like this. 
 
 
Piss was dripping down into the helicopter engine and the spinning rotors were causing a pissy mist of piss to rain down upon my front lawn and driveway. The swat team ran in utter fear, searching for cover, diving behind bushes, throwing old people in front of them to protect themselves from the pissy mist droplets of piss, flipping over cars and setting them ablaze for no apparent reason.. suffice to say, it was complete chaos. 
 
 
The officers inside the helicopter were chanting incoherently, probably casting a spell or something. They managed to avoid crashing into the giant bigboy statue I have behind my house and they flew off into the night. After the WHOOWHOOWHOOWHOO sound of the noisy ass helicopter was gone, it was dead silent. I dropped my unhinged door-shield and looked into the night. I saw overturned flaming cars, unattended baby strollers in the middle of the road, and flaming birds divebombing cops from the heavens above. it was a disaster. The amount of utter chaos a simple gallon jug of piss created astounded and frightened me. After a short moment of silence mixed with the occasional car explosion and baby cry, a few cops poked their heads out from cover to survey the situation.
 
 
Seeing the pure chaos I had created from a simple gallon jug full of piss, they immediately got back on their bicycles and pedaled away under the moonlight, never to be seen again. They were also still being attacked by divebombing heaven birds.
 
 
I went back inside to change my pants and now here I am sitting in my room trying to understand what the actual hell went on out there over this blunt. DAYUM.

 

Alright hold on I have to upload them give me a bit of time

 

Alright here's the only picture I was able to get, I dunno how it came out though
 
 

 

 
Canon EOS 7D

 

hahah thanks man
back in high school I used to write shit like this during my free time, then print off a ton of copies and hand them out to random people in the halls or sneak them into random backpacks
 
The shit I do when I'm bored..