A guy walks into a bar with a piece of tarmac under his arm, he walks up to the barman and says "a beer please and one for the road!" A man walks into a bar and orders a beer, while the barman gets his beer the man hears a little voice from a bowl of peanuts on the bar saying "You're a good looking chap, such a handsome and polite man!" thinking he is hearing things the man shakes his head, picks his beer up and goes to get some cigarettes from the machine in the corner, as he puts the coins in he hes a voice from the cigarette machine saying "fuck off you ugly bastard! I'm not gonna give the likes of you any cigs!" feeling a bit confused he goes and tells the barman, "oh yeah" says the barman "the peanuts are complimentary and the cigarette machine is out of order!"