having children

Discussion in 'Philosophy' started by marigreen, May 15, 2011.

  1. I was wondering if it was a righteous way to live your life without never having a partner and never having child/ren, even though i can feel the emotional desire to have companionship, i dont see the need only the desire to fulfill something that is empty. But the way i see it there is many ways a person can skin a cat. ;)

    i basically ask this here cause i dont really want mainstream answers like "follow your heart", Im looking at this from a way of life and i dont see it as lying to myself that i feel a desire to have children and partner but see it as a distraction cause its a desire at the end of the day and not a need.

    I dont know maybe confusion of ancient emotions are more to play here then anything else, what do the sages think?
  2. I think you should live your life however you should see fit. It just as it is right for you to live that way as anyone that wants these things.

    If you meet someone that brings you happiness and love, would you consciously turn them away? You say you want these things. If you did turn them away, you may have something else going on that needs resolving. It is human nature to want to be with others and have relationships. That being said, you shouldnt have an 'obligation', imo. That being said there s also the other side of the coin which is shown in the story below.

    from the Teacher in my sig:

    Q:Can you please elaborate on what is space inside of us? Why is this good? I feel lonely sometimes. This feels like emptiness or space inside, but it does not feel good.

    A: Space here does not mean loneliness. Space here means freedom because you are not busy inside--you don't have a lot of worries, fears, projects, things to think about. That is space. Space here is the basic condition for you to enjoy life. If you are preoccupied with so many things, you don't have that condition.

    One day the Buddha was sitting in the wood with thirty or forty monks. They had an excellent lunch and they were enjoying the company of each other. There was a farmer passing by and the farmer was very unhappy. He asked the Buddha and the monks whether they had seen his cows passing by. The Buddha said they had not seen any cows passing by.

    The farmer said, "Monks, I'm so unhappy. I have twelve cows and I don't know why they all ran away. I have also a few acres of a sesame seed plantation and the insects have eaten up everything. I suffer so much I think I am going to kill myself.

    The Buddha said, "My friend, we have not seen any cows passing by here. You might like to look for them in the other direction."

    So the farmer thanked him and ran away, and the Buddha turned to his monks and said, "My dear friends, you are the happiest people in the world. You don't have any cows to lose. If you have too many cows to take care of, you will be very busy.

    "That is why, in order to be happy, you have to learn the art of cow releasing (laughter). You release the cows one by one. In the beginning you thought that those cows were essential to your happiness, and you tried to get more and more cows.But now you realize that cows are not really conditions for your happiness; they constitute an obstacle for your happiness. That is why you are determined to release your cows."

    We have to ask what is really essential to our happiness. We believe that things are essential to our happiness, but we have to look again. Many of us have cows, many cows that prevent us from being happy. That is why we have to learn to release our cows. Also there are many cows inside, so many preoccupations! Many things to worry about, to be angry about, and there's no space at all inside.

    How can you be happy in such a state of being? That is why to release the cows around us and to let go of these preoccupations inside is a very essential condition for happiness. That is the space we are talking about when we practice. I am space; within and out. I feel free. Freedom is the real foundation of happiness. Sometimes if you don't know how to love, love will deprive you of your freedom and deprive the person you love of her freedom. That is why space is so essential in relationship.
  3. For me, having children should be a very conscious decision, including the act of making love itself. Making love and calling a child should be done as an offering, with the intention of opening to that possibility at that moment. It shouldn't just come out of a decision to stop using contraception and allow for the possibility of conception to take place. Never mind any of the lower conscious baby-making opportunities that result in unplanned births.

    For me, I felt certain that we would have a daughter. I consciously 'called' her during the moment we made love, with the intention for this to happen. Exactly nine months later our daughter was born.
  4. If your definition of righteous is ignoring and repressing basic instincts that ultimately make us human, then yeah it sure is "righteous".

    It's your personal choice, and you should do what makes you happy, but asking if something like that is "righteous" is a bit weak willed
  5. It's all about staying true to yourself. There is not a "right" way, there is only "your" way.
  6. First off, TesseLated thank you that was a very illuminating read for me almost like puzzle pieces fitting together. I have and still study the budha way.

    But the reason i say a righteous way.

    I have devoted as much of my will as im consciously aware off to god or the greater presence that exists however you wish to see it and want my will to be his will. So i say righteous way because i see it that to live in my own desires and needs is to live for myself and reject his kingdom (everything that is not an extension of humans) and to be in his kingdom i have to just accept that through his will my will be met according to him, and in turn i get freedom in his kingdom (this freedom is also a form of the bliss that the eastern philosophy talk about according to my perception of course). So back to the point, i see it that if to take a partner its only to fulfill my emotional desires and consume his righteous time.

    But I realize now that if i meet someone that complimentary to the way i choose to live then its his way of allowing me that gift.

    Thank you for helping me in this but sometimes emotions when you think about them blur the very truth in this physical place.
  7. Having children is a division. Truth is whole. NEVER ATTACHED>
  8. hit it n quit it

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