Before i BLURT out what happened i need to explain events leading up to this day. So back in mid February i quit smoking weed for a job with the g'vt that i was applying for. So i passed my initial interview and started doing school work for it. The first couple of weeks NOT smoking was hard because my roomate and my g/f smoke but i got through all the hot and cold sweats, clammy hands, and i was very irritable. Then a month or so went by and the smoking habits wore off, I was doing great and feeling good, not smoking.....studying for tests, record checks and all the hoops they make you jump through.....then on the morning of April 14th I got an email from them saying i DIDN"T pass my lastest test i did and there was NO retrys.......I was choked, Not only was i kicked out of the rest of my training, I have to wait a year before re-applying....I was pretty upset..... My g/f felt bad that morning cuz she was going to hang out with my sister and i'd be home alone to sulk..... I figured i wouldn't sulk but i'd shower get all cleaned up and go do my taxes. So i did just that. I showered, shaved, got dressed and got all my tax papers ready.... Then i thought, I should smoke a joint before i go.... keep in mind that i haven't smoked in 51days so i'm gonna get HIGH.. I busted up some Kush that i grew a month or so earlier that i was saving for when my training was DONE.(not the case). i rolled a joint a lit it up smoked it, and it tasted SO good,i was puffing away and started thinking about how high i was gonna get and that i would have to tell my friends.....I was sitting in my cpu chair all alone almost half way done the joint and i started Tripping HARD( you know when your so high you run thoughts in your head at light speed) This happened, but it spiraled out of control in no time... My initial though was i am too high to go get my taxes done, everyone will know i am high!? then, i thought about what i am gonna do with my life now? then, i thought what have i done with my life? i'm 26 and i dont have a job i'm not happy and no one loves me.(g/f was out and my rents left to mexico that morning) I was tripping hard.. I was in my room all alone high as fuck, thinking that i'm not real. I was convinced that i had to kill myself today. That today is about ending my life. It was the perfect opportunity, no one is here, no one will care, your last name is SMITH. Shoot Me In The Head. but i dont have a gun. I was pacing back and forth in my room trying to convince myself this wasn't real. But the URGE was so strong....I couldn't believe it....it was like that feeling wouln't go away til i went through with it and killed myself. I was so lost in my head that i was convinced that killing yourself is the MEANING to life..... I was so fucking scared that i grabbed my cell fone and called my mom..... What would your mom think if you called her and said "the meaning of life is to kill yourself??" Thank god her fone was off cuz she was on the airplane to mexico, so instead of calling someone else, which would have been the logical thing to do, I ran around the house searching for my keys and shoes and at the same time scaring the shit outta my poor dog. I drove erratically down the roads to my g/fs house where i ended up breaking down to her and tell her this story..... With this story told, I have never previously thought about suicide nor would i ever have the balls to kill myself, this is just an example of how HIGH weed can get you if you don't smoke..........On top of that i was high from noon til dinner time 6hr high off a half doobie ain't so bad...... I called it the KILLER KUSH ever since then..ahha Also this trip was far more intense and real then the time when i smoked salvia and jumped off the 20ft balcony at my roomates cabin......he ripped my shirt off my back on the way down... hope you enjoyed my story, i gotta go get high....
i've been that high a few times. That is when I start shaking and understand that everything (my life included) is absolutely meaningless. I completely forget who I am and my goals in life and it all begins to feel like a dream that I will never awake from. I feel as though death would be no different than life but I don't ever think about killing myself because I know that would be putting too much control in my hands. You shouldn't have the control of being able to choose whether or not you want to live or die...that is for nature to decide. Our ultimate goal should be to live as long as we can as happily as you can but then again im pretty high right now.
it was crazy.....i knew i wouldn't kill myself. but i makes me understand the people that do have suicidal thoughts. cuz if this had happened to one of them and if that urge was nearly as strong i think the outcome would have been much worse.... even after when i was at my g/f's apt balcony i could still hear myself say it sub-contiously..."i have to kill myself".... but i never jumped, it was a mindfuck ....
He wouldn't have even he had a gun in his hand. OP - you just had a panic attack. if it happens again just breathe and control yourself, don't let the weed control u
It was so real, but nothing was real and it felt like time was standing still in the moment for me to MOVE on the opportunity.
when i smoked the salvia BEFORE i jumped off the balcony, I was tripping ALL in my head that people were made in factories and that we were made from cookie cutters and that I was some of the EXtra bits left over....A retard, I guess....!! The PA system was going off in the factory and the lady on it was saying" what's the problem?"... And then it clipped to a factory guy in his station putting out a DOOBIE. saying" I found the problem".....So i had to get out of there cuz i wasn't retarded so i jumped.....
shit son, i only got half way through..and it was a Fat half doobie. and before i quit i easily smoked between a 1/8 to 1/4 a day.
Well, I dunno, I've been that high before...it does trip you the fuck out. I remember one time back when I was a new toker I smoked two joints all to my self...next thing I know I'm glued to a chair in my dorm room, staring at a television screen...when it was turned off. This was after I had embarrassed myself in front of a bunch of people by damn near passing out cold and babbling illogical gibberish. Sitting in that chair it felt like I was flying through space at a million miles an hour, even though I was stoned stiff staring straight ahead. The sensation was so strong I was holding onto the sides of the chair for dear life...man I was high. My face looked like this for about 3 hours: .
damn yo, that gone off haff a doobie? whenever i get super high my thoughts stop making sense and i lose most of my functions... i don't get all delusional like that. shiiiet i hope i dont have a trip like that, cuz theres plenty of potential suicide weapons at my house. i'm a cutlery salesman, for god's sake.
Damn dude that's crazy, I can't believe that you got high because even with a 51 t-break half a J shouldn't fuck you up that much, it was probably because you just had a terrible experience and started panicing with no one else in the room to calm you down.
i thought it was weird too that i was so fucked up in my brain.......i learned about drug classifications too. stimulants, depressants, and hallucinagens.... WEED was a hallucinagen, I thought"ya right" then this happened it was nuts, more intense than my Salvia trip and that was ONE on it's own.
Well shit, the other day I ended a 20 day t-break with a nice green bowl and kif, as well as a kif only bowl. Had to fucking drive 30 miles 15 minutes after smoking; I was so fucking blitzed.
There has been two times that i have had a bad high. Just like urs i felt like life wasnt nothing really and there was no point living. But i just took deep breaths and it was good and tried focusing on the tv.
it doesnt matter what you smoked before you took the break, lol after a 51 day t-break even hashbean would get high off his ass. and did you not try to smoke the whole joint?
Let's not forget this wasn't regs, this dude was smokin on some kush after a 51 day break. He's like a newbie again. Also, he was kicked out of whatever it was again he was trying to do so he built up a lot of stress. The weed only made him realize and focus on these stresses. Just a panic attack.