I'm gonna make this short and sweet (possibly, the weed is talking to me haha). My girlfriend/fiance and I (of 4 years) are in our early 20s. We've been best friends for going on 7 years now, I love her to death and I honestly say that I can see myself settling down with her in the near future. But.... our sex life is HORRRRIBLLEEEE. Every other aspect of our relationship is just out of this world fucking good... but sex... my God, it's just fucking horrid. I don't know how else to describe it. I'm a guy in my early 20's, which means I'm a horny little bastard 24/7/365 (ok maybe not that much but whatever, I know you guys feel me on this). I get sexual "urges" at least once a day... I go jerk off and it's the end of the story. Wash, rinse, repeat, ya know? "Now I can invent things!" haha Alright, so we've been together for a while now and I've grown to love her so much it hurts. It's just the fact that we rarely have sex that REALLY bothers me. I got laid more when I was single than I do now and that's pitiful. Put it this way, guys... I can go buy a box of rubbers (a simple 12 pack) and they'll last me 6 months to a year, no fucking problem. We're averaging around one "session" every 4-6 weeks and that's WAY to god damn infrequent for my tastes. It's now August 2nd and if my memory serves me correctly, the last time we had sex was the last week of June. It's been like this since day one, though. For the longest time I just thought she was the kind of girl that really had to "warm up/settle in" to a relationship to get that ball rolling but I guess I was way the fuck off on my judgement. I recently talked to her sister about it (she's 26 and sadly, the more I go without, the more I want to bang the shit out of her) and she says that she's pretty much the same way with her man and has been for as long as she can remember. So maybe it's hereditary? This is how a typical month goes around here. 1st week - I come on to her every other day (to the best of my abilities... which used to land me pussy in a matter of minutes) but it's always to no avail. She's ALWAYS too tired, too stressed, too "sick", she's gotta get up early, etc. 2nd week - Same shit, different toilet. 3rd week - Same shit, different toilet. 4th week - Around the time she starts to ovulate, she gets just a TAD bit horny and if I'm lucky I'll see some action before she starts ragging (then it's "hide the guns" and watch your mouth haha)... but even then, that's only if I'm persistant as hell and initiate it myself. To be completely honest, I can only think of two times over the last three years that SHE has came on to ME. Look, I'm a good looking guy, I'm "well-endowed" and I know how to use it (at least according to every other girl I've hooked up with) so I don't think that it's me or anything that I'm doing. I think it's a genetic/hereditary hormone deficiency or excess emotional baggage (Dad walked out when she was 15, maybe that's it?) but I could be wrong. I have tried EVERYTHING, guys. I've bought sex toys (which she used once... since "masturbating is weird"), special his/her lube, sexy lingerie, candle lit bubble baths, home cooked meals, trips to the mountains (camping/hiking), the beach, massages (from both myself and professionals), absofuckinglutely everything but the kitchen sink (maybe I'll try that next)... and she STILL just doesn't "feel it". Other than boring missionary, cowgirl and doggy sex... that's it. Everything else "hurts her" (size?). She won't arch her back in doggy because I go "too deep"... when in reality I'm only going 1/2 way in. This is extremely disappointing. Blowjobs are fucking GREATTTTTTT (think, Tony the Tiger) but typically last 5 minutes because her jaw gets tired and she gets sick of doing it (plus I get tired of her bitching about her jaw/neck, so that kinda throws a wrench into my system and I tell her I'll just do it myself... just lay there.). She really just doesn't enjoy it after that. On top of all that, if we try reverse cowgirl she doesn't ride me worth a DAMN. I showed her a few videos of girls riding the living piss outta guys and she'll do it PERFECTLY for 5 seconds and then complain that it hurts too much so we have to stop. I'm not down with hurting her (unless she likes it... which isn't happening here) so I just deal with it. She produces ample lube on some days and a moderate amount on others, but all in all it's not bad. She usually gets off either on top or in missionary and has multiples EVERY SINGLE TIME. I usually count between 8-10 orgasms back to back, within a minute or two of each other. She's surely not faking (her nipples could cut diamonds, her face gets flushed, she "gushes" from time to time, etc. She obviously enjoys it, even though she's extremely quiet. The only way to make her do anything other than a "light moan" is to flip her of doggy style, shove her face down into the bed/floor/whatever and pound her as fucking hard as I can. She'll still pull away, tighten down and position herself so I can't go more than a few inches deep (which in all honesty, I can understand). Alright, so the real problems are starting to arise now that I'm slowly meeting women here and there (usually one or two a day), and a good chunk of them obviously want my dick. Sad to say, it's getting excruciatingly hard to "say no" given my circumstances and SOMETHING has to be done before I wind up making a stupid mistake and sleep with a bombshell that knows how to royally treat a cock. I've talked to her about this probably twice a month for at least 2 years and not a fucking thing has changed. No doctor visits, no "surprises" for me, just... nothing. No effort what-so-ever. In all honesty, I'm bored shitless and I need to "express myself", per se. Now that aside, I'm a great talker when I need to be and I know how to deal with people. On top of that I understand a woman's psychology to a good degree so I use it for a bit of leverage in our conversations but everything I have tried with her has failed miserably. I've never had this much of an issue with having a girl sleep with me, let alone a girl that I've been for a while. Usually, shit just happens, and we're all happy-go-lucky. Every one of the girls I've dated in the past wanted it (at the bare minimum) twice a week, so obviously this just isn't working in my favor. So.... does this sound "normal" to you guys? What the hell is "normal" anyway and can ANYTHING be done to help boost her sex drive? Do you think her getting back on B.C. could help (I noticed a VERY slight increase when she was on it, but after she gained a few pounds she quit it cold turkey)? Other than that, what would y'all do? And of course, single or not, straight or not, male or female... How often do YOU have sex? Thank you and Good night.
I've read studies that say that the earlier you have sex the more you will enjoy it and likewise if you have sex late you will like it less. Talk to her about it dude. If you can't talk to her about it then what kind of relationship do you really have?
Well after reading that, my advice would be to just sit her down and ask her what's up. It could be a pain issue; there are some conditions where girls have pains during sex, but those are rare. From the sounds of it, you're a caring and wonderful partner (I'd sure appriciate all the things you're doing if I were her), so it may be something that bothers her. Possibly the pain thing, or self confidence. It may be an odd suggestion, but you could try a sex counseller out. They can be helpful when it comes to things like this, and may just start a new spark. But who knows. I wish you the best of luck though. I know what it's like to care and have strong feelings for someone who just can't seem to show the same sexual excitement and interest as I do.
When she lets me, yeah. haha She's never really been toooo into it (it's another thing that's always been "a little weird" in her mind, but I've slowly gotten her to come out of her shell, so to speak), but from time to time she doesn't mind. If I stay down there for 10 minutes or so, I can get her off no problem and she loves it. Do I do it as much as I want to? Short answer, no. But frequency on my end and then on hers are two totally different ball fields at the moment. Personally I LOVE it, whether it's just me chowin' down or if we 69 it, I've got no qualms with eating her out. And Lucid, your post deserves a nice, well thought out response and I can't give that to you right now. But I wanted to at least acknowledge that I read it and thank you for the kind words. I'll be replying back to you in the morning.
So she's not on any form of birth control right now? I was actually going to say that may be decreasing her sex drive but if she's not on it then nevermind. Is she on any other medication that could effect her sex drive? When you talk to her, what does she have to say about it? You've gotta be very up front with her about. Explain how it makes you feel. If it makes you feel like she's not attracted to you or that there is something lacking in your relationship, be clear about that. Either she's just not as attracted to you as she could be, or that's honestly just the way she is. But even if she's the kind of person who just doesn't want sex all that much, she needs to understand that she's not the only one in the relationship. You want sex more than once every month or two, and that is a perfectly okay thing to want. She needs to understand that and make an effort to be "in the mood" more, whatever that means for her. I don't know, this is a complicated situation and I'm not sure what advice to give. Maybe some couples counseling is in order.
I really wish I had some advice for you. Mine is opposite...it's my husband that I can't get in the sack. I totally understand your frustration. It sucks bad to have your partner right there and be shut down so often. It's like why? Why am I with this wonderful person and you just want to stray. It's like damn...if I wanted to not get laid I'd be single. I'm not saying that sex is everything in a relationship but it is DAMN important. I'm 30 so I'm starting to peak sexually and OMG it's so frustrating. It's pretty much ruined my marriage. We're essentially just roommates now contributing to the bottom line, raising kids. So I suggest you work this out before you get married. Counseling, something.
1.show her this thread 2.ask her opinion 3.if she doesnt change tell her your sorry but your not sure how its workin 4.if that doesnt work dump her=/ 5.profit(with your dick) its not to be mean dude but youve talked to her and she isnt changing or even trying i feel for your situation, cause im in almost the exact same thing for the exact same amount of time(4 years right?)the only difrence is my girl has started to put forth some effort...so things are working out honestly i hope things work out man subscribed for future reports
From the brief window you've given us into your life, I'm curious, did the sex start off strong and frequent, and drop off suddenly, or was it slowly over time? Reason I ask is the excuses of being tired all the time, sounds like perhaps a significant life event may have triggered this (Change jobs? Working more hours? Going to school and work?) . Also, given the limitations on certain sexual positions, as well as her ability to perform oral sex for extended periods might suggest you're well endowed enough to the point of possibly causing her pain when you have sex. Have these sexual limitations always been there? If so, you may want to sit down and ask her if she's experiencing more pain than she is letting on during sex. Either way, it's important to sit down and discuss it directly with her. We can only help so much, but she is going to be your best path forward here. You need to ensure that she is perfectly clear how critical this is to you and a healthy relationship. If she realizes that unless something is done she may ultimately lose you, things may turn around for the better. You just need to ensure that the changes are genuine, and the mutual, honest feelings are still there to continue to relationship. Hope this helps. Good luck.
I hate to say this, but sex is a HUGE part of any relationship and if you guys don't vibe well in the bedroom it might mean she's not "the one" for you. I mean, eventually you're going to look elsewhere for satisfaction. Don't try to say "Nah, I'm not like that", but one day you're going to wake up and say, "I don't want to lose her, but i want intimacy." BAM. I'd say sit down and ask her openly why it's not happening. Is there something wrong? Is there something she wants you to do more often? How can you help her be less stressed? Next time she gives you an "excuse" ask her how you can help solve the problem with her so you guys can spend more intimate time together. If she has no desire to change it then it's time to move on.
hmm...when I was living inthe same city as my gf we would fuck at least once a day and generally more...it actually started eating into my free time and possibly affecting my grades I think we're very sexually compatible though and its really a huge part of our relationship. We're both way to stubborn and egotistical to work together if we didn't have really rough passionate sex together. Sex, sports, and music are kind of the glue of our relationship. As others have said, the only real solution is to hve an open and honest conversation about it. Its definately a cliche to say that good communication is the key to a relationship, but its defintely true.