Grossest things you ever....

One time at a Jimmy John's I took a shit and clogged the toilet with the paper and I was too embarrassed and felt bad to tell them. So I pulled the paper out with my hand and put it in the trash then the toilet flushed and then I washed my hands like 10 times.

 

One time I was suuuuuuuuper high we started off with a blunt then a dab then after an hour we at 1/4 of a cookie edible.
So anyways we were walking in my neighborhood and I noticed that a Ton of pigs live in my neighborhood about 6. We got to the last one near the entrance this was late at night also... So as we're walking up to this pigs house he has his bacon wagon parked in his driveway so I stood on top of his hood, pulled down my pants and took a shit. I then told my friend to go grab some leaves off the tree but when he went to go do that the light sensors went off but nothing happened so I'm wippin my fat ass with leaves the I smear that shit all over the windshield and while I was doing this my friend kept telling me he could hear something I told him to chill but next thing I know the fucking spotlight on his car is shining at my friend... The pig was in the fucking car!!! I have no idea how I didn't notice in the first place but as soon as I saw that I put my pants back on and book it. We all went in different directions, I never looked back to see if he was chasing me down. We all eventually met up at the church near the area and I guess on of my friends (the fastest one out of us) threw a rock at the pig so that he would chase him Instead he got away but he had a huge gush along his arm.
BEST NIGHT EVER!

 

Earning my red wings. Alcohol was a factor in that :'

 

I keep remembering things I got another one from when I was younger and quite a little shit! I was at Darien Lake home of the superman with a couple buddies of mine, It was a pretty hot day, alot of people there for the water park so we already did our fair share of walking around we were just chilling and people watching. Well somehow the convo gets brought up about a little known thing called the poop dollar. What is the poop dollar you may ask, well its when you have a spare dollar bill and you have to take a mean dump and if there conveniently isnt any toilet paper you wipe your ass nicely with that dollar and place it shit-face down in a very heavy foot traffic area (after conveniently finding some toilet paper to properly wipe yourself with   ) Me being the more daring of our group, and the fact I felt a mean mud monkey brewing. My friend provided the dollar and promised 5 if it worked. Well the highest traffic area Id say is a little bit after the opening gate its a big straightaway then a small bridge then some benches by bushes. After dropping a nice deuce I walked out of the bathroom and headed over to the area. casually walked past the benches walking away from my boys and dropped it landing just how its supposed to. I shit you not, a minute later the first victim picks it up. It was a male and a female walking holding hands, I imagine he said something along the lines of "hey honey a dollar, Lets get you some ice cream" he picks it up and almost instantaneously drops it while wiping the shit on his pants not really knowing what it was. Second victim was a heavier black female with a kid or 2, she picks it up and throws it in the trash. Now I almost let it go but something made me go retrieve it. It was in a good spot I grabbed it without touching any shit and re set it.. A mom and her kid walks by. The kid grabs it and walks sooooooooo far with it we're dying laughing, I then see the mother grab it and freak out. She went and got security and they came and kinda blocked the area off and disposed it. Didn't get caught   Went again a month later and did it again, Similar results but only got 2 people till security came and just stood around it probably thinking "I'm getting too old for this shit" The one had the biggest shit eating grin on his face and we just walked by chuckling. Haven't did it since, I have the picture of me holding the shit dollar on my myspace i think hahaha

 

I was about to eat my ex-gf from behind until i saw a spit ball of toilet paper on her b-hole.
 
i closed my eyes and took one for the team.

 

 
O jesus H christ. I don't want to think about that.

 

Will never forget fingering this girl at school in a closet, most awful smell ive ever smelled in my life.
I hand sanitized multiple times, washed hands multiple times, stench didn't go away for a solid twelve hours.
I puked.

 

licked out a girl who stank.....I was drunk and she promised I could cum in her mouth. the young days.... I don't wanna talk about that one.
 
I drank BADLY off yoghurt as a dare..once again, being drunk. I did that cos my mate said if I drink it I can straight punch him in the face. He regretted that bet later that night. It had fuckin green lumps in it... I felt ill as shit the next day.
 
Squeezed all the grease out of a massive pizza and poured it into my ridiculously thin friends drink... I regret that one. dick move, but i did it for pussy, once again.

 

When I was in college over 20 years ago, I drank a whole liter of tequila at a party and got with a 300 lb. woman.  I was eating her out and my buddy walked in on me and then I fucked her doggie-style.  And I was a skinny tall guy at about 190 lb..  Talk about a toothpick fuckin' a wood pile!?!?!?!

 

I shit my pants while trying to take a piss while skating home from a restaurant that is like 4 minutes away. I threw up all over myself and passed out, twice. I pissed my pants for a video we made for a class in high school. I have shit my pants several times when I sneezed, and once while trying to fart.

 

Back when I was a young shithead, I felt it was my duty to take a massive shit on my neighbors doorstep. The neighbor is such a fucking tool and always rev's his riced out Honda shitbox at 3 in the morning. Anyway, in broad daylight I snuck up to his door, pulled down my pants, and let one hell of poop out. As I pull up my pants, he opens his door and just stares at me. We make very awkward eye contact for 10 seconds and I just bolt. Complete silence. I guess he wanted to return the favor so about 20 minutes later as I'm still laughing my dick off he comes up to my door and does the same thing and pulls his pants down ready to shit and his wife comes out and is like "Jerry are you fucking serious? Like really? WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING" he then pulls up his pants and goes on this speal about how I started it. Funniest thing ever. 2 years have passed and I still fucking hate you jerry

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Urinated in someone's drink..

..dick move.