At the moment I'm feeling very frustrated and almost sad at the way humans operate with one another, and how they evaluate themselves. I'd consider myself an extremely pleasant and supportive person. I have anger, of course I do, but I never let it come out. My demeanor is always warm and friendly. Unlike my siblings, who are downright rude and emotionless, I never once raise my voice to my parents. I'm not caught up in the materialism of the 21st century nor do I try to be something I'm not. I display the "Everyone is one" concept through my personality. I want others to be extremely happy about life. Overall, I'm trying to say that I'm a pretty decent person. I live by these morals and I'm proud. MOST people do not live by these, rather the complete opposite. Just half an hour ago, I came home to find my mom angry at me. She had searched my room extensively and managed to find one of my homemade pieces. She yelled at me for a minute, and her expression was so vile that I basically tuned out. I couldn't hear a thing she was saying. While most teens my age would argue with great hostility, I stood there taking it all, trying to be logical about the situation. All that was going through my head was "Why do I deserve this?" I'm not talking about merely "getting busted" by your parents (besides, I'm 18, going to college soon). I'm talking about a total dehumanization. Finding something related to marijuana caused my mom to place me on a lower plane than what I truly am. This is sort of a rant but I am just so puzzled. I'm sure she said "You are nothing but a lier". NOTHING? I know I have a kind heart...what about those who don't? The men in business suits who take high blood pressure medication while eating their sodium-rich chinese food at a meeting on how to increase million-dollar salaries are the low ones in life. Sure, they have a great house and a family, too. Their morals, however, are pure SHIT. They make others feel like pure SHIT. But let's say my mom had come home and found me in one of those suits at a business meeting just like that. Then, it seems she'd be proud. Us good people can never win. The uncommon values of the good-hearted are easily shrugged off once a present-day "crisis" comes around. When I come tardy to a class, I'm looked upon as a criminal, even though I make each person in that class laugh & gain new perspective on life through my words. It just all makes no sense to me...John Smith, football player, at the front of the class is labeled a 'good kid' even while he subconsciously bullies 3 people per day and swears to his parents..but he comes to class on time each day. What a sweetheart. The modern day world works for noone unless they can ooze out some egotistical traits and some greed...heck, maybe a dash of unkindness!
I think you and I are very similar people, you sound almost exactly like me. The way you feel sounds just like a phase I went through for a couple of months last year. I felt like I was trying to be the best person I could for everyone and that the values of society are all ass backwards and what's seen as good is bad and what's seen as bad is good. I had a hard time coming to terms with this because I felt very out of place in the world, I was always thinking about crazy spiritual shit and looking at the world in crazy perspectives, and I wasn't (and still am not) concerned with material things and money, and I could have cared less about a lot of popular topics of conversation I heard around campus... and that's not seen as normal, especially amongst people my age. I was a kind spirit but I felt that that aspect of me was completely overlooked by most people and that no one cared about kindness anymore. Well I've grown a lot since then due to many things, and I have learned many things, the most important two to my being happy almost all the time now are: 1. You can't be concerned with pleasing anyone but yourself. You should try to do good for others, but that is all you can do, give it your best effort, but know that the only person you can be sure to please is yourself, if you have any expectations for anyone else you are going to be let down...you could do everything in your power the right way to try to please someone else and fail miserably. If you depend on making others happy, you will be sad all the time because everyone that you don't make happy will make you sad. And that tends to be a lot of people no matter who you are. 2. Live only in the moment and take every second of time as it comes, don't reminisce on anything that is negative, because negativity breeds negativity. If you are thinking negative thoughts it puts you in a loop where your whole outlook is negative. If you only think positive things your outlook will naturally become positive. Try not to think about the past or the future, yes society has many shitty aspects to it, but if you aren't thinking about how wrong it is you won't care. And in not caring and being positive, living in the moment, focusing on your happiness, and being kind, you will influence far more people positively than you could otherwise. You can be very kind but if you are in a negative mindset you will not be taking your journey in life to its full potential. If you become a self actualizing person (basically the traits I described above) people will naturally appreciate you, and be inspired to be more like you. You can't change the world or its views, but you can change individual people and help them on their journey...and make the most of yours. Damn that was long but I'm all jacked up. Sorry if it's all over the place. I hope that helps! I have lived by the aformentioned rules for the last few months, I am a very nice person (I can't ever remember saying anything mean to anyone), and I feel like a winner, just because I know how to be happy without relying on others or material possessions, not many people can do that. I literally can't stop feeling happy, or at least content, these days. If you don't wanna read all that (understandable), watch this video, try to live by it, it's true and sums up a lot of what I said. [ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RQzHid59I7c]YouTube - 12 Mistakes Which Lead To Disempowerment And Misery[/ame]
It seems good people can't wind because we're the last to close the door when everyone enters or leaves and we never get credit for our work done but it gets done. Its a niche. You only feel like you lose because you look at the world through their eyes. Look through your own and ignore everyone else
People often mistake kindness for weakness in a world of greed and misery. Hang in there man, and don't change yourself for anyone. You'll be in college and on your own soon.
thank you for your down to earth posting! before diving into this thread i was experiencing a phase where spreading energies through love was extremely difficult to conceptualize. i now come to picture love in the same sense of the ethos. greed provides happiness, so loving one another returns wealth in the form of misery.
Accept your trials in life and learn the lessons. You'll not likely think there is a lot to learn, and from your post I can see why. But just remember, there is plenty to learn from this as with anything. If you still live with your family, then that is your reality, but it won't always be so. Your mother appears to be responding badly, but she should not disown you just because of victimless actions you've taken. Everything will turn out alright, but you're still growing. In time, you will have grown beyond all of this. Let it never be accepted that the good cannot win.
wouldnt let that bother you, imo, your mom probably over reacted when she saw that b/c she had a mental image of who you are and it changed once she noticed that. It her fault really, tell her its what you want and that she has no control over it and to get over it. Same situation but prolly a bit worse when i was in HS, now my mom's muscician BF smokes pot and got her into it, now i smoke with her sometimes. Shes probably all messed up (especially if your the only child or oldest child) because your leaving soon and becoming your own person. Add to the fact that she is a woman....dehumanization is in their blood.
Well don't disrespect her unless you pay for everything you need. It's still more or less her house. But when you move out, just be like FUCK OFF I mean, it's not her fault because she is likely not educated about the true side of marijuana. It's just not her place to dehumanize you for something so victimless. Edit: Luckily my parents knew all there is to know about it and, as a result, they don't care in the least that i smoke everyday.
That was such a good video guy if you havent watched it yet I suggest you do there's never a limit to what you can learn
Good people cannot win because society is built on corruption. The goal is to convince people that they are corrupted and then they are forced to look outside for help. If I were wrong, laws and religion would not exist.
You might not be a Christian, but I think what Jesus said is true, that whenever we are good, and suffer unjustly, we will later be rewarded, sort of like good karma. So even when you suffer don't worry about it, you'll get rewarded later. Try not think to bad about it, just know you were righteous about it, and know good things would come your way.