So, I know there is probably a thread for this, but it is just somewhere that I can write and not be worried about offending anyone. Basically, I have been in an amazing relationship with my girlfriend (ex) for the past 3 years. She is an American at university over here (UK). I fell in love with her and she fell in love with me. We planned everything together, our whole lives and would try and spend as much time together as possible. Well, now she is in her final year and will be graduating in June. I told her that as I have no qualifications it would be really difficult for me to get work over in the USA. Especially since she does not know the area that she wants to work in. (State wise). So we have this chat and she agrees that we would go where one of us get's the best opportunity. I am currently working and have not been to university. I have been offered a really good job in the UK that will pay excellent money and provide me with the skills to be able to gain work in the US in a period of time. This was discussed and we both agreed that she would try get work in the UK to obtain a sponsorship visa. We also discussed getting engaged, which I wanted to do. I love her and I know she loves me. I had the money saved up to buy a ring and was going to propose the week after Valentines day. (To avoid the Cliche's). She yesterday told me that I am pressuring her and putting her down. I really didn't think I was doing that. And apologised if I was. She then broke up with me and said she needs space to work out what she wants. I told her that I am madly in love with her and would try get a job in the states to save our relationship. Thing is, she says that that is not what I want. But what I really want is her!!! Anyway, I am massively upset and not sure what to do. I can't just let our 3 year relationship be ended over a phone call. She said she cannot come and see me because she would end up getting back with me, even though she doesn't want to stay in the uk. Yet she tells me she loves me so much and that I am the only man for her. I'm well untruly gutted and want this hurt, this pain to go away. I need her in my life. Thanks for reading. I just needed to get some stuff of my chest!
Give her space. If she misses you terribly she'll come back to you. If she doesn't then it wasn't meant to be. You need to be open to the idea that she doesn't love you as much as you thought she did. Sorry if it doesn't work out. You'll be obsessing over her for months if not years but time does heal.
Ya man just give her space, all you can do. She says give her space, give her space. Let her know you are there for her though. Shes gotta make this decision on her own. Best of luck, giving space sucks.
Her family is in America, along with everything she knows besides you and the university. You need to stay in the Uk for your benefit, and she wants to be where she feels like she belongs and fits in. For her it doesn't seem to be about where to work as much as it matters to her where everything else she cares about is. But I could be wrong but it seems that way to me. Go see her, tell her to stop being foolish and discuss with you what is really going on. She is likely just afraid of what is to come because she knows it could hurt having to be apart.
Thanks for the advice. Yeah giving space sucks! We were so close. Just this last weekend, we were talking about getting engaged and having a brilliant life together and she was telling me that she doesn't want to be with anyone else and that she loves me. She said this yesterday when she broke up with me as well. That she loves me more than anything in the world. Which I guess is what's really confusing me.
Sounds like she used you for support due to her loneliness in a foreign country then tossed you away. Its a problem with american women. As much as it hurts now you may have dodged a bullet. My heart aches for you brother. ~ poke
I have nothing by way of advice, just empathy, I've been in a very similar situation, twice, and I've been both the ender and the ended An American exchange student, beautiful young girl, broke my heart when she moved back to the states and left me so utterly crushed that I didn't date for nearly two years. I fell in the same trap with a French exchange student some years later, and this time, after a year together here in Norway, she moved back to Paris, and after 8 months of a weekend here and there, I ended it So, now that I'm a bit distanced from it; Why did the American girl end it on me and why did I end it on the French girl, when both times, the relationship was fantastic, and was ended at the height of love? Distance is a motherfucker, man, and the idea of committing to someone so much that you uproot your entire frame of "home" on a gamble of love, it can sometimes show you that your love isn't as strong or committed as you thought. I'm pretty sure this is what happened with American when she had her tickets and knew she was going to a place so far away that she'd have to move worlds to see me, and then just briefly. I saw the same thing coming when I kissed the French girl goodbye when she left for Paris, and sure enough. In no way can I claim that the same thing is happening with you, but I thought I'd share my two experiences of distance/moving related heartbreak. I feel for you, brother, it's brutal on the heart and on the soul
Thanks for sharing bro. And thanks everyone for the support. It's a shitty time, but I'm a fighter!! I'll battle through.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sRYNYb30nxU I try to relax and think positive thoughts. Distance sucks, but honestly I don't think it's ever the distance that dooms us, it's timing. Distance is strenuous, but timing is seriously everything. There are different times for different people in our lives. If you loved someone enough, and you were committed long term, I truly believe you would make it work. However If you're both not in that place to appreciate what you have, what you found, you drift apart. In some cases, love is not enough, and those are the worst. Like VT, I had a similar experience...I knew that when I said goodbye to an ex, it would be the last time I'd see them. To this day, that pain still hurts as if it was happening right now. I'm one of those people where I can move on, but I hate the feeling of not knowing. What could have been. It drives me insane. I bury it deep inside and I choose to not let it bother me. There are also many forms of evolution you have to go through as a person to learn who you are and what you want. Sometimes hindsight is 20/20. If it's meant to be, she'll come back into your life, be sincere, and try to enrich it, compliment it. Relationships need to be complimentary to your life that is already in balance. Work on yourself, and the right people will either find you again, or find you when you didn't even know they were there. It'll get better OP, it always does. Just remain open to the possibilities and life will take you where you belong. Although, I call bullshit on her saying "you're the only man for me" yada yada. That's because I know that if I find the one, the true one...I'd go through hell and back to be with him. Some people take love for granted, I am not one of them.
I don't really have a good advice for you but I've been in a similar situation and I know how it feels. I met a guy who was here as a tourist, we clicked, started talking, decided to try long distance with him visiting as often as possible, I started working alongside studying to put some money aside and move to him after graduation.. we were talking about how awesome it would be when I graduate and I'm finally there with him and one day he just left without even saying anything. 10 months later was the first time I heard from him after that and he explained he did it because neither of us was going after their actual dream in our situation. I still love him to this day in a weird way. We're not together, he broke my heart but I would still take him back any day, over anybody else, because he was the person I was happiest with, happy out of my mind, feeling safe, loved etc. My point is, it sounds like you really love each other and as you can see even after such things love lives (sounds cheesy) and people forgive each other and I am sure that she is hurt no less than you are and also wants to be with you badly, you both just need time to figure things out.
My brother in-law married a girl from Russia. She came over here. She left everything behind. That is getting in the way of their relationship right now. It's hard to leave everything you know for someone you may not love next year or two years from now. It's tough bud, but I agree with the other blades. Give her space. In fact...Get on with your life and forget about her. Never let anyone hold you back from your success. I almost did that with big ol titty Nancy Grace. But look at me now.
I am going to tell you my experience and see what you can make of it . I am an lesbian American that met a swede on a dating site . We talked for a few months and skyped nearly every night . We knew it was love before we even met . Which was a hell of a first for me . Then I got on a plane for the first time in my life and flew to meet this woman. Immediately we struck an even stronger connection and feel deeper in love. My month visit in Sweden could not have lasted long enough it was an emotional and heartbreaking goodbye . But two months later she came to see me for a month and that's when we knew we wanted to make it work. No more distance ! So I decided to fill out paperwork and fly back with her to stay in Sweden . I left my family an friends back in America and believe me I truly struggled . I had days where all I could do was cry when I heard my dad's voice on the phone . It tore me up but eventually I learned to live with it . Now it's been almost two years and I am still living in Sweden and I have married that amazing swede. My point is basically, for your girlfriend you have a past and you love each other but what she has to realize is that sometimes the distance is what makes you the strongest couples of any kind . Because your overcoming the one thing you were around your whole life " a routine , your family , friends and loved ones " and your doing all of that to be with the love of your life . That does not need much thought except " can I see myself being with this person forever " because in reality you make your own family with that person and you work your ass off to save money to go visit your amazing friends and family . You don't need to evaluate it , make an adventure of it , be there to comfort her when she misses her family . You are her family too, and probably the best friend she will ever have! I agree space is what she wants but don't let her have too long , the heart should not be left to bleed by the person you love so much ! *👌💨😆*
th Thank you! That is really inspiring. I will give her a few days to overcome the stresses of university and will leave her to her own devices. Then I'll give her a call. Thank you once again! Sent from my iPhone using Grasscity Forum
I'd say give it time like everyone else said. Work on yourself and your aspirations. Get that job that pays well and visit her every now and then. Stay in contact and stay close though because american guys are basically scum in between your toes. (I'm an American male, so I can accurately say this.) Distance is an obstacle that can be remedied in relationships. Sent from my iPhone using Grasscity Forum
I know this probably isn't what you wanna hear but like others said, give her time. If its meant to be, it will be! I def know where your coming from. I could only imagine this hurts like a ton of bricks..but in the end it will make you or break you. All you can do is let life lead you to where you need to be. For good or bad, remember that no time was wasted. I like to think that when things happen there was always something I needed to gain from it. Weather it be about life, love or myself. If you look at it that way, it really opens your eyes and makes life a little easier. An yea, its true..time does heal all wounds. But its a lot easier to say it then to really know..after all these years, I know now. Things really do get better. Keep your head up! I'm sending good vibes your way.