Hi there. My girlfriend broke up with me after three epic years. I still cannot understand why she did it. I also can't get over her, and its officially been six months since she left me. We don't see each other anymore. In fact we don't speak at all anymore.. So I already did the first step of getting over her, I just don't know what to do next. I started doing weed more frequently because I thought it could perhaps make everything smoother. I quickly saw that the pain was actually worse when I was high, but at least I had my own little world inside my head where I could feel isolated and safe. I really tried to suppress all thoughts of her. For a few weeks it worked, but I began to see her in my dreams every night once again. Then I began to constantly interpret random noises as her calling my name, and think that random girls are her when going to the mall and etc. What the fuck can I do? It's like my conscious me is trying to forget about her, but my subconscious can't get over it. I want to throw up simply by thinking that I'll see her again at the Uni when classes are back. I guess I still don't understand why she really did it. If I stalked her or something, then I'd be a sorry bastard. But I leave her the fuck alone and I don't want to think about her. It happens against my conscious will. I even tried to get it on with another girl, but I choked right before it happened because I kept imagining that she was my ex. What the fuck would you guys do? Weed isn't helping anything at all. It's only reinforcing my mental wall. I need to break out of this and I'm so deep down into it that I can't even realize it when I'm sober.
I still can't believe that I wrote out. That I admitted that I'm stuck in a hole. I spend most of my time thinking that there are no colours, rather than realizing that I can't see them. They are right before my eyes yet they such no further than a year ago in a past that haunts me like the worst of nightmares.
I don't want to be deep. I don't want to be anything. I just want to forget about her. The memories are the worst things ever.
Read this very carefully, it may be the best advice I can ever give to anyone in your position. The freedom to choose is important, as sometimes love is out of duty, loyalty, fear (of loneliness or retaliation) or for some other reason. In the case of a break-up, the love (true love) is only in one direction, the other direction of love is tainted by the reason for the love (something other than true love). By turning the other person loose, they if they come back, it is (one hopes) because they love you, and the feeling is mutual. If they don't come back, you would only have been fighting a losing battle to hold on to them. That is a battle that you will eventually lose, so lose it early and get on with your life You say you feel like shit when you smoke weed, but really weed actually does something magical when we go through things like this. It brings you face-to-face with the emotions and feelings that you have been trying so hard to suppress, but are still there. It brings them out for you to deal with, because the truth is, they must be dealt with. You may not understand this now, but those memories you want someone to take away are wonderful memories and experiences that millions of people on this planet will never even get to experience. In Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Jim Carrey's character asks to have all of the memories of him and his ex-gf removed from his memory, but then regrets it once it begins because he realizes how valuable and important these memories are, even though you don't think so today. Once you start viewing the relationship you had as a learning experience, everything comes into the limelight. You use the regrets you have as lessons for your next relationship. Millions of fantastic people get dumped every day, not because there is something wrong with them, but because the relationships they were in weren't the relationships they belonged in. Your ex-gf broke up with you because there was something, or many somethings, that made you two incompatible with each other. I'm in the same boat as you. Hell, I even posted about it once it happened two months ago. After 39 months of dating and living with each other in college, she broke up with me as soon as we came home for summer, and told me it was because she wasn't happy. I found out later that she had sex with someone her friend introduced her to right when we came home for summer break in May, and she even got with one of my then-best friends. It doesn't get any better unless you deal with it. I still think about her every day, and about the break-up a lot, and I reflect on our relationship. Why? To see what i did wrong, and what I could improve on in my next relationship, because these are the times when we learn. Understand that no one can make you happy but YOU, regardless of the million "what if" scenarios that pop up in your head. If you allow anyone else to be responsible for your happiness, the inevitable day will come when you are tested without that person. Fact of the matter is, we won't be this young for much longer, so go out there and have some fun man. Don't let the sadness of the past or the fear of the future rob you from the happiness of the present. Hang out with your friends, go to the gym and lift, pick up some new hobbies or something, maybe even sports, books, music, etc. just to help take your mind off of her, but don't rush it. Give it the time it needs. If you realize you've been thinking about her a little too much, don't hate yourself for it. It takes a long time to get over someone you truly loved, all you can do is try to break on through to the other side, a two step forward, 1 step backwards type deal. Best of luck amigo.
Just become a loner like me, I avoid girls at all costs. Too many bad things can happen and I dont wanna deal with heartache I don't need. If a girl cheated on me like the story above I would freak out. I honestly dont know what I would do in that situation nor do I want to. Also time heals all wounds, I don't think about the girls I dealt with nowadays. Cleche but true.
I don't lol I live an area where I know practically everyone and know what they are about. Wouldn't mind meeting someone new though. I've been fine without a girl for 20 years now lol. Happy alone I guess.
i've never had a relationship longer than a year, but like everyone else says time is the only thing that will make you feel better. And meeting another girl you like will make you get over the last girl for sure. Weed has helped me a lot when I felt shitty trying to get over a girl. Smoking weed is just amazing. i've felt so shitty and gone out for a walk at night and smoked a joint and I felt great. Also, think about it, whatever reason it was that she left, she did not love you anymore, why would you think about someone or want someone that doesn't love you. You just think about the good memories and you miss those times. Once you meet someone new and make new memories you'll get over the past. But yeah, weed has helped me a lot during the hard times when I was feeling really low. And of course talking and hanging out with friends, and making new friends helps too.
You need closure, see if shell talk to you just to explain the break up and then learn from that and move on. If she agrees to talk to you don't beg her to take you back if anything, just tell her you need to know why for your own peace or mind, it's a reasonable request after a long relationship and if she's a reasonable person she'll agree to speak to you
I didn't read it, but assuming from the thread name this song may help http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=meKhfr_CjQ0
Fuck closure bro. That shit doesn't exist? You want closure? Close the door in her face. Time heals all wounds. My girl of two years dumped me a little while back. It didn't chop me up that bad because we weren't meant to be and i knew that. But it still hurt because she said she loved me and one day she just stopped? Like that shit sucks. Seriously bro it will get better. I got home layed in bed and cried like a fucking baby when we broke up. Not ashamed to admit it. And for at least 2 months after that i would just get super sad at random moments thinking about her. Like fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck shes really gone. But its gotten way better. If you guys really had something special you'll never forget her op. You gotta just accept it. And move on. Don't go throw yourself into girls that doesn't do shit. And don't throw yourself into weed either. I did that. And although it has numbed the pain it also hurt my pockets. Just work on you. Don't romantacize the relationship. Sit. Figure out why it didn't work. Self evaluate and change what you think you need to change. And by time your done with that you won't even care about her anymore. Its only been a few months for me. I remember my ex. I'll never forget her. But she hardly ever crosses my mind. And when she does its not really pain anymore. More regret for things that i wish i had done differently. Wallowing in your own misery and forcing yourself to think about her wont help bro. I remember when my best friend broke up with his girl of 6 months he was broken hearted. Talked about her non stop. Always talking about how he was gonna get her back. Crying to her on the phone. Its because he allowed himself to do that. Me? I allowed myself to cry once then i forced myself to get over her. I forced myself to move on. I forced myself to forgive. And now i'm at the point where a few years from now i probably will forget a lot of shit about her.
I agree with all of that, but if he doesn't understand why she broke up with him in the first place how is he supposed to move on or learn from it? That's all I meant by closure, just getting an understanding of why it happened, because he clearly doesn't know
Only time will heal that shit OP. In the mean time hit the weights, exercise, stop smoking weed to run away from your problems, hang out with the friends more. Think of all the negative a about her. You know she probably got with a couple dudes or more by now. That's reality bro, gotta be tough.
You are right. I realized a long time ago that I wasn't going to live my life with her. But there was something about that girl, man... I loved her genuinely and worked a lot to make it work. Even though I knew in the back of my head that I was going to loose her eventually for whatever reason, but it übersucks that it had to actually happen. Because here's the thing... my head knows that it's for the best, but my "hearth", that's a different story. Ah, I didn't see it like this before, but you're right. Weed actually brings me to the closest that I can consciously be with myself. I try to suppress it so much but the fact that it surfaces when I'm high proves that I still have to face it. I just have no idea how to actually do it. I still feel like it's all a dream, to be honest. I always have this feeling that time stopped and we're just moving around in an asynchronous spatial environment. Once again you are very right my friend. Forgetting completely about her would be the easiest and quickest method to stop the pain, but it'd also be the saddest thing ever because I have so many good memories with her. She made me discover a whole new perspective on life, and I wouldn't want to loose this. When picturing the movie you were talking about, I imagined loosing my memories and I wouldn't want that to happen for anything in the world. These experiences are simply beautiful and I need to see the breakup as another brick in my wall rather than as something that makes it fall. Shit. I don't even want to imagine the damages that she would have caused had she cheated on me. You are very strong to be able to experience this and then come here and be so positive two months later. Looks like you quickly grew out of this experience (even if you still think about her), and for that you can be proud. I am not a generally happy person, and this simply makes it worst. I agree that I need to be responsible for my own happiness, but while I'm already doing a lot to be happy by myself, she was just the push that I needed to be truly happy and satisfied. I always thought I was mostly a loner, but she proved me wrong. Being with such a nice girl was really what I needed to be a happy man. I only have positive things to say about her. Thanks man. Like I said I'm already doing a lot to keep myself busy, and it only works when I'm completely conscious. Whenever I peak a little into my subconscious, whether it is through dreaming or smoking, I realize how much I'm not over her at all. But like you said, two step forwards, one step backwards. I know that in two years 'll think about this and about your incredible post and I'll smile. I just can't wait to get there. Honestly I'd like to thank you once again for your post. When I wrote this yesterday, I was stoned and drowning into it. I never expected such a constructive reply when I finally said "fuck it" and decided to make a post about it. I'm sincerely grateful that you took the time to write it. Nah man, can't live with that thought. I know it makes me a pussy but I don't care.
3 years is actually a pretty insignificant portion of your life, take what you learned from it, grow a pair, and move the fuck on, it's not like she died. think logically, what actually happened to negatively impact your life? nothing, she was fucking you, and now she's fucking someone else (or nobody), wow big deal! get over it dude lol.
He's not a robot. Emotions are involved within a three year relationship. How old are you? Keep your inexperienced advice to yourself. You're not helping.