This story sounds too good to be true but it's not, I just thought I'd introduce myself with a primo story. OK so this fat asshole we sometimes smoke with always wear his stupid baggy trousers, I'm sure we all like em loose but this guy really takes the piss, the waist hangs pretty much below his ass crack and he has like 6 inches of fucking trouser tapered behind him. He's retarded too, one of those people that's not 'officially' retarded but they are and they know you know they are, a real fat useless pile of shit. So we'd hot boxed his car with a blunt then we went into a shopping center and we were feeling pretty conspicuously stoned, everything was so bright and clean and crisp and everybody shopping in there seemed really fucking prim and twee so understandably we decide to bail, only an escalator and a security guard stood between us and our freedom. As we approach the escalator it's pretty obvious that the fat guy can barely control himself, he's seriously baked and as he steps onto the first step he sort of doesn't realize that he's standing on an escalator and trips flat on his face, naturally we were laughing our asses off as we helped him up and dust him down but what we didn't realize was that his stupid fucking trousers had got caught in the mechanism so when we reached the top he fell over again, flat on his face, right at the feet of the security guard, we crack up and start having hysterics at this alone before we realize that his trousers are actually getting SUCKED INTO THE FUCKING ESCALATOR, my partner in crime manages to blurt out 'fucking trousers man' before laughing even harder and going red in the face, meanwhile fat asshole panics, makes this weird sort of noise like a cat and rips his trousers off which get further sucked into the machine in front of a massive crowd of onlookers, somebody had obviously hit the emergency stop on the escalator and everything went pretty quiet as people just stared at the sight of this guy standing in his fucking briefs at the top of the escalator looking sheepish. It was fucking priceless but the sick thing is he got a FREE pair of trousers because of it. The fucked up thing about this guy is that shit like this ALWAYS seems to happen to him.
I'm Scottish, it was difficult to even say 'mall'. We only call pants pants over here, trousers are trousers or troos.
When there's stars and stripes flying at the castle instead of the saltire I'll say pants until then you can embrace cultural diversity assholes.
Damn that is a funny story, man. Good thing nothing bad happened to the big fellow. I remember one of my friends falling down a downward escalator and getting his shirt caught in the bottom. One of the old ladies saw him fall down and get stuck and came running and yelling at him instantly "Hey boy, get off the elevator(not escalator) before you hurt someone". After he yelled back "My pants are caught in this shit, its going to suck me inside, get me the fuck out, stop this escalator!" the lady helps him get his shirt out. The whole time this happened me and my friends were at the top of the escalator on the other side watching him, so by the time we reached him he was out.
I was seriously surprised man, I'd heard stories about people getting sucked in but just assumed they were bullshit, we found out on the back of these antics that actually people have even had feet ripped of by these things.
Damnit coulda mentioned that first. Much funnier with a scottish accent Over here pants are pants too... Ok ive said pants a few times in my head and it sounds horrible now. I dont like trousers either. What else we got?
of course we don't actually wear trousers OR pants in Scotland, usually just our kilts. The fat piece of shit isn't even Scottish though, he's a cockney.