Feeling worthless and depressed after Break-up, Really need some help

First things first, get yourself into therapy. Hopefully you have health insurance and they will cover a number of sessions for you. I was in your position not long ago and I can't even try to explain how much it will help you. Google search for psychologists in your area (there's a good site out there with listings by state, insurance, etc, just search it. I think it's "Psychology Today"). I feel that should be your very first step. Just make yourself call and set up an appointment. It feels amazing once you have that connection with a therapist and you know you now have a safety blanket, should you ever need it.

 

Hey. This sounds like a really sad situation... do you mind if I ask why she broke up with you? I don't have experience with being broken up with in that way but I will say that I had similar feelings this summer when my boyfriend and I were separated over a break from school. We go to college together but we live across the country from each other so when our school has winter/spring/summer breaks we have to be apart for a while. We had been apart over winter break and he kissed 2 other girls and even though it was only kissing he kept it from me for so long before I found out on my own. I stayed with him anyway and now I am so in love with him and we're usually very happy together. He has his faults and it's hard to trust him now but I love him to death and would be devastated if i lost him. So this summer when we were apart I had horrible non-stop anxiety about him being so far away and me not knowing what he was doing. I got so depressed because he couldn't understand my concerns at all. I stayed in my bed all day every day cause we would fight about all the trust issues and he would say some pretty horrible and insensitive things. I wouldn't answer anyone's calls and didn't go out anywhere. I felt so bad about myself because I feel like I must have done something to deserve being cheated on once and since I hadn't identified it maybe I was still doing it and he would cheat again. My self-esteem had never been so low and I just felt so ugly and anxious and paranoid all the time. I even ended up coming back after only two weeks to visit him. I know these situations aren't totally the same but if I learned anything it's probably that you have to take time for yourself to gain some perspective. You have to talk to people so it doesn't just weigh on you even though other people aren't always helpful or understand your situation. It's easy for people to tell you to just cheer up and go out and have some fun but you need time to wallow. However, when your wallowing time is over it's important to move on. I've been hurt by so many guys but it's important to just recover and move on. Eventually you'll find someone who loves you too much to hurt you and who's worth your love and attention. The way that girl treated you to do that all so suddenly is wrong. You should realize that any girl that would make you feel this awful isn't worth it.

 

id advise against therapy... i personally see it as a waste of money for MOST people, too many people dont want to deal with their problems themselves or know how to but wont take the time to sit down and really come to grips with who they are and what is causing them such torment.

sorry for being the bearer of bad news, a majority of "live-in" relationships before marriage will end in heartbreak... use this as a lesson and DO NOT move in with your partner until youre married, it makes it easier for the both of you when/if things fall apart.

save your money and spend some time listening to some of Dr. Laura calls of the day, it helped me a TON to get through my first break up because i realized i wasnt the only one going through such grief and sadness. in a way it helped me move on, get to know myself more, and become stronger.

The Dr. Laura Program

you arent alone, shut that little voice in your head up and throw away the key. this happens to nearly everyone and its a part of life, things will get better in time but in the mean time you just have to soldier on and take it a day at a time.

find new hobbies to enjoy, start working out if you arent already, make new friends, find a new look for yourself, do something youve always wanted to do but havent for whatever reason (ex: i got my both ears and the left side of my lip pierced, im planning out 4-5 tattoo designs i will get over the next 10 years too). spend this time to find out how to love yourself and be your own best friend, too many people get caught up in "she/he was my everything mentality" and when things fall apart it feels like their life has been hit by an level 10 earthquake, i was in a similar situation like... damn its been a year time flies.

i think ive written enough for this post, if you have any questions or anything msg me, ill be around bro.

stay positive, keep moving forward with your life, and most importantly... treat mary right and she will treat you right.

 

might i also advise finding the courage within to open up to your mom and sister, im sure they will do their best to comfort you and help bring you out of this sadness. it may surprise you how much you being sad and depressed over a broken heart affects them too, no one wants to see a loved one or someone they care about in a bad mood. dont be afraid to cry, dont be afraid to let out whatever youre bottling up because eventually it will build up to a point where it will erupt like a volcano, and you dont want that my friend. its best to just get it all out and keep it out.
oh and dont abuse mary, she will only fuck you over if you use her as an escape to your problems. you gotta face em head on so you can grow as a person.

 

I strongly disagree, and that's because of my personal experience. I relate to a lot of what this guy is currently going through, and therapy ultimately got me through the roughest patch there was. Therapy wasn't EVERYTHING, but it led me to everything good that followed after. All of the knowledge I've been gaining...I owe thanks to my therapy experience.

I didn't want to go into my life story on the matter, so I just gave him a SUPERRRR summarized opinion.(Therapy.) I feel that in reality, it's hard for most people to get into the right mindset without some professional help. I mean, when you're REALLY down in life, you don't have enough strength just in yourself in that moment, because you're flooded and basically constantly bogged down with so much negativity. I feel like him making an appointment IS him dealing with his issue. I dunno about the poster, but I was unable to discuss the things I was going through to my parents. Lots of circumstances prevented that from being a healthy option at all.

 

You'll make it through this dude, I dont blame you for feeling how you are right now.

First off, you need to talk to your ex. You need to figure out why she left, sort all the mystery and get it done with, that way your mind can be atleast a bit at ease. You need to start chillling with friends, playing sports of any kind if you can, maybe hit the bar or club with your boys.

The feeling's will fade eventually, i know you know this and it's hard to deal with in the present and it's going to take a while but you'll get over it slowly. Finding a new girl is a good start although questionable how logical it is lol

 

You're welcome. Dude, seriously I was SO STOKED to read that you've already made an appointment. Lol, I remember I had to wait some weeks before I could even be seen and time moved Soooooooooo slowly!! But it's great that you have GC here for ya. I didn't at the time haha. Idk how your counselor will work, but mine specialized in this cognitive therapy thing. Basically instead of me going in and ranting about my life's troubles, she'd say "what would be helpful for us to talk about today?" It was hard at first because I just wanted to talk and vent about all the heartbreak I was feeling at the time. But instead I was forced to take a part all of these issues that were ACTUALLY the roots of the issues in that relationship! I know this might sound odd, but after 22 years of living, I hadn't figured out who I truly was as a person! And because of all of these other things (me not knowing myself, unresolved family issues, work issues, etc) I was able to see why I'd been feeling so shitty. I realized that I shouldn't have even been in that relationship in the first place, and that my ex actually knew me better than I knew myself. She basically set me free and un-tied wings that I didn't even know I had, so I could FLY.
I know that sounds wild, but I do believe that everything happens for a reason, and that things only get better with time. You just have to realize that you deserve the best and can't settle or stop until you find it.
(I'm feeling like you will learn to think like this in counseling. )

 

i didnt say he couldnt get therapy, i just advised against paying a bunch of cash for it when there are free sources available on the internet like the link i gave, she has a lot of helpful books and conversations with her callers. and also she is A LOT cheaper than therapy sessions, like 20$ a month?

and honestly... when you get down you owe it to yourself to find the strength to get back up and dust yourself up, maybe i believe that because thats the way i was raised by my parents to never quit or give up on myself even though other people may, youre your own best friend.

 

Hey man first thing first, don't blame this all on you. I've been in your situation with ny ex felt like you did for like a year drank smoked, dropped classes, went from being 180 to 135, felt like a didn't have a purpose in life. I stayed in my room slept for like 12 plus hours. But the thing truelly help me out was smoking weed, it kept me accupied watching movies and Shit and went to my old self.

The advice I give you is go to the gym and watch motivational videos.

 

nah, you start thinking like that when you realize you are in charge of your own life and your behavior not someone or something else. its all a state of mind and TOO MANY people have a mindset of "im not okay, im fucked up". im 20 years old and im so glad ive realized this early on, too many people go through life pissing it away and not taking charge of their life.

edit: counseling may have helped you connect these dots but thats not the only way you can have your eyes opened

 

Oh and by the way,
after an intense 2 year relationship, suicide HEAVY HEAVY on my mind, things got better. I'm now absolutely infatuated with someone new. I say infatuation because basically I'm absolutely hopeless at initiating a pursuit, but I'm doing what I can, haha. What's awesome is that someone new has been able to make me feel so incredibly crazy(the good kind!).

 

Lol that's what I'm sayin. Therapy DID help in SOME kind of way and I highly recommend it for the posters PARTICULAR SITUATION. The sooner he starts helping self in any way, the better. Props to you for figuring things out early, though. That's lucky and I'm happy for you.